To be pissed off DP has left me with his ex’s child and gone to work?

Some 16 month old have the attention span of a gnat. You'd be lucky to have a 'TV fifteen minutes' before they started climbing the walls.

There's no "you and your husband" here. There's just a woman who has been left literally holding the baby, two babies actually.

So when he said "we" or "I" can take the 16 month old, what he really had in mind was that you would spend a day in the hell that is life with a very new baby and a young toddler.

I'd make sure he knows he owes you a massive apology, and an understanding going forward that this will never, ever happen again. He needs to stay home tomorrow no matter how short staffed his workplace is.

You would be pretty unusual.

he isn’t supporting his ex, he’s pulling good guy points by offering then chucking it all onto his wife who already has a baby. I’d make it very clear to him that everyone will know he did a bait and switch, fucked off and left you there. Including his ex, although not right now obviously.

You do have to hope some of these posts are on a wind up.

That is a separate issue. He has pissed off to work because he can’t stand up for himself.

But they all support each other it’s not just a case of OP only ever doing the childcare or the ex. Before she arrived they were both helping each other out.

I do agree a village isn’t always women being left to hold the baby. But thats not the nature of their support system.

@nomas sorry? How obtuse that you think that 😅 very much not forgotten, we’re all different!

Really you would do that to the sibling of a child having heart surgery? You and your husband are obviously nice people supporting his ex and this is good for your stepson. Under the circumstances I would let it go and have TV day.

Pardon? Where did that come from?! I never said anything of the kind. It’s not OP’s baby so she shouldn’t have to look after it

I think you sound like a lovely family.

I get that you are pissed off about today- I think that's a normal reaction- and you need to talk to your partner about it.

You do sound absolutely capable and I think it's a really nice thing that you have done. I'd hope that I could have someone as generous and kind hearted to take care of my child if my other child was in hospital.

@NebulaNomad , you're in the middle of the 4th trimester, when you're recovering from birth and you and baby are establishing feeding and getting into a routine.

Your husband is on annual leave, his son's sibling is having surgery, and his priority should be his family right now. His son is probably really worried about his brother, there's a toddler in an unfamiliar place, and you have an 8 week old to take care of. Work really should not be the priority with this much going on especially when he's on leave. Tell him this was it. He's got to step up for his family at this time. He agreed to be there for his son and the toddler, but he's not and left it to his partner who is still recovering to pick up the huge responsibilities he put down here.

No, he took annual leave to help look after his 8week old baby, and help look after his Sons half-sibling.

She can't come get her baby, she's sitting in hospital looking after her 4yo who's had open heart surgery.

You trying to insinuate to the OP that the 16mo is also her Husbands child?

It's lovely that you all get on & help her out.

He really must be there for the rest of the week though.

Even if you were finding it easy the arrangement wasn't that you would do it alone.

It's a shame she has no one else to ask.

I'm actually open-mouthed reading this. Doesn't happen often! An 8 week old and his ex's toddler by another man...all dumped on you.

I wouldn't be doing anything for him or the toddler for the rest of the week, and I would also be telling him to pull his weight with the newborn. The first hint of "I can't do it all!" I'd be cutting him off with a "be grateful I didn't walk off out of the house this morning leaving them both with you, with no prior warning".

Nip this in the bud, OP. He's playing the good guy to absolutely everyone (ex, colleagues, boss etc) except you. Not ok.

Everyone wondering what the big deal is...take the kids out of the scenario.

You and your DH have discussed what to do this week and agreed he will be off on leave.
Then Monday morning, when you think you have a week of leave together, you see him sneaking out the door - pretending to run an errand but actually off to work. Hasn't told you the plans have changed. You'd have been sat at home wondering why he wasn't back yet. Would you honestly be fine that?

Then add in he's gone off and basically left you with a chore he took on and you said you'd help with, on top of being on mat leave with a 2 month old.

That’s the point so the dh should be sticking to the arrangements he made.

The type of man who would try to sneak into work on annual leave without a word to his wife doing this favour only understands when you lose your shit otherwise they don’t care as his shown so far today.

Id be furious too.

OP make it clear to him that the rest of the week you expect him at home as agreed.

Is the 4 year old and 16 month olds father not around? I'm guessing not. It's really kind of you both to help and it's great you all get along. 🙂 But don't be a doormat op. You are a new mum and need to focus on what's best for you and your baby too.

The point is getting out will help an tire toddler

op said she couldn’t go out as can’t push 2 buggy’s

Exactly.

Let's hope it is only one day and he can be at home tomorrow.

But the mother is in hospital as her 4 yo is having open heart surgery!!!

I think I'd suck it up @NebulaNomad

You're doing a lovely kind thing. Yes it's irritating he's gone in to work - but without knowing type of business and size of company presumably it's important to him to do this. He sounds decent so I would trust his judgement on why he's made this call and just get on with it with the kids xx

You'd seriously call/turn up at social service's door and say

'This child's sibling is currently in theatre whilst the surgeon cuts through their skin, splits the breastbone, disconnects their heart and attaches them to a heart-lung bypass and then continues cutting into a tiny heart to save their life. I don't want it, it's not my problem, so take it into care'

I would let it slide. He sounds like an all round decent bloke trying to spin a few plates at once. If he’s got form for clearing off fair enough but he’s hardly out living it up if he’s been called into work.
People look after three and four kids and manage ok, surely the 4 week old isn’t hard work and how many people are needed to look after an 18 month old?

I would be livid But I'd be livid because he didn't have the courtesy to tell me and just got dressed and was planning on going into work. The fact that they are short staffed is neither here nor there , Tough shit on them It's not up to him to rescue the business, It's up to him to support his wife.
When he comes home, I would state in no uncertain terms that when he's booked annual leave, he takes that annual leave and he does not go into work without having the courtesy to discuss if this is OK with you even if you're not looking after his ex's children. He need to work out what's more important to him making sure his wife is happy or his employer.

I think you need to be the bigger source of pain to him over this, or it'll happen over and over again. It's clear that he is a man who can't say no in any aspect of his life, so you need to make it more "painful" to him to dump you in the shit than to say no to work. It shoudn't be too difficult for you to manage; you should be livid at him over this!