Is this what I asked for??

He doesn’t like your 7 year old who he has known since he was 3 and you moved him in and continued the relationship? You chose to spend Mothers Day with just the partner who doesn’t like your kid and not your kid? That’s wild.

We are starting to get to the bottom of why your kid didn’t want to be at your house and it’s not vegetables!

Mothers Day doesn’t mean every woman who happens to be a mother gets pandered to by literally every random person in their life and gets to boss everyone around.

It simply means mothers will get a card from their kids. Any expectations beyond that are just taking the “holiday” way out of hand

Don’t let him move back in if your child is saying this. Maybe why he’s staying elsewhere a lot.

You mentioned your mum is an alcoholic - hopefully she’s not any longer if she’s caring for your child.

Maybe because it was Mother's Day?

I have boundaries with my 6 year old, make him eat vegetables, go to bed, tidy up after himself etc and he is very attached to me and hates being away from me and his home/going to his dad’s or grandparents.

I think instead of justifying his preference of your parents’ house by reference to lack of rules, you should work on your relationship with your 7 year old so you’re someone he wants to spend time with

Controversial opinion possibly but just because its mothers day it doesn't mean you get to dictate what everyone else does. People still need to go about their lives, it doesn't all revolve around you.

I actually don’t think you’re being that unreasonable. You don’t sound like the most maternal person tbh but you don’t have to be! I love my children but also need a break and if they had requested to go elsewhere, where they were loved and would have a fun day, then I would have taken some time to do something nice with boyfriend or alone.

Why do you have to "mother" a 17 year old who is on a Playstation in a bedroom? A 17 year old is not a child.

What an absolute shit show.

You told your partner you were looking forward to a child free day. Which you had. Your child was not there. He was at his grandparents, who he prefers to spend time with, even on Mother’s Day. Says a lot about you really, even if he’s only 7.

And you sound so disgustingly ungrateful for the help your parents give you… one night a week and they collect after school? Even though you also share custody with his father? When exactly do you even spend quality time with your child? No wonder he’s not arsed spending Mother’s Day with you.

And did you even explicitly tell your partner you wanted to spend the day with just him? Did you make a plan for the day, even if it was just chilling at home together? Sounds like you just said you wanted a child free day… Which you had!

Your partners son is not your child, and presumably your house is also this 17 year olds house? So you wanted your partner to ban this boy from his own home, even though you never actually expressed that to him explicitly?

And what the actual fuck has your partner’s ex got to do with any of this? Why bring up she has multiple children to multiple fathers? Literally no relevance to this situation.

You sound terrible tbh, sound like an inadequate mother and you’re probably having the Mothers Day you’ve created for yourself.

And you also sound bananas drunk. Put the glass down, go to bed, and try be a better mother tomorrow.

It is/was your partners home too, his son should be welcome 24/7, as his child.

You’re being unreasonable. Just because your son didn’t want to spend the day with you doesn’t mean your partner has to ban his child from the house.

You life together and therefore both of your children should be made to feel at home in the house.

It’s not just your home it’s your partners home too.

imagine if on Father’s Day he turned round and banned your child from the house because his child wasn’t there. That would be seen as outrageous.

I do not get this. You didn't want to see your child on Mothers Day? You wanted a child free day?
How strange.

@ClownsDontHaveNipples Seems like a positive first step would be to try and repair your relationship with your mother. Then, in future, you could spend the day with your parents and your child, and celebrate Mother's Day together as a unit.

Would this be possible?

The hard time is because she only asked her partner not to allow his son there because her own seven year old didn’t want to be with her.

If she expects her son to have free choice of as to when he sees his own parents and to come and go, then she can’t hardly complain if her partner expects the same for his son. The whole situation sounds toxic as fuck.

Had the 7 year old said he wants to spend the day doing something just him and his mum, or asked to be picked up to go home to Mum, I bet the partner would have been allowed to choose to see his own son then.

And that’s before going into the fact the op chooses to allow her child to spend almost half his time with someone she describes as nasty and vindictive, who she has no contact with and who she knows gives her child no boundaries and no rules.

There was a lot to unpack in the post and the subsequent comments. I can see why previous commenters where confused as although OP thinks the bigger picture is irrelevant I'm not sure it is.

I guess what you really wanted was a day with your partner. But you didn't tell him that. You said you wanted a child free day. I can't imagine your 17 yr old step son needed much parenting and your partner was keeping him entertained.

If the mother of your step son also wanted a child free day, it makes no difference to you whether the other 3 fathers are useless or not, they can't be expected to have your step son, surely only his own father is relevant there. Hats off to your partner to maintaining a relationship with his son. I'd find that a positive thing.

Your own son choosing where to spend his time somewhere he doesn't have any boundaries is odd. Of course any seven year old would do the same given the choice. As the only adult in his life with boundaries I'd expect you to guide him on where he spends his time. Boundaries offer a child safety, security and help them feel loved. That would be a reason for me to use paid childcare! If your mum dotes on your son she should be caring for him in a way that's in his best interests, ie with boundaries. You can't control what happens with his Dad I agree, but you can dictate how much time he spends with your parents when they don't put boundaries in place.

And saying you're the only adult in his life who works gave the impression that your partner didn't. I assume your partner, or ex partner, was involved in your son's life if they lived together. If not, this may also explain why your son didn't want to spend time with you, if you prioritise and allow a man to live with you who isn't a part of your son's life.

But now said partner is gone, perhaps your focus can now be on prioritising your son and making him feel important at home, helping him to see the value of boundaries and showing that you can spend nice, fun times with people who love you and ask you to eat vegetables.

@ClownsDontHaveNipples ; you're a mom and you really should know: it needs to be in writing, it needs to be repeated at least THREE times and you need to get him to repeat back to you what it is that he thinks he heard.

So sorry @ClownsDontHaveNipples I did miss that bit 🙈

christ, you've had a magnificent mother's day then.

Did he cop the nark because you called him out about his son coming round?

You're right, it's not really fine but if he is so insensitive not to respect your wishes (it's possibly not the first time either), is he someone you want in your life, with all the other stresses you have?

Why doesn't your partner work?

oh! he's gone now @ClownsDontHaveNipples?

eta; you were not to blame, at all. A seventeen year old is still a child, not what you asked for, just today, of all days

In order to have “something” happen that involves others means explicit communications.
“child free” as posters have eluded to, might not mean not having a teen around to some.
You needed to say; I want JUST you (DP) and I to have a day ALONE, just the two of us; I’ll seed little op to his nana’s and we can binge watch bridgerton, eat ice cream and work on this weeks laundry rota.
You can’t blame others for ambiguous comments (ambiguous to many).