Is this what I asked for??

That's sad, isn't it. Just 7 years old. Try to repair what's happened, OP.
It sounds really tough, but if you go to the GP they can refer you for some counselling if you can't afford private. There are some serious relationship problems to work through here.

If she's NC, yet uses her parents for childcare, that's a massive problem right there.

the worst bit for me in all this is the fact that your son told you he knows your boyfriend doesn’t like him and you ignored it and continued keeping him around! No wonder your son wants to be elsewhere

Eh? Your mums an acoholic and yet you sent your child there on mothers day? The one day you should really spend with your children?
then banned your partners child from you and your partners home? I dont blame him packing and leaving.

Did you take parenting classes from Karen Matthews or someone similar as you seem to have zero maternal instincts.

You sound a nightmare. No friends, only kid you have wants to spend mothers day away from you, partners now fked off, you say your mum is all sorts of nasty things yet deem her nice enough to do school runs for ds and look after him so you don't have to pay childcare. Say he's rude when he when comes back from his dads - maybe bc he has to come back to a house he never feels welcome in?
The common denominator in all this is you
Your ds even said your partner doesn't like him and you brushed it off....
No wonder he likes his grandparents better. Nothing about rules and boundaries- he probably feels loved, wanted and looked after there.

It sounds like you already get your 'one day'.... 40% of the time... whilst your young child is cared for by an emotionally abusive alcoholic.

As a parent who's chosen to minimalise contact with grandparents for much more minor character flaws and who can count on one hand the amount of times anyone has babysat her 8 year old I'm finding it difficult to comprehend or sympathise....

Ouch. “My house”? Which one of these houses is your son’s HOME?

Firstly remove the PlayStation from your bedroom.

Secondly, if your partner ignored your excitement about spending the day together and prioritised gaming over you then maybe you need to look at your wider relationship. Is this common? Do you feel supported by him or is he just another example of someone who is letting you down? It sounds like you had a tough childhood and it's very common for children who have grown up in abusive households to develop a pattern of not putting themselves first.

OP read ‘It’s Not You’ by Dr Ramani. It might resonate.

To be clear that in a situation like this;

A loving mum would spend the time with her Grandson helping him to plan a surprise. She should be putting his relationship with you first.

A decent dad would support his son to do something for you.

A decent partner would organise something for you, especially knowing that you are not with your son and your own mother is abusive.

There is a thread on here - something like ‘We took you to stately homes’ that is really supportive and one on Reddit called ‘Raised by narcissists’. You will be heard and understood there.

I hear you. As the highest functioning adult (financially, practically and emotionally) in my dysfunctional family, we get it in the neck the most. And no one thinks we might need support because they are too wrapped up in themselves. I might be projecting. But you said you are the only one working. Allowing the grandparent relationship despite your own feelings and being the one with the house all point to ‘over functioning’ in a fucked up system.

Your focus needs to be on self-care and parenting. Don’t live with your partner for now.

The fact that your 7 yo doesn't want to spent time with you, prefers the company of your "nasty, vindictive mother" and that you accommodate it sounds a much larger issue than the boyfriend's son coming over.

5 pages in and I’m still at “eh???”

I agree.
And I'd add no insight/introspective thought into the fact with child wants to not spend mothers day with her but with her (probably ruinous?) Parents....

i read threads like this and just think
.... "people make these choices? People's lives are actually like this?"

It just baffling. 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

Nooooooooo! Alcoholic. Nasty. Vindictive. The OP is no contact for a reason.

Obviously because it’s Mother’s Day and one of the few times - maybe also your birthday - where you should get what you want to do for the day.

OP it sounds like no one in your life respects you. Maybe you could have some counselling to learn how to put better boundaries in for the people in your life. I’m not blaming you btw. - you seem worn down. Having a vindictive, narcissistic mother will do that to you. Although your DF should have protected you.

If you do get some counselling make sure it’s someone who understands narcissistic abuse and is also a warm person who will back you. If you can’t afford that go on YouTube and look up how to deal with narcissists. I also wonder whether your partner is not a kind person. If you grow up with narcissists you often pick people unconsciously who aren’t necessarily nice to you as you don’t see the red flags.

I’m sorry you didn’t get the break you needed. It’s obviously not the same if you’ve got someone else in the house and is hardly going to be the cosy day with your partner you asked for.

What a bizarre thread. You describe your mother as a nasty, vindictive woman/alcoholic and say she tried to end her life when you were a young adult and yet you’re happy to let your 7 year old child stay with her because she dotes on him. You wanted a child free day on Mother’s Day, of all days, because your 7 year old wanted to stay with your parents. You criticise the 17 year olds mother and the choices she made. You say you have no friends other than “partner”. Girl you need to work on yourself. Get some professional support and get some friends.

I so feel for the two children in this post. If I'm reading this correctly, your son spends 40% of his time with a woman with whom you are NC. That must be a tricky dynamic for him, whether you can see that or not. And your (ex) partner's son isn't welcome for the day at his father's home. Imagine the (justified) uproar on MN if a woman posted that her DP wouldn't let her DC over for the day.
As you've said, OP, it's probably better that you've now split. Time now to build on your relationship with your DS and remove some of the confusion I imagine he feels around your difficult family situation. He needs you and he needs your boundaries so perhaps you should limit his time away from you beyond the essential cover when you're at work.

Probably why the 17 year old wants to hang out elsewhere

what was your childhood like OP?

you sound like you don't care that your child prefers to be with his grandparents - don't you ever ask yourself why that is and how you can change that so he wants to spend time with you as his mum, especially in MD? He won't be a child forever, you'll never get those years back,

If you want a childfree day on a day traditionally for children to celebrate their mum , it speaks volumes.

The situation seems straightforward: your only child had other plans on Mother's Day. You decided to let him do what he wanted and not insist/request he do something with you. It's probably not what a lot of people here would do, but that's irrelevant to your questions.

The part that's confusing is all I asked for for Mother's Day was a child-free day. Not a cleaning-free day, not a cooking-free day, just a day without children, just us. You'd get a get a cleaning-free or cooking-free day (if you'd wanted one) by not cleaning or cooking, but child-free/just us needs agreement, planning, and cooperation if you live together. It sounds from one of your follow-ups like you DID tell your partner you wanted this but he doesn't remember the conversation.

Did he agree, or acknowledge that he heard/understood? If not, is it possible that he genuinely didn't hear you (not "yes dearing" and tuning you out, but perhaps very absorbed in something?) If so, does he normally have memory difficulties? If he did agree and then brought his son over he needs to be able to discuss that with you even if that means admitting he wasn't listening, didn't understand, or forgot - or just never intended to do what you asked if it ended up inconveniencing him. It's also possible - if you'd just said you were looking forward to a child-free day once you knew your son was out, but you hadn't made specific plans with your partner - that he thought you meant a break from hands-on parenting rather than no one under the legal age of majority in the house.

BUT the two of you should be discussing this; you shouldn't have to ask random arseholes people online. He's a child himself if he's genuinely "taken off" for good because he heard you mumble, but it could also be part of what he perceives as a larger pattern, if YOU aren't clearly communicating what you want up front, and raising the issue directly when you perceive a problem. But you've also said I don't think he likes it when I call him out on anything which makes it seem like there's a real communication (and maybe control) issue on HIS side. Is he generally willing to discuss and compromise when needed? Does he consider your needs and desires about the relationship as important as his own? Is he willing to listen when you're upset, even if he doesn't understand why or wouldn't have been upset himself? Can he admit when he's wrong? Or does he "punish" you (silent treatment, walking out, sulking) when you express a need that isn't exactly in line with his wants? You don't have to answer all that here, of course, but food for thought as IMO he will almost definitely come back at some point.

Your partner sounds as if he is the only parent doing any doing any parenting on Mothers Day! You may have wanted a child free day, he may have wanted to spend the time with you, but as is often pointed out on Mumsnet, the best parents prioritise their children, which your partner clearly did here. Perhaps he realises that his sons relationship with his mother is difficult because of the various half siblings and a difficult family dynamic. Perhaps your partner is the stable figure for his child. Perhaps Mothers Day is a difficult time for his child for reasons that have not been shared. Whatever his reasons, good fathers prioritise their children and that is as it should be. If you don't want your partner to prioritise their child then don't date a parent.

Your child has said that he feels that your partner doesn't like him. He will have harboured these feelings, unspoken for a considerable amount of time before vocalising them. I would be more concerned that your son has elected to go to your parents because he knows that your partner might be at your home and he knows he can avoid him by going, as much as he also likes being spoiled.

Personally, I think you should use what has happened today as a wake up call to draw a line in the sand and establish a more positive relationship with your child, before any more damage is done.

I think I’d want to be with my child on Mother’s Day and would have gone with them to my parents to see my own mother who it sounds like does a lot of child care and would probably appreciate seeing you and having some acknowledgement.
Saying that I appreciate we are not all the same and your partner sounds like a man child who has been a bit insensitive.

I would imagine the poor 17 year old was feeling a bit vulnerable on Mother’s Day so his dad thought he’d keep him busy. As a mother yourself it’s pretty selfish to not see this

And my child did say to me earlier in the week "X doesn't like me". I sort of fobbed it off, but it's true.

I can see why your child barely wants to spend any time with you.
You do not sound like a good mum.

You also just don’t sound like a nice person in general, so it’s no surprise that you have no friends either.

Stop banging on about how you work (the vast majority of us do) as this doesn’t mean you’re automatically a good parent.

The most telling point of this entire story is that your innocent little seven year old boy says that your partner doesn’t like him, and you’ve confirmed that deep down you know that’s true.

This should tell you all you need to know.

1- You should celebrate the fact that he’s “packed up and fucked off”. Change the locks and make it clear he’s not welcome to come back.

2- It’s time to move on with your life and make yourself and your son your number one focus.

Use this Monday to reset your life. Good luck 💐

Who are the random people in her life the op is asking to treat her nicely on Mother’s Day? Did she mention the tesco shop assistant? Or the TA at dc’s school? I must have missed that if so, I only read about her wanting her partner to consider her.