Is this what I asked for??

Your 7 year old thinks your partner, (who the child has to live with) "doesn't like him"?

OP, that's hard to hear. No wonder DC goes to GP house when he can.

Your (now -ex) partner is best out of your life. I know it must be hard when he has been your social life and adult company for 4 years, but really he isn't the right one for you or DS.

So your home is also your partner’s home? You don’t get to tell him when he can and can’t have his son in his own home then. It’s his son’s home too.

I agree it sounds very good that this man has moved out of your child’s home. It sounds like he should never have been moved in!

I think the key thing in all of this is that you work on your relationship with your son.

And you do send him to your parents - they are providing free childcare whilst you work. But yet you call your mother nasty and vindictive. I wouldn’t have a nasty and vindictive person care for my child whilst I worked. Breakfast club sounds like the answer here!

If your partner knew you were hoping to spend the day with just him, then it's unreasonable he brought his 17 year old round and proceeded to ignore you, yes. However much depends on whether you were explicit about wanting to be alone with him, as oppose to just having the day off from your own child. If I was your partner and knew you wanted to enjoy a day away from your child, I wouldn't just assume that meant you wanted me around and the house empty, no.

Not only poor reading comprehension, the nastiness is off the scale.

Agreed!

She works those days.

No but considering the 17 year old hung out in op bedroom would suggest 17 year old doesn't live there. Im not saying it think the op is right or wrong im saying i understand why she was annoyed

So if in a couple who live together one says “o want a child free day with you tomorrow”. Their child has to vacate the home on demand?

@Dannydevitoiloveyourart read the second paragraph you quoted again and then read the first paragraph you wrote.

When a 7 year old says he doesn’t like you, what he means is that he thinks you don’t like him! He means he thinks you don’t enjoy spending time with him and maybe doesn’t believe you love him.

You’re being very passive although you have a young child who you accept you are distant from, when you could turn around this sad state of affairs in less than a month. You’re playing with fire letting your no-contact mother have such free access to your son, but sort your relationship with your son first so you are in a better place to decide what boundaries to put in place with your mum.

All a child wants more than anything is to be seen and enjoyed by their parents. When you’re with him, put your phone away, stop doing chores until after he’s in bed, make the chores you have to do a fun activity together, take interest in his interests and make real notes so you can actually show that you are listening. I literally write down my kids’ favourite Pokémon characters so I can ask them for evolution tips or updates. I don’t give a shit about Pokémon but I do care about them, so it’s important to me to care about the things they care about.

You say you set boundaries and are the only one that disciplines him. Ask yourself if you’re disciplining him or curtailing his freedom of expression/ being hyper critical. This one hits close to home as I had to learn that my strictness was damaging the previously close bond I had with one of my children. I turned this around by stopping shouting (it breaks the trust), not reacting or lecturing them when they volunteered information about something they did that I wasn’t happy with, and saying yes to everything unless I actually had to say no. The yes might mean - yes, later but let’s first brush your teeth instead of automatically saying “no, you haven’t brushed your teeth”.

Also answering when they call your name with “yes, love” rather than “what”- it sets the tone both for you and them, and it’s really hard to follow “yes, love” with exasperation, snark or frustration. Praise who he is, not who you want him to be.

Do the above and you’ll quickly find out that he will love spending time with you, and you will start to enjoy being his mother more.

He wanted to go to his grandparents, OP didn't ask or tell him to go. Some people are being ridiculous.
I would be pissed off if I thought I was having a nice chilled day with DH and he turned up with another child (regardless of who they were).

Just to add, aware of estrangement but it would have been a perfect time to build bridges. However, if things are so bad between you how come you allow your child to be with heR?

When you say your parents, I assume that includes your own mother? I think it might have been nice to spend the day with her and your son. Mother’s Day doesn’t just apply to you.

I don't understand why so many posters on here are being difficult if you are having a child free day obviously you don't want someone else child there. Also i don't see why you seeing your kid only 40% of the time is shocking i think if a lot of working mums who have joint custody with an ex worked it out i wouldn't think that this is unusual.

Course you did nothing wrong in this example, you know that.

MORE IMPORTANTLY THOUGH: He doesn’t like your 7 year old child, or at least makes him feel that way.

don’t have a man like that around your son, please.

if you ask yourself deep down why your son didn’t want to be with you on Mother’s Day. Is it because his nana spoils him or because he is uncomfortable with your partner. I suspect a bit of both.

It’s fine to have kid free time now and then, I had a morning to myself yest. I would be devastated however if my son was so unhappy in my home he’d rather go to his nan’s on mother’s day.

Why do you feel sorry for him? Mother’s Day really doesn’t mean a lot for younger kids. It’s supposed to be the kid doing “something special” for the mum, not the mum doing something special for the kid. But, at 7 he’s not exactly going to be capable of taking her out for lunch or organising pretty much anything, so the day is fairly meaningless. It’s nice if you have a partner who helps the kid make breakfast in bed/make a card/do something special etc. But we don’t all have partners or partners that give enough of a shit to make an effort

But it's already negatively effecting his relationship with YOU. From an outsider perspective, you don't speak to your mother because she's treated you terribly, then she must be positively gleeful that on mother's day your child has chosen to be at her house! I just couldn't imagine letting my son spend time with someone who has been a dreadful mother to me, not because she'd necessarily be awful to him, but because of the things she could be saying and she's clearly indulging him to make him like being there more than at your home which has normal and positive boundaries!

Mother's day is about being a mother. It doesn't make you queen for the day such that your partner and his child have to arrange their weekend around you. If you were the mother of your partner's child I might see a connection.

The real issue seems to be that your son didn't want to spend the day with you. That is hurtful and it sounds like you then took it out on others. It's odd that he was given that choice instead of asking him what he would like to do with you.

Hi OP

Your DP was forgetful and insensitive. You’re not to blame if you made it clear you’d like to spend the day together, just the two of you. If he didn’t agree with that for any reason (e.g. to be there for his DS if he couldn’t/didn’t want to see his mum), he should have talked to you about it.

But if your 7 year old son feels your (ex)DP doesn’t like him, it’s surely for the best he’s left, especially if you can manage financially as a lone parent. Your DS should want to be with you, especially on Mother’s Day, e.g. a nice day out together without your DP.

Your son must come first. Keep setting boundaries for him. That’s responsible parenting. Kids feel safer with boundaries and are grateful for it in the long-run. Lots of GPs overindulge, though if it’s undermining your parenting, you should set clear boundaries with them (e.g. by talking to your dad).

It’s tough being a lone parent with no/little emotional support from family. But vital to make friends and build your own support network. It’s not healthy to rely on a DP for all one’s social life, even if happily married for 40 years.

Start building a life for you and your son 💐. Maybe plan a special (belated Mother’s Day) day out at Easter, just the two of you. Something you’ll both enjoy.

If this is real, I feel for your husbands son. He was sitting quietly into he house elsewhere, how awful not to feel welcome by his step mother. As you say he's almost an adult and requires no care from you so you'd still have gotten a child free day, why not go out with your husband yourself if you wanted a day with him (though you say childfree day not day with husband).

Its also entirely in your control to not have your 7 yr old spend 40% of his time with his grandparents, you just say no not today etc, and get past the probable push back from him. Or join him there or arrange a day out all together for mothers day?

Anyway, overall in the situation you describe, muttering audibly enough and showing you weren't happy with his presence enough to make the 17 year old leave his own home to go elsewhere was an unkind move.

Wonder if the dp wanted a child free Father’s Day op would happily ship ds off elsewhere?..

Does it take a genius to work out that she didn’t have her own child through their own choice so she said to her husband let’s do something just us and he didn’t listen he went and got his other child which isn’t hers and took him there

I've got a 17yo and 5yo. If I said I wanted a child free day the 17yo wouldn't come into it. He's not really a child, he's a young adult. I can see why your partner didn't see an issue with his 17yo coming round.

So it sounds like you think the 17 year olds mother is some old slag that you despise and yet your partner had a kid with her?