People should make an effort on Mother's day.

It's not about not having the self-esteem to expect anything more. I know my worth and I know what I expect and deserve everyday. I'm not holding out for recognition on just one day.

However, the kids learnt about Mothers day in school so I've helped them to find ways they could surprise/recognise me for that day because that's what they wanted to do. I didn't wait around for anyone else to show them the way.

So if something is important to some people out there, they should get on with showing how it's done to avoid future disappointment.

When I was a child, I remember there being a general idea that Mums should have the ‘day off’ on Mother’s Day. That Mums did a lot for their families and this one day was a chance to thank her and encourage her to put her feet up for the day. We made cards at school for our Mums and some folk gave flowers but I think gifts were rare. My brother and I would make mum tea and breakfast in bed on the day and we’d give her the cards we’d made.

As a mum myself, my expectations are the same. I do like cards, especially homemade. I usually get breakfast in bed and lots of cups of tea through the day. Sometimes they make me a cake. I don’t want to cook on MD and they all know that so either DH cooks or we get a takeaway. This year DS cooked.

So yeah, cards and lots of tea and not having to cook makes for a perfect MD for me.

Why?

We have marked Mothering Sunday on the 4th Sunday of Lent since the 1500’s in the UK… however we choose to celebrate it, it’s definitely not one of those ‘made up by Clinton’s dates..,’ like Father’s Day has turned out to be. It was originally for those in service to return back to their ‘Mother Church’. That aspect might have been lost but it’s not just about the cards and bunch of flowers from Tesco - it’s been around nearly 500 years. I’m a single mum and chose my own present like a lot of people (!) as well as buying something for my own elderly mum. Of course we should all treat our mums with love every day and some people aren’t too bothered about it, but to say it’s all ‘made up’ isn’t it xxx

Also it’s not an American tradition either - “Mothering Sunday” in the U.K. predates the American Mothera day by a couple of hundred years

Nah. I told my kids not to bother. I don’t celebrate any of the hallmark holidays.

I was happy with hugs.

i certainly don’t expect DH to do anything cause im not his mum.

This. And it doesn't have to be at a financial cost. Just love, respect, kindness and consideration.

Getting upset over one day if you are otherwise treated well by those close to you is pointless.

Getting happy if you are given gifts on the day if you are otherwise treated poorly is also pointless.

Take the bigger picture into account.

So people carry on they are desperate to conceive their life will be over if they don't have children they goon to have children and sacrifice their whole life and martyr themselves now their children have thank their mother for being born

There is something odd about all this

I see it everywhere - “I made a huge deal of his bday and Xmas and Father’s Day … i spent loads of time energy and money on personal gifts for him” easy solution is don’t bother next time but some women seem to be perpetual victims of crap presents and put up with it year in year out and rather than actually saying to their chap this isn’t good enough would rather quietly cry and/or complain on MN

that being said I also see plenty of - he got me xyz but it wasn’t good enough. I want a lie in and a meal out and to do nothing at all and and and……maybe these women like to play the hard done by victim who knows but they won’t do anything about it and it will be the same next year

Did you tell them how you felt? If not, I'd do that now. More in a "next year I'd like ..." rather than "you let me down"

Tbh mothers day is about spending time with your mum, not presents. Ive seen so many mums complaining they haven’t had a child free day and I honestly don’t get it.

I have never forced or expected my children to make a big show for Mother’s Day and hate the commercialisation of it all, but appreciated one son who came to stay for the weekend, helped with some gardening, bought a takeaway and spent time hanging out and having a laugh. He gave me a card which he said had been difficult to find as he knows I can’t stand pink, flowery, women-love-prosecco-and-cake type cards.

Not so much from the other son who called in for 10 minutes, an hour and a half after he said he would because he’d been at his gf’s grandma’s all morning, dropped off some sad garage flowers and a generic pink, flowery card and then rushed off because he was treating his gf’s mother and her partner to lunch.

It hurts like hell to be so disregarded, but from reading a couple of other threads it is apparently entirely my fault for being difficult, unwelcoming and expecting too much from him when he has his gf’s family to think of.

People should make an effort for their loved ones all year round, not just on one artificially created day per year (tradition and religion are as artificial and meaningless as commerce).

Being so downtrodden and uncherished for 364 days of the year that you have to pin all your hopes of being appreciated on one day, and have to use that as the litmus test of whether your family loves you, is what's sad.

Conversely if you feel loved, cherished and appreciated as the year-round default in your relationship or family, these artificial "special days" stop mattering as much. People are humans and humans sometimes drop the ball, forget things or get things wrong. That's OK, and if it's not a pattern it doesn't matter.

I agree with PP that if you have expectations you need to actually communicate them and then hold people to them. There's nothing wrong with being explicit that you would like XYZ for a few years until people know what level of effort you expect every year. Shrugging off them ignoring your requests and being a martyr for the day is only going to get the same repeated next year. Likewise many don't want a fuss and communicate so.

Lovely card and dafffodils and some hugs. Affordable but lovely. No one ever feels like they have to make a grand gesture and spend money they don’t have.

I think its a shame that people are instructed to show their mums their appreciation on a certain day of the year and if they don't meet an arbitrary standard, vaguely defined as 'effort', then it causes angst and discontent.
People are talking about their children and must surely know if they are loved and valued by them anyway. The wrong sandwiches don't mean a loving child doesn't care, and a lavish gift doesn't mean an otherwise indifferent one does.

Because despite doing that to me yesterday, my DH is actually pretty good. He remembers my birthday (even if hes not entirely great on the gift buying) and he usually gets me a little something for Christmas.
He dropped the ball on this one, because he’s autistic and his brain won’t let up on doing DIY when he’s got it in his head.

Well that's the point isn't it? It's not about stuff. Now it's about stuff. It's weird.

So why do you put up with it?
Theres no point martyring yourself buying gifts from his mum and slaving away all day doing DIY when you’re actually just feeling bitter about it all.
You’re choosing this life.

I find it weird on MN that lots of people think that after the age of 8 you should never celebrate your birthday, or be disappointed if no-one remembered....so I guess it makes sense that youre "entitled" for wanting a card or any sort of gesture on Mother's day. 🤷‍♀️

I communicated. I said “can I please have a nice card off DC, and some flowers or an Easter egg” I got a day of stripping the bedroom.
I said “ I am purchasing X for your mum and Y for mine off Amazon, would you like me to get myself something?”
I walked into the supermarket and said “I would like an Easter egg, shall I put it in the shopping trolley”
still nothing.

I don't recall mother's day being such a big thing when I was growing up. I do recall making cards at primary school (and Sunday school was a thing when I was young and I remember the children were all given daffodils to hand out to all women in the congregation) but I don't really remember buying cards and gifts (perhaps my mum would have been one to complain if the internet had been more widely available about our lack of effort).

I do think it has become commercialised and materialistic. Just reading the comments on here shows this. Many people upset because the card/gift they got was small/wrong/not what they wanted/not personalised/not meaningful etc.
Small gestures are seen as insignificant (I have seen two posts like this - one where they made breakfast using items already in the cupboard! and another where the sandwiches were bought rather than homemade).

It's another thing I blame on social media and influencers as I think people are exposed to not just what is in the shops but what other people are promoting and saying they will be getting themselves or buying their own mums.

I agree it’s over commercialised but it’s not made up like some pp said. Originally 16C it was for domestic workers to return to their ‘mother church’; their home church, where they were baptised. It fell on the middle of lent and people were allowed temporary respite from their fasting. Invariably most people saw their own mothers at this time and the day evolved.

It became over commercialised in the 20th century and Father’s Day was invented.

Life is short. I’m a firm believer in seizing ANY opportunity to be happy, to celebrate the people we love, to treat other people nicely, to show your appreciation for them. I love Valentine’s Day so that I can show my husband I love him. On Father’s Day my adult daughter gives my husband (not her dad) a card saying he is like a father to her, spelling out her gratitude for all the DIY he does for her. Yesterday I was happy to receive cards and presents from my adult kids and my grandson saying they appreciate me and why. Of course they say thank you through the year, but the joy of having them in the house, of eating cake … What a joyless existence to dismiss everything as a Hallmark occasion, as commercialised rubbish, as just another day. What is life for if it isn’t to try and be happy?

Completely agree.
My own mother never observed it, she is 96 now, and I always made it clear to my children that it did not need to be observed either. ( Although, I always received their school-made cards with appreciation and grace).

It frees them up, from guilt and obligation, and me, from potential disappointment and unmet expectation, one, or both of which, seems all too common going by the threads on here around Mother's Day.
I suppose I'm lucky that my adult DC show love and care throughout the year, by keeping in touch and Christmas and birthdays. I do understand that some people want a little attention or care, though, if they feel unappreciated generally.
But I hate the forced, commercialised part. Another Clinton Card day, it means nothing to me.
I have plenty of self-esteem, and the freedom from all the hype, for my children and me, is lovely!