AIBU to feel disappointed by DP’s ‘effort’ on my first Mother's Day?

Next time you give him a gift, tell him that this is the standard you expect from him in future.😂

I wouldn’t be looking down on anyone else, any one of us could end up single! Sounds better than a relationship with all the anger about cards etc.

YANBU. At all. God the bar can be really low on this site. I work shifts, so regularly work things like Mother’s Day and Christmas and stuff but my late DH always made sure to spoil me regardless. Coffee at stupid o’clock before I leave for work (and I’m talking before 5), then cards from him and the kids when I got home (nice meaningful “to my beautiful wife on Mother’s Day”, “mummy” from the younger kids, “mum” from the older ones, certainly no fart jokes 🤮), and a lovely selection of presents. Always flowers, a well thought out and chosen book, some perfume or something they similarly knew I’d love and chocolates. Oh, and when the kids had Mother’s Day stalls at school, nick knacks from there (sometimes duplicates 🤣).

He had usually booked a late-ish supper out somewhere local, although depending on whether it was a 12hr shift, or had turned into a 14hr+ shift, we didn’t always manage, in which case we had take out and a bottle of wine with all the kids.

I always felt really appreciated and loved, which is what mattered. I know if he hadn’t had the budget for the gifts etc, he would have made up for it in other ways. And it means that now that he’s not here, he’s set an example and my kids have carried on the tradition and treat me beautifully on mothers days and birthdays etc (not that they don’t year round, just that they make extra special effort on special days).

It’s not grabby or bratty to expect your DH to make a special effort on Mother’s Day, especially your first, and especially since you put effort into his first Father’s Day. Talk to him about it. Not in a shouty huffy way, just tell him you felt unappreciated and how you’d rather he’d dealt with it. But give over on the “chavs and single mums” talk, it won’t win you any sympathy because it’s unkind.

YANBU OP.
The first Father’s Day came before first Mother’s Day and you were thoughtful and made an effort. His effort was low grade.

Leaving the price tag on the flowers says it all.
The card choice was puerile. I buy my Mum’s Mother’s Day card a few days before and they always have an abundance of cards left. There’s no need to buy the one he did. I’ve seen cards like that for fathers and more so at Christmas with the worn out Brussels sprouts jokes. I’m amazed anyone would buy a card like that for a mother. He could have gone down the Moonpig card route and put together something similar to what you did.
In short he needs to grow up.

I think we can infer why the restaurant choice ended up being what it was, knowing how quickly places get booked for popular places.

Reciprocate for Father’s Day or be the bigger person. You’ll win either way.

Social media and all these influencer types have a lot to answer for. In fact, everyday people I know that post the picture-perfect birthday, Mother’s Day etc. It’s for show half the time. I think your partner has done well to book a meal out, buy you flowers and mark the day. Mother’s Day for me is about the small things - the homemade presents and cards and the wee nik-naks made at school/nursery.

You are being ungrateful. Card and flowers were totally fine.

If you dont pike the carvery suggest other places in future or perhaps that was in his budget

YABU. You are not DP’s mother! Mother’s Day is really about kids appreciating their mothers. Yours is clearly too young!

I find this expectation that husbands should be rushing out buying Mother’s Day gifts for their wives rather odd.

I know, I did at first too.

Because it does sound like a crappy card and not a very nice place to go for lunch, at least when you’ve got a baby who doesn’t yet need a place to run around.

Now you have a dilemma, OP. I had one like that, who made zero effort for Mother’s Day. I ended up divorcing him, for much bigger reasons than only that, so now, as mentioned, I am a single mum. So you can either stick with this prince amongst men, or become a single mum too.

Only difference is, I don’t think that’s a shameful thing to be!

I felt quite sorry for @Newmum255 until I read her most recent reply.

Damn those ‘chavs and single mums’, eh? Clearly not the right kind of mothers.🙄

This post sums up everything I loathe about mothers day
I’m a single mum and went for an extremely middle class farm shop breakfast with avocado and smoked salmon and sourdough bread
because that’s what my mum wanted, I’m more than confident I don’t need a designated day to know my 3 boys love me very much

Of course you are upset.

I got a “mum” card rather than it saying “first” or “mummy” he got me an Easter egg. Yes I like chocolate but I buy myself Easter eggs all the time once they start being sold so it’s nothing special.

I ended up ordering myself a photo printed on wood of me and my daughter from the day.

He has gotten better ish. What has been hard for me is that for all the years we have been together (19 at the time now 22) he was always great with cards and gifts.

It’s about thought and effort, not necessarily the card/gift. And no thought was put into this.

In another year you will be grateful for a carvery chain with a kids' play area, rather than trying to amuse a toddler in a gastropub restaurant.

The chain carvery sounds grim & not really a treat. Tell him you expect a decent meal out next year. Nothing wrong with high expectations by the way.

Yeah op is farrr too good to eat with plebs like single mums

Was thinking the same myself.

A shit card and a shit meal out.
YANBU OP.

Chavs and single mums, eh?

Stop walking around like your farts don't stink....

They only moan about Mothering Sunday because it's far too early to be moaning about Christmas!

YABU

Seems like you got the Mother’s Day you deserve, you sound vile.

I'd be disappointed with this too. There's nothing wrong with wanting something more thoughtful from someone who is supposed to know what you like and don't like.

The card isn't funny. Mother's Day cards aren't supposed to be funny. The choice of restaurant wasn't very thoughtful either. The OP's child must be a baby still as it's her first Mother's Day. A baby doesn't need a play area.

At least he tried and did arrange something even if it wasn't quite as hoped. It wasn't a complete disaster.

Be honest with him say thanks for organising lunch. Perhaps next year we could try somewhere a bit quieter as we couldn't talk very well (although next year you'll have a toddler so you might want a play area). I'm not sure how to approach the fart card though other than presenting him with a stupid card for his next celebration in return.

Oh dear. You've overshot.

I’m sorry but I’ve completely lost any sympathy for you. “Chavs and single mums”?

Have a good look at yourself and your values.

I’m very happy to be a single mother to my two very lovely teenage children. Being a single parent in no way means I have lower standards for myself or them.

So you’re a snob generally. You got the Mother’s Day you deserved

I'd have been very unimpressed with the card.
Your chavs and single mums comment is unnecessary and spiteful.