AIBU to feel disappointed by DP’s ‘effort’ on my first Mother's Day?

Well you have just listed everything on social media which mumsnet is?
Don't forget a lot of people's income cant stretch to champagne and Jo Malone.
It doesnt make them lesser people or not trying hard enough.

How do children learn if their parents don't teach them? The whole 'you're not his mother' is the biggest load of rubbish and just another way to excuse men being lazy and unkind.
While your children are young it is the job of the parents to facilitate birthdays, Christmas, Mother's Day, Father's Day etc and that's how children learn.

You got a card, flowers and a meal out. It wasn’t what you had visioned but things really are, it’s not like he forgot or hadn’t bothered. It sounds like he liked the card and thought it was funny so maybe he thought it would make you laugh? Flowers are a standard gift and the chain pub meal is where you are Likely to go when you have small kids.

I absolutely fucking hate seeing people say that men just don't see these things as important. Like women are born with an innate ability to remember important dates and treat the people they love with kindness, love and respect.
It's utter rubbish. Women only do this because they are taught to do this and people excuse men's poor behaviour by saying they don't view it as important.

I hate this ‘people are only doing it for social media’ thing. My kids and my husband make a big deal of Mother’s Day. I got the obligatory (lovely) homemade cards and gifts plus breakfast in bed, but my DH also took the kids shopping for flowers, my favourite champagne and my favourite Jo Malone perfume (I’ve run out) plus matching candle. He also shopped for and cooked a lovely meal for us, and invited my mum along too (and made her favourite dessert). I don’t have social media and neither does DH, so absolutely no one else knows what he did/bought (except now you strangers on MN).
Just because people like to make a fuss of/treat others, or (heaven forbid!) like to be treated, doesn’t mean they’re doing it ‘for social media’.

You got flowers and a card, plus a meal out.

How about being less up your own arse about chavs and single mums and be a bit more grateful!

I think this is all nonsense. Until your child is old enough to do something voluntarily why is the expectation on your DP.? You’re not his mother. It’s a load of performative nonsense imho.

YABU. I wouldn't say my bar was low but i am more than happy with breakfast in bed and a homemade card! Are you sure its not to gloat on social media? personally i cant stand performative bullshit and prefer to keep things simple.

Op you have really shown yourself up with your gross attitude. You strike me as someone who needs to feel superior to everyone else and you don’t feel like your dh efforts were Instagramable enough. Focus on the meaning behind the day not trying to look good to people on the internet.

Also other posters insinuating some people have low standards if they don’t expect certain high brow cards and gifts. Have a word. Some people just don’t need a certain style of card/gift/gesture to feel appreciated. Sometimes it’s genuinely the thought that counts not how fancy it looks on social media. Why on earth we have to go down the ‘must have low standards’ route just because people are different is mind boggling.

Is he normally more kind and thoughtful, or does your birthday / other occasions follow this pattern too?

What is he like in general?

I know. I’m having a social media break this year and it’s lovely to avoid all the “look at me” posts.

Yeah, how dare those single mums want to enjoy their mother's day. They should know their place and stay inside.

If your child was born in time for last Father’s Day, they must be nearly 1? YABU to think that the children’s area of a restaurant isn’t for you. Given your chavs and single mums comment, I imagine you are the kind of person who’d have been annoyed to be sat near a baby before you had children - you’d probably have complained that they should have been in the children’s area

Maybe your partner was sending you a message with the card and restaurant he booked based on your attitude!

As it's your first mother's day your baby would now be likely to be messy and noisy, whereas last year for father's day they would have been small and probably slept through the meal.
Booking a family friendly chain is likely to be where you are at now, especially on a busy day where adults want to celebrate without a baby/young kids. Even a nice place may have placed you in an area with other bookings of young children which clearly wouldn't have suited you either.

I was with you until the 'chavs and single mums' comment. You're either trolling or being really nasty and judgemental.

You don't sound very classy so the card sounds ok to me.

Honestly the flowers and meal sound fine anyway - why bring a child and expect to be seated away from all the other children? Even if your little one can't play yet, they might still cry or make a mess and most parents would prefer to be surrounded by other parents who would be sympathetic to that.

Is that ‘effort’ though? What actual effort was involved?

Yanbu OP. How old is he? 12?

My 17yo did better than that. Some freesias and daffodils without price tag, a sweet card that didn't include an insult and lunch in a local bar.

This single mum has raised her son to be more perceptive and have better taste than your dh.

Was feeling a bit of sympathy until this full of chavs and single mothers letting their kids run riot
nasty and judgemental.

It's his first one go easy on him. My DH has only just started getting it right after 7 years. He did make an effort after all, he'll get better at it 💐

I was entirely with you until I read the ‘chavs and single mums’ comment, that was uncalled for.
However to all those saying ‘at least you got a card and a meal’…. Why should anyone be happy with ‘at least?’ A crappy card and a last minute booking to a shit restaurant shouldn’t win him any prizes.

On my first Mother’s Day my husband had gone away to Australia for 3 months and I was so sleep deprived I told someone we had a dog. We didn’t.
He messaged to say that he’d left a gift hidden in a cupboard.
It was a box of maltesers. I put them in the bin.

Woah.Foul.

Wasn't really with you even before that asshole comment.

You sound nice.
Those damn single mums, don’t they know they aren’t allowed to go out for meals in case they offend others.

Wow, I sort of had some sympathy until your comment about single mums. To suggest that single mums are lesser and the sort of people who take their kids to some cheap carvery and let them run wild is such an offensive and sweeping statement!

God forbid your DH ever gets sick of you and join the awful ranks of the single mothers who can’t control their children and have poorly behaved and wild kids who run around disrupting carveries….!