AIBU to send Mother’s Day gift to son’s ex, not partner?

Your son is a waste of good organs. Tell him to stop having more children when he doesn't have anything to do with the ones he's already created.
I have all sons (22, 19 & 17) and i'd be utterly disgusted and ashamed if they behaved like that.

Tell him he doesn't get to dictate to you if you speak to her or you dgc bc you refuse to act like they don't exist like he does. You sound incredibly kind thinking of her xx

Sorry OP but if he were my son, I'd be telling him that I'm thoroughly ashamed of him and disgusted that he doesn't bother to see 4 of his children. And if he got angry at me, I'd tell him to get the f* out of my house and don't come back until he grows up and does better.

I'm glad that you have a good relationship with your granddaughters. I hope you've told their mum that she and her daughters deserve better than their deadbeat father.

I'd rather have a relationship with his ex & his children than with him. It's so good that you're looking out for her and your grandchildren. It was such a lovely gift as well.

He's with the mother of his now child, and it's his responsibility to take care of her mother's day, not yours; but I've no doubt you'll be doing that too, when he leaves her and your grandson.

Happy Mother's Day to you. You have not been unreasonable

Another vote to say that you are 100% doing the right thing. What a lovely person you are! The gifts sound wonderful, and the restaurant voucher is such a nice touch.

I hope your son grows up soon. What an awful man!

You sound lovely. I would prioritise the relationship with your grand daughters over someone behaving like a controlling bully

Honestly OP, even if he follows through with his threat, you will probably be able to see your grandson when he eventually abandons that one too.

sorry yoj son has turned out like this. Keep seeing your grand daughters, I am sure they need you.

You did a nice thing. Your son is an arsehole.

Call his bluff and see what happens. I expect he’ll still be in touch with you. Sounds like he’s knows what a great Mum he has and wouldn’t loose you.
However, he is a bully and being very unpleasant to you, his ex and his daughters which is totally out of order and you shouldn’t let him talk to you like this.
Your granddaughters will always remember you with with happy memories which can’t be the same said for their Dad. That’s very sad as one day he’ll realise what he has done but but then it will be too late.

You 100% did the right thing. You’ve shown him up and he doesn’t like it.

What a great disappointment he must be. You did the right thing.

You've shamed him and he's lashing out. I wonder if he got his girlfriend anything? You sound like a lovely grandma and the kids are lucky to have you.

I can only echo what everyone else has said.

I am pleased you have been able to maintain a relationship with the 4 children and would very much be prioritising keeping that.

Of course you did the right thing. What a turd of a man. I hope your dh had a few choice words for him !

28yrs with 5 children, 4 of whom is trying to ban you from seeing 😡
You're doing it all right things, you only got her something because he won't when I'm sure he's bought something for his current partner.
He's made terrible choices but you don't need go along with his decisions.

How DARE he threaten you and issue ultimatums!!

Who the hell does he think he is? He has no respect for women, no respect for mothers, you included.

I would leave him to FAFO and carry on supporting the mother of your four eldest grandchildren.

What you did for his ex was lovely and your son sounds horrendous.

So not only have 4 kids lost their dad through his choice, he wants them to lose their gran too? Keep being the family she doesn't have. You are not unreasonable and at least someone appreciates the load she's taking on alone. If he cuts you off for it, it's his choice, and his to live with. What a horrible position to be in feeling like you have to choose between grandchildren because he's an idiot.

I don't think I would have been able to resist saying "don't let door hit you on the arse on the way out". What a sack of shit he is. Feel sorry for the new girlfriend he has suckered.

Hopefully your son was ashamed hence his response. It sounds like a nice thing you did & im sure she appreciated it.

Your son sounds awful. I would tell him he has 5 kids and they all need looking after. It’s his choice not to see his own children, how would he feel if that happened to him and he didn’t see a parent

I would also tell him he doesn’t get to tell you who you can and can’t see, you will be having a relationship with all your grandchildren

if That then means you don’t see him or your youngest grandchild that’s on him

he sounds awful, sorry and must be a big disappointment to you , you sound a lovely grandma

Your morals about 100 times better than his. Yanbu, ignore his nonsense.

I think what you did was lovely, keep supporting her regardless of your son’s views

It's a good job you aren't morally bankrupt like he is.

I think it lovely that you keep on touch with her and your grandchildren.

As an aside, has he considered having the snip?

You did a nice thing, he is horrific and needs a vasectomy pronto.

I would continue to see all the grandchild I was allowed to. If he stops you seeing for grandson that is on him