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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by the volume of deleted comments which are merely mildly provocative or robustly stating an opposing opinion, rather than being unacceptably rude or offensive?

186 replies

auserna · 15/03/2026 15:05

NOT a TAAT.

Does anyone else find it highly irritating when threads end up having more holes than Swiss cheese due to so many posts having been deleted?

Much of the time the person at whom the contentious comment was aimed has replied (obviously before the deletion) in a manner that suggests they weren't in the least offended or bothered by it - but now you can no longer see what they were responding to.

It sometimes feels a bit like being back at school, with everyone running to the teacher and gleefully exclaiming, "Reported!" as if they're going to earn a gold star for doing so.

It's not actually injurious to one's health to be mildly ruffled by someone having a different opinion or viewpoint on a particular topic, as happens all the time in real life.

I may be an outlier here, and am happy to accept that if it's the case, but I'm curious to know how others feel.

OP posts:
BIWI · 15/03/2026 20:23

Blueharmonica · 15/03/2026 20:22

No.

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Then explain yourself. And your comments.

BIWI · 15/03/2026 20:23

auserna · 15/03/2026 18:56

Yes, that's another thing - innocuous threads where you wonder how there could possibly be reportable comments posted about a really benign and uncontentious topic.

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With those kind of posts, the issue is probably that they've been started by a PBP (Previously Banned Poster). And it doesn't matter what they're posting - if they're a PBP then their posts will be deleted.

Blueharmonica · 15/03/2026 20:22

BIWI · 15/03/2026 20:18

Are you being deliberately offensive?

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No.

BIWI · 15/03/2026 20:21

DBSFstupid · 15/03/2026 19:41

This is why MN has changed and got a lot worse recently. Dumbed down and no better than Reddit. We are losing our freedom of speech slowly but surely IMO.
I post/look on here because I believe that the discussions may not be huggy, huggy, inoffensive, 'let's be kind BS 'and actually reflect the human condition which is a bit of most things. Honest and real debate.
I'm beginning to feel suffocated actually.

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Freedom of speech has nothing to do with this. It's an expressed wish - by Justine and myriad posters on MN - for posters to post with less aggression and nastiness. There are not many here who advocate for #BeKind, as that's generally seen as a way to tell women to shut up. But there's also no need for the way some posters seem to think that it's OK to post.

Mumsnet has always been a place where you can have an 'honest and real debate'. Nothing has changed in that regard.

If you're beginning to feel suffocated, it does make me wonder exactly what it is that you're wanting to post about?

BIWI · 15/03/2026 20:18

Blueharmonica · 15/03/2026 18:55

It’s ok. I actually have a theory it’s linked to autism rather than learned behaviour, but that’s a different discussion

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Are you being deliberately offensive?

L0nd0nPr1d3 · 15/03/2026 19:44

DBSFstupid · 15/03/2026 19:41

This is why MN has changed and got a lot worse recently. Dumbed down and no better than Reddit. We are losing our freedom of speech slowly but surely IMO.
I post/look on here because I believe that the discussions may not be huggy, huggy, inoffensive, 'let's be kind BS 'and actually reflect the human condition which is a bit of most things. Honest and real debate.
I'm beginning to feel suffocated actually.

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We’ll get having a conversation in RL then. If MN is the only place you feel you can have a discussion you really do have problems.

DBSFstupid · 15/03/2026 19:41

BIWI · 15/03/2026 15:20

Justine has posted recently about wanting MNHQ to deal (better) with unpleasant and nasty posts on MN, accepting that the 'tone' - for want of a better word - has changed for the worse over the last few years.

This is why MN has changed and got a lot worse recently. Dumbed down and no better than Reddit. We are losing our freedom of speech slowly but surely IMO.
I post/look on here because I believe that the discussions may not be huggy, huggy, inoffensive, 'let's be kind BS 'and actually reflect the human condition which is a bit of most things. Honest and real debate.
I'm beginning to feel suffocated actually.

Original poster
auserna · 15/03/2026 18:56

likelysuspect · 15/03/2026 18:52

Yes theres two Im reading at the moment, one was about the Human Being diet and the OP was responding to the person ok but the posts are deleted, another one Ive read today which is about whether a new build property will take a very low offer, the OP is again just responding and chit chatting with the posts that are deleted, none of it makes sense

These have to be the most innocuous threads ever.

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Yes, that's another thing - innocuous threads where you wonder how there could possibly be reportable comments posted about a really benign and uncontentious topic.

OP posts:
Blueharmonica · 15/03/2026 18:55

hazelberry · 15/03/2026 18:48

Sorry Nigel.

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It’s ok. I actually have a theory it’s linked to autism rather than learned behaviour, but that’s a different discussion

likelysuspect · 15/03/2026 18:52

auserna · 15/03/2026 15:24

I didn't say I remembered, I said (para 3 of my OP) that the tone of the response makes it very clear the person it was aimed at didn't find it offensive in the slightest.

The other thing that has struck me recently is how often you see a new thread with a handful of deleted posts by the same poster right at the beginning. Of course it's possible that they were all beyond the pale, but I'm sceptical as to whether that's always the case.

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Yes theres two Im reading at the moment, one was about the Human Being diet and the OP was responding to the person ok but the posts are deleted, another one Ive read today which is about whether a new build property will take a very low offer, the OP is again just responding and chit chatting with the posts that are deleted, none of it makes sense

These have to be the most innocuous threads ever.

hazelberry · 15/03/2026 18:51

Sometimes all of a posters posts are deleted. I assume they are trolling or are a PBP.

Isittimeformynapyet · 15/03/2026 18:51

Blueharmonica · 15/03/2026 17:56

It’s a left wing thing, differing opinions are not to be tolerated and all that. The mods probably get absolutely bombared by Labour supporters.

No it isn't 🙄🙄🙄

hazelberry · 15/03/2026 18:48

Blueharmonica · 15/03/2026 17:56

It’s a left wing thing, differing opinions are not to be tolerated and all that. The mods probably get absolutely bombared by Labour supporters.

Sorry Nigel.

Springisspringingnow · 15/03/2026 18:41

auserna · 15/03/2026 17:53

I was expecting the poll to be roughly 50:50, but it's currently over 80% in agreement.

Tbh i think the poll is pretty meaningless.

The whole issue of reporting posts, the contradictory stance MN has of on the one hand providing the facility to report while simultaneously hiding the mechanism for doing so, the random and often lax way reports are treated means this is a pretty complex issue which your poll isn't really adding much light to .

I think its really good you have addressed the issue of post deletions but the whole issue around reporting posts and the action or non action MN takes around this should really be addressed . Atm their policy is quite detrimental to trust in the site .

Original poster
auserna · 15/03/2026 18:38

Aslighthead · 15/03/2026 17:57

Quite often the Op says “why the heck was that post deleted??” So clearly it wasn’t offending the op!

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Exactly.

OP posts:
Original poster
auserna · 15/03/2026 18:37

auserna · 15/03/2026 18:36

Who's being ridiculous about what?

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Don't worry - I've now seen what you were referring to.

OP posts:
Original poster
auserna · 15/03/2026 18:36

BIWI · 15/03/2026 17:57

Don't be ridiculous.

Who's being ridiculous about what?

OP posts:
Aslighthead · 15/03/2026 18:32

ilovesooty · 15/03/2026 18:28

It was a ridiculous question.

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Oh relax!

ilovesooty · 15/03/2026 18:28

BIWI · 15/03/2026 18:23

No!

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It was a ridiculous question.

BIWI · 15/03/2026 18:23

Aslighthead · 15/03/2026 17:58

Are you a moderator @BIWI ?

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No!

Bagsintheboot · 15/03/2026 18:14

ClaredeBear · 15/03/2026 17:40

I’ve noticed exactly the same thing, ie the OP responds to a deleted post in a perfectly normal, rational manner. It leads me to believe that many deleted posts are unlikely to cause offence. That’s what the OP is saying. Not that thy remember what’s being said, nor that they are the poster. I appreciate you’re saying we can’t know this for sure as we can’t see deleted posts but I’m sure you understand how the OP of this thread might have deduced this.

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I think sometimes if a previously banned poster is detected they just wipe all their posts, so it could sometimes be that.

SerendipityJane · 15/03/2026 18:09

It always does to remember that it's MNs site:MNs rules. No matter how byzantine the moderation may seem. Especially if you aren't paying for it.

It's entirely possible that a post in one thread could be deleted whereas the same comment in a different thread stands. Which is confusing at times.

Isittimeformynapyet · 15/03/2026 18:07

Aslighthead · 15/03/2026 15:32

Out of interest are you an anti vaxxer?

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It doesn't sound like it does it.

Blueharmonica · 15/03/2026 18:04

Port1aCastis · 15/03/2026 18:00

Don't be daft

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So you haven’t just reported the post?

TrashHeap · 15/03/2026 18:02

It's pathetic, honestly. They are far too trigger happy deleting comments.