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Original poster

AIBU to think DD’s ‘friend’ got a buzz cut to spite her?

288 replies

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 12:53

My 22 year old DD has a male ‘friend’ who she has been on and off in a situationship with for a few months, they were friends before that.
On Wednesday she had a few girlfriends over as well as him and were just randomly discussing hairstyles. All the girls including DD mentioned they don’t like buzz cuts and then that was that. Yesterday, he came over to pick up DD to go out and he had been to the barbers and had a buzz cut! Only 3 days after he heard that DD and the other girls mentioned they don’t like them, he got one. I thought it was weird. He had really attractive blond wavy hair and he got rid of it for what?

AIBU to think this was quite narcissistic and he wanted to spite her, could be a bit of a stretch but perhaps even slightly misogynistic. Some males often do try to put down things women like and I’ve seen an increase in these buzz cuts recently.

Am I thinking too much into it or was he being spiteful? It’s just really irked me!

OP posts:
user7538796538 · 15/03/2026 16:18

Oh I wish I had this kind of problem to be worrying about!
it’s hair, not even your hair. It’ll grow back.

LetsGoFlyAKiteee · 15/03/2026 16:14

Maybe he just wanted to see what it looked like on him. Or fancied a change! End of the day its his decision no one else's

SparkleHorse82 · 15/03/2026 16:14

Firstly, this isn’t really anything to do with you. Secondly, he may have done it to ‘test’ how into him she really was. Which is fair enough tbh. Maybe he really likes her but suspects she is only interested in his looks, not him - and wants to know the truth?

ChinaPlates · 15/03/2026 16:09

I hope he did do to spite her and they split up. Poor lad. Having the mother of someone he is occasionally fucking start a thread about how he should keep his hair long because her daughter and her friends like it better.

WilfredsPies · 15/03/2026 16:07

You’re annoyed with him for getting his hair cut in a style your DD has just informed him she isn’t keen on? I’m sure someone will have said this already, but what would you say to your DD if she told you that she wanted to cut her hair but this boy had said he only likes girls with long hair, so she couldn’t? Can you see how outrageously unreasonable you are being?

ValidPistachio · 15/03/2026 16:03

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 15:34

OK I admit narcissistic and misogynistic was probably a stretch. I still can’t connect the dots together on how his male brain could think that a buzz cut after hearing negative opinions would be the right move and how his new haircut is better than the old one? Oh well each to their own.
I’m quite protective over my children and I find it hard not to get involved. I just want DD to have a boy who respects her.

It was definitely a massive stretch. And why does his new haircut need to be “better” than the old one? What is wrong with you?

AcrossthePond55 · 15/03/2026 16:02

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 15:34

OK I admit narcissistic and misogynistic was probably a stretch. I still can’t connect the dots together on how his male brain could think that a buzz cut after hearing negative opinions would be the right move and how his new haircut is better than the old one? Oh well each to their own.
I’m quite protective over my children and I find it hard not to get involved. I just want DD to have a boy who respects her.

Maybe his mother would like him to have a girl who 'respects him enough' to believe that his hair is his business. Do you think 'respect' means only doing what the other person deems acceptable in a 'situationship' or relationship?

FWIW my younger son normally got a buzzcut for the summer as it was much cooler than his beautiful mop of curly hair. So maybe after all their judgy talk this boy got thinking about buzzes and thought "You know, I bet it would be cooler in the summer". Maybe it just made him wonder what he'd look like with one. Maybe it made him realize he'd always wanted to try a buzz and someone's 'negative opinion' doesn't mean shit when it comes to how he wears his hair.

At any rate it's nobody's business what he does with his hair. And if you think 'getting involved' means slagging this boy off to your DD about a haircut then think again. It's actually getting 'over involved'.

AmandaBrotzman · 15/03/2026 16:00

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 15:34

OK I admit narcissistic and misogynistic was probably a stretch. I still can’t connect the dots together on how his male brain could think that a buzz cut after hearing negative opinions would be the right move and how his new haircut is better than the old one? Oh well each to their own.
I’m quite protective over my children and I find it hard not to get involved. I just want DD to have a boy who respects her.

This is weird. You shouldn't be so invested in her relationships, especially this one which isn't even a proper relationship. Let her make her mistakes in her youth without running to mumsnet to discuss them.

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 15/03/2026 15:57

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 15:51

@Duckiewasthefirstniceguy Nope. He left me for someone else in 2016. Not great but what can you do?

So, you’ve been single for a decade? Absolutely nothing wrong with that, but might that be the reason you’re so enmeshed in your DC’s relationship?

x2boys · 15/03/2026 15:55

Bikergran · 15/03/2026 15:46

It's more than likely he just glazed over and didn't actually hear a word that was said......he's a man.

This is far more likely scenario 😂🤣
Although I do it too with my dh .

ThatPearlkitty · 15/03/2026 15:51

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 12:59

@WonderingWanda they we’re not casting judgement, they were just mentioning their preferences, which is a normal thing to have.

my guess is one of the others is jealous and said to him that she really likes buzz cuts (correction did he specifically know her preference ?)

Original poster
RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 15:51

@Duckiewasthefirstniceguy Nope. He left me for someone else in 2016. Not great but what can you do?

OP posts:
x2boys · 15/03/2026 15:51

FloofBunny · 15/03/2026 15:44

That's exactly the kind of thing narcissists do, very particularly covert narcissists. I was married to one for years. You have to know one to spot this stuff.

An actual diagnosed one ?

outerspacepotato · 15/03/2026 15:50

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 15:34

OK I admit narcissistic and misogynistic was probably a stretch. I still can’t connect the dots together on how his male brain could think that a buzz cut after hearing negative opinions would be the right move and how his new haircut is better than the old one? Oh well each to their own.
I’m quite protective over my children and I find it hard not to get involved. I just want DD to have a boy who respects her.

Body autonomy is a thing.

He can do whatever he likes with his hair. Just because your daughter doesn't like it, so what. Maybe he's not easily influenced. It's a hair cut. Hair grows.

Creu · 15/03/2026 15:49

🤣 yes, this is the defintion of woman hating.

Man gets haircut that women haven’t previously approved. It’s exactly the kind of shit the suffragettes were campaigning against.

RainbowBagels · 15/03/2026 15:49

Blueunicornthistle · 15/03/2026 15:41

Right back at you.

I’d really like my DS’s girlfriend and her Mum to respect my DS. To understand that he is an entirely independent person who can make decisions that they disagree with.

Respect for your DD extends to accepting her personal autonomy, it doesn’t mean the boy has to hand over his own.

Your opinion on this is wild. I’d be advising my DS to run a mile.

Do your father and husband just do everything you and your mother tell them to? Because that’s really unhealthy.

Edited
Show quote history

Absolutely! Boys have protective mothers too, and if my DS was being dictated to by his female friends to the extent her mother was getting involved in his own bodily autonony I would advise him to stay well away. She is just a friend. So they shag occasionally. If he's no longer attractive to her then she doesn't have to shag him.

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 15/03/2026 15:49

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 15:34

OK I admit narcissistic and misogynistic was probably a stretch. I still can’t connect the dots together on how his male brain could think that a buzz cut after hearing negative opinions would be the right move and how his new haircut is better than the old one? Oh well each to their own.
I’m quite protective over my children and I find it hard not to get involved. I just want DD to have a boy who respects her.

Do you have a partner?

Blueunicornthistle · 15/03/2026 15:47

FloofBunny · 15/03/2026 15:44

That's exactly the kind of thing narcissists do, very particularly covert narcissists. I was married to one for years. You have to know one to spot this stuff.

You are diagnosing narcissism solely on the basis that the lad chose a haircut the girl he’s casually seeing doesn't like?

Oh my.

moleeye · 15/03/2026 15:47

Waaaaaaaay too over invested in your 22 year old’s life!

Bikergran · 15/03/2026 15:46

It's more than likely he just glazed over and didn't actually hear a word that was said......he's a man.

FloofBunny · 15/03/2026 15:44

That's exactly the kind of thing narcissists do, very particularly covert narcissists. I was married to one for years. You have to know one to spot this stuff.

Tacohill · 15/03/2026 15:43

I actually think you’re the teenage DD which is why you’re so invested and upset that the boy you like has done something that you said you don’t like.

Boomer55 · 15/03/2026 15:43

Step away from your DS friendships and relationships.

Tacohill · 15/03/2026 15:42

I still can’t connect the dots together on how his male brain could think that a buzz cut after hearing negative opinions would be the right move and how his new haircut is better than the old one?

Ermm because he wanted a buzz cut.
Simple as that.

Buzz cuts are attractive to most people.
If your DD doesn’t like it, then so what.
There will be things about DD that he doesn’t like.

How do you cope in life if you constantly need others peoples approval on things?

Bex071509 · 15/03/2026 15:42

How is getting his hair cut not respecting her?

I’m protective of my children too- this situation does not demand you to be protective!