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Original poster

AIBU to think DD’s ‘friend’ got a buzz cut to spite her?

288 replies

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 12:53

My 22 year old DD has a male ‘friend’ who she has been on and off in a situationship with for a few months, they were friends before that.
On Wednesday she had a few girlfriends over as well as him and were just randomly discussing hairstyles. All the girls including DD mentioned they don’t like buzz cuts and then that was that. Yesterday, he came over to pick up DD to go out and he had been to the barbers and had a buzz cut! Only 3 days after he heard that DD and the other girls mentioned they don’t like them, he got one. I thought it was weird. He had really attractive blond wavy hair and he got rid of it for what?

AIBU to think this was quite narcissistic and he wanted to spite her, could be a bit of a stretch but perhaps even slightly misogynistic. Some males often do try to put down things women like and I’ve seen an increase in these buzz cuts recently.

Am I thinking too much into it or was he being spiteful? It’s just really irked me!

OP posts:
Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 15/03/2026 18:47

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 18:03

I know people are thinking I’ve got involved, I haven’t. I haven’t said anything to her, these are just my thoughts.

I was just a bit concerned that he was turning into the type to disregard women’s opinions and I want her to have a boyfriend who respects her and her friendships and values her (and women’s) views.

However it’s probably me looking into it too much so I’ll let it go.

If you think he shouldn’t get a haircut he fancies just because his girlfriend and her friends don’t like that particular haircut, then you have a deeply disturbing and controlling view of what a relationship is meant to look like. Respecting her and her friendships means doing things according to the aesthetic preferences of her friendship group?! That’s incredibly unhealthy thinking and also makes no sense.

The fact that she isn’t even his girlfriend makes this extra weird, tbh.

BoogieTownTop · 15/03/2026 18:43

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 18:03

I know people are thinking I’ve got involved, I haven’t. I haven’t said anything to her, these are just my thoughts.

I was just a bit concerned that he was turning into the type to disregard women’s opinions and I want her to have a boyfriend who respects her and her friendships and values her (and women’s) views.

However it’s probably me looking into it too much so I’ll let it go.

You’re worried about his haircut when they’re a “situationship”

Give over!

ZoeCM · 15/03/2026 18:38

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 18:03

I know people are thinking I’ve got involved, I haven’t. I haven’t said anything to her, these are just my thoughts.

I was just a bit concerned that he was turning into the type to disregard women’s opinions and I want her to have a boyfriend who respects her and her friendships and values her (and women’s) views.

However it’s probably me looking into it too much so I’ll let it go.

He's not her boyfriend! And even if he was married to her, he'd have every right to cut his hair the way he likes it.

Instructions · 15/03/2026 18:23

This is utterly batshit

Naneeeeeechangeee · 15/03/2026 18:16

What a weird thing to get your knickers in a twist about.

BauhausOfEliott · 15/03/2026 18:09

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 18:03

I know people are thinking I’ve got involved, I haven’t. I haven’t said anything to her, these are just my thoughts.

I was just a bit concerned that he was turning into the type to disregard women’s opinions and I want her to have a boyfriend who respects her and her friendships and values her (and women’s) views.

However it’s probably me looking into it too much so I’ll let it go.

He’s completely entitled to disregard women’s opinions when they’re about his own fucking haircut!

SnipSnipMrBurgess · 15/03/2026 18:09

He isnt her boyfriend, they just like to shag.

Its his hair.

Boomer55 · 15/03/2026 18:08

SnoopyPajamas · 15/03/2026 17:59

Your daughter should find some self-respect and drop the situationship. At the very least, he doesn't care what she thinks of him or want to look attractive to her in particular. Leaving aside questions of misogyny and all the rest of it, he's clearly not that into her. It would be a bit low self-esteem on her side to stick around.

Surely, if you take it to the reverse, then women should look attractive for men? 🤷‍♀️

EgregiouslyOverdressed · 15/03/2026 18:08

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 18:03

I know people are thinking I’ve got involved, I haven’t. I haven’t said anything to her, these are just my thoughts.

I was just a bit concerned that he was turning into the type to disregard women’s opinions and I want her to have a boyfriend who respects her and her friendships and values her (and women’s) views.

However it’s probably me looking into it too much so I’ll let it go.

‘Situationship’ is revealing language. Is it yours or hers? By definition, a situationship means that one person wants more commitment than the other is willing to give. Which side is she on?

BauhausOfEliott · 15/03/2026 18:08

You’re colossally over-invested in this. Your daughter is a grown woman in her 20s and it’s really fucking weird that you’re paying attention to her friend’s haircut choices. He’s not even her boyfriend! And even he was - they’re adults. None of this has anything to do with you and sound mad.

Bristolandlazy · 15/03/2026 18:08

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 18:03

I know people are thinking I’ve got involved, I haven’t. I haven’t said anything to her, these are just my thoughts.

I was just a bit concerned that he was turning into the type to disregard women’s opinions and I want her to have a boyfriend who respects her and her friendships and values her (and women’s) views.

However it’s probably me looking into it too much so I’ll let it go.

That makes sense, but if it's not a relationship he's not her boyfriend. A situationship means you aren't long term, no commitment etc. I couldn't put up with that myself but each to their own.

Boomer55 · 15/03/2026 18:07

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 18:03

I know people are thinking I’ve got involved, I haven’t. I haven’t said anything to her, these are just my thoughts.

I was just a bit concerned that he was turning into the type to disregard women’s opinions and I want her to have a boyfriend who respects her and her friendships and values her (and women’s) views.

However it’s probably me looking into it too much so I’ll let it go.

His haircut isn’t her business, and it’s most certainly not yours. Would you be happy if he told you that you needed to alter your hairstyle?

No? Then leave him be. 😉

Original poster
RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 18:03

I know people are thinking I’ve got involved, I haven’t. I haven’t said anything to her, these are just my thoughts.

I was just a bit concerned that he was turning into the type to disregard women’s opinions and I want her to have a boyfriend who respects her and her friendships and values her (and women’s) views.

However it’s probably me looking into it too much so I’ll let it go.

OP posts:
Bristolandlazy · 15/03/2026 18:02

Their non relationship means they owe each other nothing, it's none of her business what he does.

SnoopyPajamas · 15/03/2026 17:59

Your daughter should find some self-respect and drop the situationship. At the very least, he doesn't care what she thinks of him or want to look attractive to her in particular. Leaving aside questions of misogyny and all the rest of it, he's clearly not that into her. It would be a bit low self-esteem on her side to stick around.

youbizarrehorse · 15/03/2026 17:54

God almighty, I really do hope I’m not starting threads on Mumsnet about stuff like this when my DC reach their twenties. I think this has to rank in my top 5 weirdest things to worry about.

BunnyLake · 15/03/2026 17:54

Auroraloves · 15/03/2026 13:00

Situationship?

I will never utter that word in my life! 🫤

Maybe he just thought he’d rock the style and show them guys can look good with a buzz cut 🤷‍♀️

EstoyRobandoSuCasa · 15/03/2026 17:52

x2boys · 15/03/2026 17:04

Its not a boyfriend though or even a sort boyfriend
Essentially how would you.feel if you had an occasional hook up who told you they didnt like your hair and their mother got involved ?

Show quote history

She didn't tell him she didn't like his hair though, did she? She said she didn't like a certain haircut, which he didn't have at the time, but then went out and got almost immediately afterwards.

OP later heard the two of them talking about it and it made her think, so she started a thread. Reading OP's posts, I can't see that she has said anything to either of them. So presumably, neither of them would know that she feels "involved".

It might be that the "friend" was already planning to get a buzz cut and simply didn't let the girls' opinions put him off. Or he might be making some kind of passive-aggressive statement. We don't know.

VIOLETPUGH · 15/03/2026 17:50

What an odd post, do you look for bad in everyone ?

SummerFrog2026 · 15/03/2026 17:49

Tacohill · 15/03/2026 15:28

It’s likely that he said he was getting his haircut and wanted a buzz cut, which is why they were all discussing it.

Good on him for getting what he likes and not worrying about what others think.

Its sounds as though you teach your DD to do things only if everyone else likes it.

Your DD sounds like she’s got main character syndrome.
And you’re way too invested in your DDs and her friends lives.
Cut the apron strings.

Don't blame the DD, she hasn't said anything about it! This is ALL the OP's batshittery!

5128gap · 15/03/2026 17:48

If you're certain it's related to DD stating her preference I'd think he's sending a message he doesn't want to be attractive to her. Perhaps he's worried she likes him in a way he doesn't reciprocate and wants to discourage her.

thetinsoldier · 15/03/2026 17:38

What a weird take on it! His hair, his decision.

You seen a little too over-invested…

FaceBothered · 15/03/2026 17:38

Sunshineandoranges · 15/03/2026 16:57

Erm what is a situationship exactly?

FWB/fuck buddies.

That sort of thing.

ZoeCM · 15/03/2026 17:34

Dreamcatcherat50 · 15/03/2026 13:31

Definitely possible. Keep an eye on him for escalation OP.

Ignore the nasty language from posters who are desperately upset that your daughter is in a casual relationship and you and she are fine with that.

'So he's shagging your DD on and off' 🙄

This site is full of women who deeply believe in marriage and tolerating misery. They don't/won't have sex and are very easily upset.

This post actually makes the OP look sane by comparison, which is no mean fear.

anonymoususer9876 · 15/03/2026 17:32

RedBear685 · 15/03/2026 15:34

OK I admit narcissistic and misogynistic was probably a stretch. I still can’t connect the dots together on how his male brain could think that a buzz cut after hearing negative opinions would be the right move and how his new haircut is better than the old one? Oh well each to their own.
I’m quite protective over my children and I find it hard not to get involved. I just want DD to have a boy who respects her.

This sounds more like an issue you have tbh. “I’m quite protective over my children..” most parents are but not to the point of paranoia in thinking the buzz cut is some retaliation. I think you need to look at why that is.