AIBU to think DD’s ‘friend’ got a buzz cut to spite her?

Buzz cuts are the in style right now!

Buzz cuts aren't even interesting enough to be called a stylistic choice. They're just the default way many men make their hair shorter when they're sick of it being long. In a week or two it won't be a buzz cut any more.

How did the daughter actually react to it? We all have our preferences but very often it doesn't actually matter in real life. I prefer clean-shaven men but I can cope if DP grows a temporary short beard (and I don't assume he does it to spite me if that happens, I assume he cba to shave for a few days).

Many years ago I had a FWB who said he didn't fancy women with short hair. I cut my hair short soon after that - not directly because of it but I did think, bet you still fancy me with short hair. He did, and I was smug at proving him wrong. I'd assume this guy felt similarly.

Or he zoned out and didn't process any of their conversation except the words "buzz cut" which reminded him he wanted one.

I gave myself a lockdown buzz cut and it felt really, really satisfying in a weird way - I often think about doing it again.

His hair, his body, his choice.

But if you like someone, you don't tend to deliberately go out and change your appearance to something they've just said they don't like. That's a pretty clear statement of disinterest.

What nonsense. Plenty of people choose their own style and comfort over what their partner would ideally choose, and rightly so.

Also, this man isn’t even the DD’s boyfriend. They’re not in a relationship.

You still aren’t getting it RedBear.

He can respect your daughter, respect her friendships, value her views and still choose to cut his hair into any style he chooses.

“Respect” doesn't equal obedience, it doesn't equal compliance.

A “respectful” relationship is not about negating your own opinions and suppressing your own choices in favour of the other persons.

“Respect” means he values her right to make her own decisions and set her own boundaries, and vice versa

My DH and I have been very happily married for nearly 30 years. During that time, I’ve had hair cuts he didn’t like, worn clothes he didn’t like, voted for political parties he didn’t agree with and had friends he wasn’t keen on.

He loves me anyway. A successful relationship doesn't require you to agree on everything all the time.

This is honestly getting weirder with every post. “Disregarding women’s views”? He’s not saying women shouldn’t have the vote or get involved with politics, for Christ’s sake - he just chose his own haircut!

I don’t even get what “respects her friendships” means. Does he have to worry about what your daughter’s friends think of his hair now as well as your daughter? Because I can’t imagine anyone giving a stuff. Or does “respecting her friendships” in this context mean you think he’s embarrassed her in front of her friends by showing he’s not under the thumb? Do you think she’s overstated the seriousness of the relationship to them and now feels a bit of a fool?

Also, this is the second post where you’ve said what you want in a boyfriend for your daughter. He isn’t her boyfriend. And that’s what’s really bothering you, isn’t it? You don’t approve of this situation, would rather your daughter had a more serious/stable relationship, and think this is the kind of thing a boyfriend should fall into line on. Well that’s up to your daughter. Maybe she’s happy to have something casual going on. And even if she isn’t, she’s a grown woman - it’s up to her.

Exactly this

OP. Have you considered getting a hobby or watching TV?

What about fin the guy she was in a situationships father gave his preference 🤮

Possibly he's met someone he does want a relationship with, and it's a cack handed way of stopping the casual sex without losing the friendship or hurting her feelings. Or he doesn't think he's her boyfriend so couldn't care less what her opinion of his hair is, they were chatting about it and he thought 'ooh buzz cut', not considering that his casual flings mother thought he was son in law material and was now disappointed in him.

Flip it the other side. If your daughter had waist length hair and decided she wanted a shoulder length bob for a new look, would she be narcissistic if the guy she was casually dating gave his preference on preferring long hair, but she decided she fancied a change regardless?

Someone on another thread asked what 'main character energy' was. This is it. Presuming that your daughter and friends opinion is influencing a mans haircut is vastly overestimating how important their thoughts are.

If the buzz cut fails, there's always a surprise relocation to Yemen 😂

(I know it's Friends and it's over the top for comedic effect, but 22 year olds pull iterations of this desperate stunt every day. Don't let your daughter be Janice!)

Isn't she old enough to handle this herself if she feels like a doormat it in her control to do something about it

She has brains just as much as him i presume so why dont women use them? Being thrown a bot of attention gives women stars in their eyes and follow along like a puppy they dont need too

As its a 'situationship' you may be concerned that your DD is being short changed/disrespected, and would prefer to think it was this way from HER choice, and that given the chance he'd offer 'proper boyfriend status'? The haircut business is not the actions of a man 'courting' or trying to impress a woman. Rather they suggest he couldn't care less about her opinion. Is this what bothers you?

If they're describing it as a "situationship", he's not her boyfriend. And it sounds like he doesn't want to be. If she wants him to be, that's another problem.

You're rushing to the manosphere and misogyny, but they are 22! It's a dumb, awkward age, frankly. He wouldn't be the first 22 year old to get into a casual relationship and not know how to get out of it again.

We're talking about one specific man and one specific woman here. Anyone can do whatever they like to their own appearance, for any reason. But if you like someone, you don't tend to deliberately go out and change your appearance to something they've just said they don't like. That's a pretty clear statement of disinterest.

It's a casual relationship. The boy can cut his hair however he wants. He doesn't need the girl's permission. But she's equally entitled to decide the buzz cut isn't for her and stop having sex with him! Given that he knows she's not attracted to this hairstyle, I actually suspect he's trying to put her off him and encourage her to be the one to end their fling. The fact that they were friends first makes me suspect this all the more. Getting a bad haircut is far from the craziest thing a man has ever done to avoid initiating a break-up. For all we know, the fling has run its course and he's just trying to find a way to end it without hurting her feelings.

I agree completely - you have worded it perfectly, @damsondamsel.

But he isn't her boyfriend and they aren't in a relationship.

Even if so, it is HIS hair. It's completely up to him what he does with it.

And a narcissist!!

This. You said he's a lovely boy, your DD is friends with him even though they occasionally shag. Yet he does something with his own hair and he is suddenly he's turning into someone who disrespects all women and their opinions?? You should raise it with him so he knows what he's dealing with, and has the chance to run a mile!

Quite frankly he is allowed to disregard her opinions on matters like his own hair cut or other personal aesthetic choices, just as she is free to disregard his opinions on her hair/clothes/makeup and do whatever she likes. It is not misogynistic of him to have different opinions on trivial things; he does not always have to appease your daughter and her friends. Also, buzz cuts are pretty fashionable at the moment, which is probs why you've seen more young men with them.

This is honestly so weird

@RedBear685 - maybe he got a buzz cut because that was what he wanted, and felt his choice of haircut didn’t have to depend on the opinion of some friends. He was under no obligation to base his choice for his body on your dd’s opinion - and it was just that - her opinion, not a diktat that he had to follow.

Would you be happy if he decided he didnt like a style of hair DD wanted? Would you tell her not to get her hair cut or would you tell her it’s her hair and her choice?

it’s not disrespectful to get a haircut your DD and friends dislike, in fact it’s controlling on your part to think he should do what your DD likes.