4 children, no happy Mother’s Day

@bytheway9 I really do hope they surprise you soon!

Mine ignored it a few years ago and I was really upset. I went out and stayed out the entire day, remember calling a friend and crying about what a bad mum I must be for the kids to not even acknowledge it.

Turns out they had planned on acting like they’d forgotten and had booked a restaurant for dinner. I spent the day at my friends house and they all turned up there begging for forgiveness. I was in no mood to go out by then so we ended up getting a take away at home when they finally gave me their cards and gifts.

it never is about the gifts for me but is about the thoughtfulness and a chance for DC to show they love and appreciate me as their mother.

You need to go on strike for a bit, OP! No dinner, make a sandwich if you’re hungry - and preferably take yourself off to a hotel for the night. And tell them why!!
Have you got a P Inn anywhere near?

Why are you running around doing everything for them?
Tell your husband it’s his day to do it and take yourself out the house !

Definitely husband at fault. Just like my husband used to be and also one of our sons in law. Luckily KS1 school, pre school, Sunday school and toddler group have come up trumps with the cards and flowers. And I ordered a brilliant Wonderbly Mother's Day book featuring the children and Mummy to share and make them all laugh, Mummy ( vet nurse ) has been at work all morning !!!

Why do you not feel like you’re entitled to receive a fuss on Mother’s Day? Ideally they would do it without you saying anything but unfortunately sometimes in life you need to let people know your expectations. Why leave people having to guess what is really important to you if you’ve never said it? With the age of your kids this is mostly on your husband to corral them a certain extent - have you let him know you’re upset?

That’s really crap of them OP and I don’t think it is your DH fault at their ages. I can understand you don’t fancy going out in the rain by yourself as a PP suggested but could you order a lovely takeaway just for yourself? That might get the message through about what selfishness looks and feels like.
I’m hoping that they have a surprise in store for you though, it’s not too late yet x

Not all kids need reminding. I walked past a group of young teenagers on bikes yesterday, only around 14 and I heard one of them ask what the rest of them are doing for Mother’s Day! I was shocked but proud of them 😂

I don’t want to ask for that as I am not entitled to anything

What does this even mean? Do you think that your entire family are entitled to treats and being made a fuss of but you aren't.

Stop being a martyr!

In the same way that you taught your kids to share with other kids, take turns, be gracious in defeat and all the other lessons that makes society work, it is your duty to teach them not to take the person that does the most for them for granted.

I don't agree with the ignore Father's Day approach because that just leads to ignoring any cause for celebration and what are we on this earth for if it isn't to have a good time.

Have a family chat, let everybody say what they would like to happen on birthdays, Mothers Day, etc and agree on an approach for all so that your children can see that every member of their family is important and worth celebrating.

Op could they be pretending to have forgotten then they will surprise you. I would get dh into another room and say have the kids got me anything if he says oh shit no then tell him to finish lunch whilst you go rest and then tell him he should have done something for his 4 ungrateful kids. Sorry op this is crap and I really hope there is a treat coming your way soon.

I love this so much. Well done you 👍

This.

This is on your husband. Not the kids.
Use your voice and tell him that you’re hurt by his lack of effort.

Why the fuck are you running around waiting on them while they watch a film?

You get what you tolerate.

This is so true, and you don't seem to care either way so why would they? Maybe they genuinely think you aren't bothered?

You need to communicate your expectations before you can get upset that they haven't lived up to them. Your DH is the one that has massively failed you IMO, what has he said?

Sorry OP but I too, think you’re being a martyr, and a bit silly. Yes it’s disappointing that they’ve done nothing. Could there not have been conversations in the run up to the day about what you’d like to do? I have a seven month old baby and brought it up about two weeks ago with my partner and he said “don’t worry, Henry and I have it all in hand!” But if he hadnt already been planing something, I’m sure me bringing it up lightly would have spurred him on, and made him realise it’s important to me.

And as for you running around like their maid whilst simmering with anger, that’s on you. Say something for gods sake! Let them know how you feel. And have a damn good word with your husband tonight about how to teach your children to mark these occasions.

Why? Just don’t! Go read, run a bath, go for a walk - declare it’s Mother’s Day so you’re off duty! My feet are well and truly up! Eldest has given me a gift and card, youngest has done jack all but is making me tea tonight. I’ve told them it’s Mother’s Day and I’m doing what I want. Which is nothing!

Bloodyhell I'd lose my shit aswell. Selfish sods. I'd definitely tell them I'm disappointed with the lack of acknowledgement.

Do you want them to grow up as selfish adults? Pull them up on it.

Well more fool you for running around after them.

@bytheway9

you might not like it, but your kids probably would

we don’t go into motherhood because we want cards and presents, OP!! The joy of servitude should be enough for you! That’s a woman’s role after all, what’s wrong with you?? @bytheway9
Get cracking make their lunch…and they could probably do with you making them some nice homemade snacks for while they are watching the film also

Use this as a teachable moment for your future 40 yr old children. If this happened to one of your children what would you want them to do about it? Take themselves out by themselves? Make themselves comfortable at home and make it clear they won't run around for the rest of the family? I'm guessing, it won't be to swallow it down, martyr themselves and have a quiet cry while not tackling it. What would you suggest your child should do to save mother's day for herself? Have a think then take your own advice and do that.

Sorry that was aimed at @WhatwillitTake

Happened just now! My son has just admitted that he forgot (he's 19). I hugged him but told him that it was ok to be late but could he remember to do something in the coming week otherwise I would feel hurt. I have no idea if this is the 'right' way but as a single parent his absent father isn't going to encourage him. Frustratingly I will still ensure that he buys his blasted father a present as I feel it's important to learn this skill even if I have to do this with a false smile plastered on my face and through gritted teeth!!!

Sometimes you have to ask for what you really want. There is no shame in it. Don't feel sorry for yourself, be active and vocal about what you want.

Set an example for your children too, don't be passive. If you want something, make it happen.

And get the kids to help with lunch, dinner daily. Small tasks for the younger ones too. You'l be doing them a favour by teaching them how to start being self sufficient.

I put so much effort into making things special for everyone else for birthdays and Christmas and Father’s Day but it’s only because I usually do it all.
@bytheway9 well that stops right now then!

tell H that you’re not impressed by his lack of effort for you with the kids and you’ll be matching the energy from now on. Your kids are learning from him to do the bare minimum

FFS stop being a martyr. Tell your husband to organise lunch, tea drinks etc.

You sound like a slave not a Mum. Quit with the running round after them. I was in charge of getting my own juice as soon as I could reach the tap 😆.