4 children, no happy Mother’s Day

All the people saying do nothing for Father"s day...would the dad's care?
I don't think dh would. Maybe he does enjoy it? He's wouldn't sulk if we all forgot, he probably wouldn't even know himself.

Anyway, I just feel that's not the punishment some posters think it is.

In a lot of houses, it's the mum that does the lions share of the parenting, and sometimes the cooking too. So it's one day that mums needs to be appreciated imo. However they want that to be...a card, present etc.

Yeah because 5 year olds are always reading newspapers and magazines. My 5 year old loves nothing more then getting up and reading the business section while drinking her morning coffee

Do they need to?

It's all over the TV, in newspapers, magazines and there are displays in every supermarket.

Even a blind man on a galloping horse couldn't be unaware of it !

Are you seriously no going to say something. I would of said something after about 10 minutes if I wasn't given a card and nobody said happy mothers day. Use your words

I wonder why you might think it is her responsibility to get her husband and children to appreciate her ? Seems like the ultimate woman's work!

The bottom line is that if you don't say something, then you're basically expecting them all to mindread. I know lots of people will say they should know, but if you've been a martyr and never told them, how do they know?

My DM always wafts of burning martyr and basically gets ignored. It's very tedious getting told off for something you never knew you were expected to do. Plus if you do the thing at the right time, she's not particularly grateful. I think she prefers to be the victim.

(And yes, DF was useless but he's not been around for many years.)

YABU, only because you are whinging in here and running round after them instead of telling them to their faces how disappointed you are.

From your posts it seems you are acting as a skivvy for the family and do the all the admin , and haven't called them out on it, so I'm not sure what made you think today would be any different.

If you don't want to go out, and least just make yourself a drink or something and go and lie on the bed with a book or magazine,

More fool you if you carry on running around after them.

They are all watching a film together in the lounge while I run around doing everything for them as they call out for me to get lunch ready and bring drinks in

why are you indulging them, including your H?

they will turn into selfish adults if you continue to enable selfish behaviour during their formative years.

this is down to you.

and your H should have got off his useless backside and arranged things with each of your children. He's part of the problem! You both need to parent.

😁 😁

Seriously?? Must be a man. You know nothing of the OP's situation or life. What a horrible comment.

I've lost count of the number of replies you've had urging you to make a stand for yourself, OP, and you've basically ignored every one of them. Your thread was an opportunity for you to learn something about yourself that would have an impact on your self-esteem in the future, not to mention how your family system works (against you). But you're so attached to denying yourself, you can't make use of the insight you're being offered.

The only glimmer of hope is that you know there's something wrong, or else you wouldn't have started the thread. But it seems like you'll be stopping that penny from dropping for a lot of 'Mothers Days' to come. Such a pity, particularly for your young daughters, who need to learn to value themselves too. You could show them.

I dread to think what your husband is neglecting to teach your son at times like this.

Yeah sometimes you do need to be a bit forthright with these things. I told DH I was having a lie in. I then text him to bring me coffee when I woke. There’s no way either of those things would have happened if I hadn’t directly told him what I wanted (!)
I’ve put my feet up and reminded the kids that it’s Mother’s Day and I’m having a rest today because I work very hard for them…. It doesn’t hurt to remind them of all you do. They need to learn that the relationship is two way!

It might still be coming Op. A cake and card or similar.

It would be odd for your DD to mention it then forget by the next day ...

I’m sorry you’ve had this too. I tried not to let it upset me, but then wherever I looked this morning, there were little kids and their dads clutching bunches of flowers. Even a quid bunch of daffs from Tesco would have been something.
sending solidarity.

Pay it forward and do sweet FA for Father’s Day

Well there is the problem. They regard you as a skivvy who does their bidding. And you go along with it.

I would not tolerate being treated like this any day of the year. Its just rude.

And I would have made it clear I expected something for Mother's day. And I would do that because I want them to understand how successful relationships work. They rely on gratitude and appreciation and engaging in the celebrations that are conventional in your culture.

If you want them to grow into people who appreciate others and form good relationships you have to teach them how to do that in their childhood. Its why I am so clear with my children about them showing appreciation and doing something for Mother's Day.

So you mean, essentially, this is down to OP...

Then its you being an absolute mug here.

Stop running round after them and go out and get yourself tea and cake.

Or at the very least sit down and do whatever you want to do and do NOTHING for them.

I refuse to lift a finger today. Except I do have some work to do!

Stop being a martyr! There’s no point in moaning to us - tell them it’s Mother’s Day and they’re getting their own snacks and making dinner. And you want a treat sharpish.

Goodness gracious @bytheway9, your post has made me sad and angry at the same time. Sad that your children haven't remembered and your huband hasn't reminded them and made sure they sorted something. However, it's also made me really angry, because you are allowing this to continue and are being a martyr to it. WHY are you running round after them, WHY are you even contemplating making them lunch? Stop it, just stop it, you are allowing them to wipe their feet all over you!

Right now, go and sit on the sofa, pick up the remote on the way, sit down, change channel and when they all start chuntering tell them in no uncertain terms that it's Mother's Day, you are their mother and it's about time they stopped mistaking you for their unpaid skivvie and that you are doing nothing else for the day. Then give your husband a hard stare and ask him if he understands.

Why would you allow them to treat you like that?

The day is not over yet op, maybe there are waiting for a moment to surprise you could that be a possibility? hope so op, it does hurt when we feel unimportant and forgotten about. One of my dc isn't very thoughtful and has to be reminded and prompted about cards and gifts etc.

Also if this continues you’re both teaching your kids that it’s normal for women to make a fuss of everyone else on special days but to not receive any appreciation themselves - this is how this set-up continues through generations!

Why is buying a household item a treat for you?

Get out, find a nice place for lunch, don’t drive and treat yourself to a couple of glasses of wine.

Why on earth are you running around after them all! Take yourself off somewhere, go and buy the cushions you like, or something entirely for yourself.

Another shit Husband, do the same for him for Father’s Day.

“They are all watching a film together in the lounge while I
run around doing everything for them as they call out for me to get lunch ready and bring drinks in.”

Why are you letting this happen? My children are 24 and 21 and they have never sat watching a film while I run around doing everything as they call out for lunch and drinks, never mind on Mother’s Day.