AIBU to expect anything from my husband for my first mother's day?

Happy Mother’s Day 💕
Match his effort on Father’s Day. And actually do not do anything!
I’m sorry he didn’t even get a card that’s shitty.

Women are mostly socialised to find meaning and emotion in these rituals and men are largely not.

How many men send cards and gifts to their mates on their birthdays? How many women do?

It's not unreasonable for men not to know women expect cards from their newborn babies (or, as in another thread, from their cat!)

(It's unreasonable of them not to indulge if it's been communicated to them that it's important.)

It didn’t occur to my DH who went out and bought his DM flowers and a card when she was staying with us and our 1st DD was 4mths old! After pointing it out to him at the time, he made an effort every year until they were old enough to sort themselves. He’s an otherwise v thoughtful and involved DH/ DF to our kids, just didn’t occur to him as I wasn’t his mother 🙄😂

Happy first mothers day OP, how wonderful you are finally here after waiting for your baby!
I hope that you can give him a bit of a kick up the arse, a man who is lacklustre at life and gives up easy needs to turn things around if he wants to be a good dad and partner. He should bring joy to both of your lives, as you and your baby are worth celebrating, just remember that.

Happy Mother’s Day 💐💐

Of course it’s thoughtless of him.

I am 8 months pregnant and have just received a lovely card and gift from my husband and our child isn’t even here yet but he knows how hard pregnancy has been and how much I’m about to go through by giving birth to our child and he wants to show his appreciation and love.

Tell your husband how you feel and why he needs to do better. Don’t tip toe around the subject and feel like you’re causing a fuss. You’re asking for the bare minimum.

This is very hurtful! Even more so the IVF journey you have both been on. I would share you feelings and say how hurt you are. We always remember the 1st with your babies and that is not a nice memory

I think first child and only 3 months old , it probably still settling in as new situation and this can be quite the shock/change. I think you need to make it clear you feel hurt by lack of card, but then leave it at that.

On another point your post mentions him basically doing his own thing, Do not conflate this with the mothers day or it may be taken the wrong way - leave it a few days , but you really should sit down and have a clear conversation about shared responsibility now you are parents.

Think about what you feel you need and then discuss in a calm manner with him to agree how he can help. It may seem obvious to you, but assumptions can cause a lot of problems.

Try to be reasonable e.g if he loves F1 then it's fine if he has this time to himself, but you also need equivalent free time,and support if your child or yourself are ill

Parenthood is one of the hardest things in life, and you need to work as a team.

My dh did nothing for my first Mother’s Day and I was soo upset, I’d already made sure I celebrated his first Father’s Day, albeit not much but I was barely home from hospital and not doing very well. He wasn’t the best partner with the baby either so I really expected some appreciation after carrying us as a family for some time. He was very defensive and a jerk about forgetting it, I told him very very clearly how I felt. He didn’t forget his mum. I didn’t tell him we wouldn’t be continuing with our plans for a second if he didn’t make an effort on my second Mother’s Day, I was going to take myself away the following weekend instead for a few days, he’d just have to work out how to juggle his work day around childcare and I’d do some thinking about a trial separation instead of ttc dc2. Luckily he did make an effort with gift and plans and he’s celebrated Mother’s Day ever since.

I was given a card and flowers and we’re going out for lunch but I’ve still done all the baby care, the bottles, fed baby and pets and am about to walk the dog. So the day is the same as any other except with flowers :-)
OP acknowledging the day is the bare minimum - you deserve better

Today is the day to remind him that it will be his job to teach the baby how to treat Mum on MD, Birthdays and Christmas for the next few years.

Yes, because as the previous poster says, becoming a mother doesn't mean "buying into a fatuous one day a year commercialised celebration of motherhood."

Did he do anything for his mum? And did he when he was growing up?

Honestly, I have a lovely, generous, supportive husband and family, we celebrate holidays with joy and cheer, but I couldn't give the smallest eff about Mother's Day. It's really kind of a silly made up day, seemingly designed to make women feel their families aren't performing up to standard. Maybe it was never a thing in his house growing up, so if it matters to you, you need to let him know? Although the AI card thing does sound lame. Does he generally quit things easily?

Enjoy your gorgeous baby which is the real gift!

Does he have a Mother OP? Has he made an effort for her?

It’s hardly likely he didn’t know, it’s been all
over the shops for weeks. YANBU for being disappointed, a small bunch of flowers isn’t difficult. What you accept this year will set the precedent moving forward, so i’d tell him straight, you’ve just birthed his baby for goodness sake!

Happy Mother’s Day to you 💐

I think it’s very thoughtless tbh. He should have marked the occasion with a card at the very least!

Did he get his own Mum anything?

I think his behaviour is really unpleasant. Does he not appreciate the wonderful mother his child has? You need to make it very plan to him how hurt this has made you. He can do much to make the day nice still, I hope he does.
Lacklustre at life is very unattractive. Maybe warn him of that too.

Happy Mother's Day.

Maybe he's deliberately being low key as he's planning a big surprise...?

Make sure to ignore fathers day. And don't cave and get him a card!

He'll either not care at all OR he'll be offended. At which point, you can point out you thought it wasn't necessary to celebrate since he missed mothers day.

I see a lot of posts on here where a wife’s perfectly normal expectations have been ignored by her husband and people come on to ask if she’d explained those expectations to him. In very unusual situations that might be necessary but the rest of time why doesn’t he know her well enough to be aware of how she feels about those things.

FFS do women really have to say “remember we have a baby, right? Oh good. Well as you know we have a baby, do you realise that makes me a mother? Ok, so you get it that celebrating Mother’s Day is something we do now? There will be Father’s Day coming soon too. We will buy each other something to mark the day. You can buy something in a shop. A shop is a….”

I disagree.

Not everyone sees cards as at all important. I would say that includes many men.

To me, Mother's Day is for children to show they appreciate their mum. Newborns can't do that.

Your assumptions about what Mother's Day is aren't the only correct ones.

I never expected a Mother’s Day card until my daughter was old enough to understand and make one herself. I would have thought it was very weird if my husband had given me a card.

Thoughtless generally so no surprise.

Unfortunately when you settle fof men like this, life tends to be one disappointment after another.

Happy Mother's day to you.
Well done for getting this far.
Enjoy your baby and mind yourself.
Think long and hard about having more if he doesn't share the load properly.
As time goes on, lazy thoughtless men become seriously unattractive.

@Armandi110 it's half ten in the morning.
There's plenty of the day left.
March over to the TV, switch it off and say "husband.... it's Mother's Day. I am a mother and I want to celebrate. I would like to (whatever you like doing) for the rest of the day".