Should I accept proposal if I've never met his daughters?

Even more especially when OP has her own home, a business, and welcoming family and friends!

That doesn't make him a brilliant dad. He just turns up and hands over guilt money. Of course they're angry - no doubt they hate you and him, but especially you, because they probably think it's all your fault.

What if they never want to speak to you? How will you feel if they get married and their father is invited but you aren't? I don't think there's much chance of this resolving in your favour tbh.

I think yes you can marry him. You can’t make people want to be involved with your life though. Affairs hurt people and it may be his daughter’s choice. They are adults in time they may think differently. Only he can talk to them and try and make it better. He also needs to tell them if he intends to marry you.

😂😂

@ZanySheep youve misunderstood what was said. No one is saying you're a gold digger, but you need to consider that if you marry your OH, then your assets could be at risk in terms of your DC receiving whatever you want them to inherit, unless you make provision for them. This is in the case of you predeceasing your OH/DH.

Take it step by step. OHs divorce has to be finalised, nothing can move forward for you until that happens.

once the divorce is finalised, you need an honest conversation about wills, ensuring that even if you get married you both agree that your respective wills need to reflect your individual wishes for the assets you're both bringing into your marriage to go to your respective DC in the way you each choose. If you fail to address that, you're both setting yourselves up for a world of heartache later on. So many people fail to address this properly, they don't think about the implications for their children. You have the opportunity to do this at the right time, before you get married, so it's clear and agreed.

whether or not you have or have not met your OHs offspring is out of your hands. You have no control over the circumstances, nor what your OHs ex wife has discussed with them.

The fact you have never met them speaks to a very fractious and negative situation surrounding the break up of their parents marriage, you may or may not enjoy a warm, friendly relationship with them if their mother has influenced their perception so significantly (parental alienation could be at play). Is that something that will eat away at you and taint your relationship with your OH/DH or can you make peace with that situation? will it make future family gatherings impossible or unbearable and uncomfortable for you and your children? Only you can decide that.

And especially so when his back is killing him
after a year sleeping on the floor

OP how soon after you started the affair did he meet your kids?

And how soon after first meeting them did he move into your home?

Marriage once you already have kids needs extra thought about inheritance, etc, it's not just about you.

About his daughters, well, it sounds like they may never want to meet you if you are the other woman, so that divide may well always exist. You need to picture a future where you aren't invited to their weddings, aren't allowed to meet the grandchildren, etc. This may make life difficult as the years go on.

But you two seem blinkered - it was seriously poor boundaries to have moved someone else's husbands in with your kids.

Absolutely this!!

How can he be an amazing dad when he doesn’t even have a home that they can stay in?

I physically do more/as much for my nieces and nephews than he does for his kids.

Part of being a parent is having a home that your children can come to and call their second home.

It honestly sounds as though he was unhappy in his marriage and instead of separating and creating a home for him and his children, he found another naive woman to move in with and not have to worry about being single, being independent or being an equal parent.

Of course he can’t wait to marry you because he is someone that can’t be single.
In a few years time, he’ll be doing the exact same thing again.

Oh @ZanySheep you sound kind of desperate in a way and it's really sad to read. You don't actually believe the very obvious lies deep down which is why you are questioning the situation. You don't sound like someone happy and in love. You sound like someone walking on tightrope not wanting to look down for fear of falling.

You know he has lied to them and deep down you know he has probably lied to you too but admitting that would undermine your view of him and the emotional investment you've made so that's too scary to think about.

It is completely irrelevant what regard your friends hold him in. They have no skin in the game and he's probably very good a putting on a front.

You know he didn't sleep on the floor for a year. Deep down you know that makes no sense at all. The question really is, how would you feel if you knew they were still sleeping together whilst your affair was going on? This is probably what his daughters would confirm and is possibly a reason as to why he's not keen to introduce you either.

This is not going to end well and certainly not in the way you think. If his daughters don't want to know you then that isn't going to get better over time. You will always be excluded from their family and that's going to increase your hurt over time, especially if they have weddings and children and he wants to spend time with his grandchildren. Him and his ex will be together for a lot of these events and you'll be on the outside looking in. Not a very nice place to be and certainly not the bedrock of a happy healthy relationship.

I would not tell you what to do but the best thing you can do is to stop lying to yourself. Your subconscious is screaming at you that this isn't good and you really need to listen and not put your head in the sand.

Better than Eastenders some might say 😂

I wonder if his accountant even knows about this 'joint account'?
Have you ever considered he might be hiding assets OP?

https://lowrylegal.co.uk/articles/divorce-separation/hiding-assets-during-divorce-in-the-uk/

While I heartily agree with that maxim in general, I'm not sure it applies here. The OP's partner only needed somewhere else to live because he was in love with her.

This thread is so entertaining, isn't it? 😁

No-one falls in love as quickly as a man who needs somewhere to live. Even more so if it comes with a housekeeper and sex on tap.

His daughters don’t want to meet you. You split up their family.

he did move into his parents for a while not just straight in with me

As you have kids too I would assume he was living with his parents for at least a year before he moved in with you - so what was the reason you didn’t meet his kids then?

I can’t imagine moving in with a man before my kids had ever met him, knowing that it was going to become their second home.

Surely when you both decided to move in together you had the discussion about his kids - I’m wondering why he chose to move in with you even though he knew he kids were so uncomfortable with it - this does not sound like a good dad at all.

@Simonjt "At what stage of the affair didn’t he introduce the crazy and controlling wife narrative?"

😆😆

Or the old chestnut, 'my wife doesn't understand me'.... 😀😀

You should look into protecting you and your kids financially. Having a joint bank account with a married man is not a prudent financial move. Depending on your laws, that could be considered one of his marital assets.

Amazing dads do not cause their kids trauma because they put a new woman ahead of their kids. He may feel guilty, but his affair with you hurt them and upended their lives and he has to carry that weight of his choices.

These young ladies aren't children and are loyal to their mum. Whatever way you look at it their father left their mum for you and regardless of however the mum feels now (you say she is bitter, maybe she just doesn't like you which she's entitled to feel),they will likely never welcome you with open arms. You will be lucky if they are polite at events where you can't avoid each other one day

If you want to marry this guy one day, you can't have everything let him have a relationship with his daughters separately to you if that's what they wish. In time they may appreciate you didn't destroy that

He won’t “automatically” get her estate. Presumably she’ll will it to whoever she wants to get it!

My child died.

I see life differently too. I also think you should treat every moment like it could be your last. Not worry about small things. Appreciate the good you have.

That doesn't however mean I get to do harm to others because every day could be your last and its a pass for it.

But grief can do funny things to people and everyone has their own set of morals they can live with.