Should I accept proposal if I've never met his daughters?

His children are adults. If they wanted to meet you they would.

I suspect he is putting the blame on his ex to avoid telling you his children hate you and will never want anything to do with you.

If you marry him, what do you think will happen?

I would insist he talks to his kids about their feelings and is honest with you about their response.

If he does propose, dont think that being married to him will change anything.

Don't start expecting his kids to get over it or like you.

Don't start demanding things change now you're married, eg his daughters accept you

If you marry him, do it expecting nothing more than you already have.

Anything more will be a bonus

I don't think his daughters would think 'my father wants to sign a legal document with his current lover, to get half her assets 😍 now I can't wait to meet her!'
More like 'nah, I'm good thanks'.

Agree. One thing MN has shown me is no matter how much of a lying cheating POS scumbag cocklodger a man is, there’s always a woman willing to put a roof over his head no matter the disruption to her kids lives

If he proposes and you want to marry him then do it!

The daughters will be more likely to want to meet you when they see how serious he must be about you to want to make you his next wife.

However be aware that leopards very rarely change all their spots. If another woman takes your man there is no better revenge than letting her keep him.

Omg 😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 😂

This^

19 and 21 is still young and all this started 3.5 years ago, they were children then? And sleeping on the bedroom floor was he? Personally, I’d take that with a pinch of salt but even if it’s true.…why didn’t he just respectfully end the relationship rather than falling into someone else’s vagina? And your utter dismal of “he may have told them a few lies back then” shows a breathtaking lack of emotional intelligence.

As an aside, just why do so many women with their own homes, and often young children, take in all these waif and stray men who are in need of somewhere to live.

There are any number of threads about partners not pulling their weight or being mean with money when having the luxury of a ready-made roof over their head. They seem more like lodgers who are taking advantage than partners.

Nothing wrong with moving on after divorce and looking for romance or love but try and find a guy with a bit of substance, at least one who has his own gaff!

Yep. My dad dragged my sister and I into his drama - as teens - when he decided to leave my mum for a 22 year old. We are utterly scarred from the burden he dumped on us and his psycho attempts to keep us on side.

Very disingenuous to say you were the other woman for a few weeks.

My dad could have written the script youve been fed about sleeping on the floor, growing apart etc. He and his second wife blew up our family and my mother's mental health, leaving her emotionally and financially fucked for life.

This happens and people heal but don't be baffled that his daughters want nothing to do with you. I promise you this is their choice as much as if not more than their mum's influence.

My sister and I were mid/late teens when my dad started his affair and it was so destructive.

An amazing dad who let his teenage daughter make up his bed for him during his marriage breakdown. And told his affair partner about that. And she didn’t find it a huge turn off. Christ.

Lol! He’s not a player?! Men can be players at any age. My brother (55) has just left his long term partner for a 37 year old- the idiot!

Wow you need to let this all settle down!
Their divorce, splitting of assets and generally tiding loose ends with his ex before moving forward.
Secure your assets for the benefit of yourself and children in the meantime. Clarity from the outset is key.

I heard of some on the Jeremy Kyle show once😃

so many layers to this
Firstly you’d be mad to marry him and risk your own kids getting cut out of inheritance. So whatever you do make sure you take legal advice on that

Secondly I get your ‘only one life’ but then so do his ex wife and DDs and their boundary is not having anything to do with the woman who they see as destroying their family. Obviously he has responsibilities there, if not more than you, but it’s sometimes easier to hate a stranger than your parent.

So if you marry and never meet or speak to the daughters what happens with grandchildren, major birthday, if he gets seriously ill, if they get seriously ill, when he dies. Honestly until you have worked through what relationship you could have with them even if it’s just very basic civility or acknowledging that even in all those situations you’ll have nothing to do with each other (which btw can be an option but at least go in to that with a clear discussion) then you’d be insane to marry him. And remember what ever happens when your kids as teenagers or young adults you’ll need to explain to them that their step dads family don’t speak to him, and they may not buy the “it was only a short affair/for our happiness “ argument either.

True.

And they always turn out to be compete shits.

You've completely missed the point there.

And the bar for amazing dads is so low it’s subterranean.
On MN it seems to mean ‘serial shagger who is cocklodging with his latest new cozy family and does the bare minimum as a parent other than throw a few quid every now and again’

I can’t get over that he didn’t even always make his own floor bed….his daughter did it for him. What a pathetic man. How are there women willing to shag these complete losers?

If you've been 'together' for 3.5 years and the oldest DD is 21 and dropped out of Uni that might just have had something to do with their father doing a runner.

Will you protect those assets?

Presumably you own your home, will this be protected for your DC or is everything rosey that your new DH would inherit should something happen to you?

You already have a joint account which seems really soon considering he's still married. Could she have a claim on any money in that joint account?

You say there is no drama but I sincerely hope you have taken steps to protect you and your children as you have worked so hard for it all.

Amazing dads only exist in Mumsnetsphere. I've never heard the phrase said in real life.

If you have a joint account then legally his wife is owed half of whatever is in that account. You sound incredibly naive.

OP have you considered that if at some point down the line some big upheaval happens in his family, you could find yourself sharing a house with his dd(s) who (presumably) hate you and your kids?

So obviously he's the one feeding this line to you! As if he slept on the floor for a year - I'd love the wife and daughters take on this one!