AIBU for blocking two mum friends without warning or explanation?

Your choice to block had increased thr conflict, as you still need to see these people at school.
A slow fade would have been better.
I suggest a carefully worded message and then no further messages.
But the wording needs to be short, not over explaining. Wishes thrm well, and doesn't name call or put fuel on the fire.

Something like
Morning, I've been finding the dynamics tricky lately and needed to take a step back for my own benefit. Will always wish you well, but just need to focus on myself and the kids at the moment.

No further engagement.

Then you need to take a look at how your friendships benefit both parties, start saying no, and consider that trying not to have conflict can sometimes escalate it further. I've had to do all this following the way I've managed things. And how my adhd plays a part.

I know it sounds quite childish but I felt hurt considering I had opened up about my marital issues, allowed my child a sleepover at her house (I’m not usually one for sleepovers).

It sounds like you think you were doing Jane a favour by these two things, but the reality is of course the other way round.

I don't agree that blocking someone is childish. Sometimes it can feel like it protects your peace. People can't send you confrontational messages or give you a piece of their mind. I'm usually very anti-ghosting but sometimes it's too much to have to explain your position, to get in to a tit for tat etc.

It all sounds a bit teenage mean girls to be honest. Blocking them is just feeding in to the drama as well. It's possible to take a step back from friendships quietly but that's not the path you've chosen.

Friendships that start off fast and intense often end the same way because a foundation wasn't really established.

Blocking is just childish.

i agree that you all sound very judgemental and also way too focussed on SEND / mental health, those don’t have to mean you can’t have decent respectful friendships. Neither are these issues an excuse for unkind or disrespectful behaviour.

friends should enhance each others lives not be a negative energy. And it’s fine to just nurture a very small number of friendships or none at all if you feel you don’t want or need it at this phase of life. You mention you don’t want things to be awkward at school, so I assume you’re talking pre school or primary at the school gates. You don’t have to be friends with school mums if there’s nothing you have in common other than kids of a similar age. Personally when my kids were that age I just maintained a small number of friends and rarely did school pick ups anyway as I worked. Maybe if you want more friends, try to find them through a shared interest rather than school, kids or all having SEND/ mental health issues as this all sounds very intense and not how a friendship should be at all.

My sister in law blocked me over some minor thing that she took offence to. Regretted it after but honestly I’ve never got over it. It seemed so childish to do something like that instead of talking to me. Our relationship has never recovered.

You can be friends with whoever you like OP. However, I think it's a bit silly to say "you don't want the drama" when clearly blocking them was always going to lead to more drama than the slow fade approach.

Blocking people that you will see at the school gate, whose kids are friends with your kids (or may become friends in future) is a really dramatic way to go about things and likely to lead to more drama in future.

So I would definitely reflect on that for the future, but in relation to these friendships it’s already done.

At this point - send a message to each of them saying you think that the friendship has become “more intense than I can handle right now” and that you wish them well but do not want to be in contact at the moment and will reach out if that ever changes.

It does all sound like such a lot of drama from people who are supposed to add to each other lives. I think blocking is very childish, if you no longer wish to see them then do the grown up thing and let them know.

You all sound as bad as each other.

I cross posted, my DD (41) gets into intense friendships, then burns out. She has ADHD. I'd say all of your each ND has played a part.

It doesn’t sound like you really like them very much anyway. You all sound like you judge each other’s parenting styles. It’s quite dramatic to block them when you’re likely to see them at school etc and may need to communicate as the kids get older if they choose to be friends independently of the adults.

Blocking anyone who isn’t harassing you is childish so yes. YABU.

If you are going to block someone, at least own it and let them know why first.

I agree. All you had to do was be busy, stop accepting lifts and come up with the odd excuse, problem solved. You've gone for maximum drama. You should have addressed the comments about your life, at the time. People can only treat you how you let them. With other SEN parents you've got to expect some neurodiversity in the parents, which would explain some of the bluntness etc.

School mum friendships can be very intense. My daughters are older now but reading your post reminds me of two friendships I cut off when they were younger. Two different friendships that were quite full on. I think the danger of being so full on is it's easy to get over familiar and over step the line. Both my friendships ended abruptly and I cut them off without explanation. With hindsight I felt that I was quite immature not to give them an explanation. I went to friendship to small incidents happening and me blanking them. Quite confusing for them I imagine. At the time I felt it was the final straw and I was done. I don't think that was a wrong decision but an explanation would of been more mature. Although how you do that without it turning into a tit for tat and them getting defensive I don't know. Ultimately though if you've had enough and it's not adding positivity to your life then walk away.

I block anyone that brings bad vibes or negativity to my door, whether that be friends, or strangers. Those people aren't your friends, you did the right thing. Block everywhere including blocking phone numbers

Some people are bad drivers, it’s not really about respect. Just don’t get in the car with her again. She probably thought you were disrespectful giving your child crisps in the car, that would really annoy me.

You just don’t sound like a good mix. You’ve all been judging and slagging each other off at some point. It’s just not meant to be.

No need for all this blocking drama, it’s so bizarre. It brings such drama. Short closed replies and let the friendship fizzle out.

Really don’t understand this current fashion for blocking. Just gently keep your distance. No need for drama. Though tbh the whole friendship triangle sounds dramatic and petty.

Yep. Ridiculous behaviour.

'Personal dysfunction' sounds about right. Are you also ND OP?

You all sound very judgemental of each other , and it all sounds intense, these sound like unhealthy insecure friendships. Friends accept and embrace each other as they are, right thing to let these friendships go albeit in a rather dramatic way find people who you can accept without judgement and who do that for you too.