Mother’s Day - AIBU to say ‘let’s keep it in perspective’ on Mumsnet

I really hate judgy posts like this. My children are my world, and I'm so grateful and blessed to have them every single day of my life.

To want to be celebrated and appreciated for all I do for them, and our family, isn't too much to ask. A little bitter this year, as my marriage is in crisis and I clearly asked for reassurance and appreciation and an actual lie-in - instead I got half baked pastries at 06:30 am, a hand cream with the sticker on wrapped in a piece of actual paper sans tape, and a card with the phrase for mother on it I vocally hate being called - which happens to be what he calls his own DM. I was told we were on a budget and he couldn't do more - after he had an expensive piece of hobby equipment delivered. So yes, some of us are bitter and venting over Mother's Day. We wish we weren't too.

Absolutely bonkers that post. It’s ridiculous and commercialised.

Mothers Day has been sadly ruined by my own mothers narcissistic demands. Has always valued lots of presents and an expensive lunch, even in times where I was a student and had little spare money. We no longer have a relationship, and the biggest present today is not having to deal with that. Awful hey!

I feel like I’ve rebelled and expect very little…a card and spring flowers are enough. I agree with pp saying it is a Hallmark holiday and one that can drive crazy expectations in some.

I’m off to church this morning for the original meaning of Mothering Sunday. It was your call to return home to your mother church. I’ll get an hours peace and reflection too! 😂

so how does telling women to

• stop moaning
• that the appreciation may not come until a vague ‘later’
• and that they are lucky to be a mother anyway

…make that situation any more likely?

it anything, it encourages settling.

honestly, people blathering on about late stage capitalism or instagram must have the emotional intelligence of slugs. Glad I don’t know anyone like this in real life.

it’s really not hard to imagine that a day like this has the potential to bring up feelings of dissatisfaction and upset to many households.

I feel the same my dd mental health is so bad also Audhd with an eating disorder,though she did say Happy Mother's day. I am feeling grateful for that.

I agree op that it has become too consumerist and performative.

I agree with you. So what if it's actually a "relationship problem" as someone helpfully said. These can be the days where it hits home to some mums that something needs to change and they come here for a bit of support. Belittling their feelings/banging on about capitalism is harsh.

I think context matters here and the posters that say people getting upset is down to bigger issues of feeling under appreciated are dead right.

I had a "big birthday" this year and my lovely husband was absolutely useless, I did everything. And in the context of us both working full time but given the nature of his job, I do the majority of the childcare was incredibly hurt at the lack of thought and effort into my birthday.

So I am very touched him and the kids made such an effort this morning, breakfast in bed, handmade presents and all plans for the day made. To me, it isn't a capitalist day at all, I just feel loved and appreciated

I wonder how my MIL feels today. My DH forgot to arrange something despite me reminding him 5 times...

You are not wrong!!

@Tubs22 did your DH let her pick them?

I presumed the Op was convincing herself that effort doesn't matter because she knows there won't be any effort from her children.

The mother in "Mothering Sunday" is the Church..it has become commercialised. A simple bunch of flowers which would normally be £5, will be £15 now. The usual Sunday lunch in a pub restaurant will have doubled in price, same as it does around Valentine's Day. My lovely DM died nearly 40 years ago, because of her GP. We took my mil to an expensive hotel restaurant near where we lived, she complained. We took her for lunch on a Steam Train,mother's day lunch. Ploughman's, I don't eat meat, I had the cheese, she always said she was vegetarian,so we ordered cheese for her. DH had ham..it was very expensive as well you can imagine. She said she would have preferred ham! I said you told me you were vegetarian, she said "yes, but I eat ham". We had the lunch, she said "is there any pudding?". That became the catchphrase,that's how we referred to her from then on.. she didn't actually bring my DH up, she walked out on 3 small kids,, went off with another man. She wasn't cuddly or loving, buying a card was a nightmare.

.

I agree. The OP comes across as patronising and it really irritated me - and I’m having a VERY low key Mother’s Day as DH is working away so I’m up driving DS to his football matches which I don’t even do on a normal Sunday!!!

I’m meeting up with friends later so I’ve decided I’ll be making a fuss of us all in the name of Mother’s Day!

My “Mother’s Day” was last night. Teenage kids, everyone’s busy today so we went out yesterday evening, had a nice stroll and some nice food. Not sure if I’ve got anything from them or not but I genuinely don’t mind. Spending time together going out is what I really appreciate, and it doesn't have to be on the day either.

My two are out! Young adults thriving in their lives, and that to me is enough. They’ve both text and we’ll enjoy a take away together later and they’ve likely bought me a gift.
i bought my mum flowers and chocolates, all appreciated. It has become too much and your right in that people don’t need to go over board as someone is always let down

We dont, and have never made a big deal about Mothers day, I'd expect nothing more than an acknowledgement and card(bought or homemade)

We acknowledge the day and go and do something as a family, same as Father's day. We ALL have a lovely day.

Now , as foster carers, we understand how triggering these days can be for our children and their parents.

I do think the posts on social media etc of look how wonderful my MDay has been , with overly the top celebrations, gifts etc makes others think theirs is lacking. Its in the same ball park of how many gifts under the tree, how much an engagement ring should cost (what does the bloke get?)

You speak as if all mothers are treated with respect, kindness, and gratitude.
Let’s not forget many, many mothers live with vile men who’s attitude rubs off on their children.
These men treat their partners and wives like unpaid servants. They are there to provide free sex, childcare and domestic servitude.
It’s hardly surprising that the women get annoyed when thru don’t even get appreciated on one day a year is it.
I’m taking my mum out for the day to a place if her choosing. I’ve bought her a card and flowers as I know she appreciates it. I’ve also been grateful that my adult dcs have bought me flowers/plants which I can plant out in my garden plus chocolates and a card.

My adult child who lives nearby is also coming with us today.
I’ll be buying my mum coffee/lunch as I’m grateful that I have a mother.

To a degree I agree with you, in that some of the complaints on here are bonkers. I've voted YABU though, because your OP reads as if we should all put up and shut up, and be grateful for any scraps of appreciation we are thrown. I think often the complaints on these days are part of a wider relationship issue and people should be able to expect better.

Or you could let women feel how they want to on Mother’s Day? Some families go all out, some won’t even celebrate it. Ours is low key, but I absolutely hate to be told to ‘calm down’!!! I might go out and buy everyone lots of treats in spite!!

I hate mothers day for myself. Have one DS who is 18 with autism and I am quite certain he will have got me a card and maybe something (I don't expect it at all) he has no idea how to cope with it (and that's fine) but his Dad was useless and never taught him anything and despite my best efforts he still struggles. I've just seen him after I got up to sort our elderly cat out and made myself a cup of tea while my DS stood next to me talking to the cat 😂 doesn't even mention anything. But actually you are right OP....he tells me often he appreciates what I do for him, he says thank you for tea every single night without fail and so on. And actually he's good as gold, causes me no grief and very polite, so I'll take that 😁. Dealing with anything emotional, mothers day, birthdays are not his forte but I will be having words as he gets older, if he has a partner and children one day and the treatment and how to see the bigger picture.

I haven't got a single gift today, and I couldn't be happier.

My kids all got together and have written me lovely letters about how great I am as a Mum. That means more than a thousand presents.

Then they need to stop accepting that every day of the week, don't they? What good would some great big show do for one day of the year? It would just be hollow.

The same can be said for Christmas.

Very low expectations here - in fact each year it is an experiment to see how long it takes them to remember. (Single parent 14 & 11 yos) It was after lunch last year.
Dd2 has def got something coz i gave her money for school to get something from PTA, dd1 was in town with her friend and bought something in card factory so 50/50 whether it was for me or a schoolfriend birthday

They are mostly fab kids doing well at school, hobbies, nice people bit messy but very loving everyday - so whilst it would be nice i have to be chilled about it.

I hope he stopped her.