Mother’s Day - AIBU to say ‘let’s keep it in perspective’ on Mumsnet

I think the problems started when mothers day became something men were supposed to facilitate for their children's mother. When it was strictly child to mother, you were happy with the card they made at nursery or the daffs from church, with the offering getting more sophisticated as they got older. Now men are expected to orchestrate the day on their children's behalf, this is done to varying degrees of thoughtfulness and extravagance, seen as reflective of how much HE appreciates her. Much of the angst arises from women's disappointment their partners have done a rubbish job.

I suspect that many of the husbands and kids who don’t bother with Mother’s Day are also pretty unappreciative the rest of the time, and when they ignore Mother’s Day, it’s the last straw for the mums, @Cyclistontheroad.

If your family is appreciative and thoughtful the rest of the year, then them missing Mother’s Day wouldn't be as hurtful.

Exactly this, I don’t think we should be encouraging women to feel smaller than they already do. Make yourself just a little bit smaller, don’t be a bother to anyone. How many women put their families needs before themselves regularly?

I’m not sure this attitude of “suck it up stop being difficult” has ever worked well for women at any point in time. Consistently telling women to settle for less is never good for women but it’s bloody convenient for the people who benefit from their labour.

Even if it’s a card, breakfast sorted, everything cleaned up and tidied, plans to do something and then told to go have a glass of wine while bath and bedtime is sorted. It’s not about money, it’s about acknowledgment. Love and appreciation is not demonstrated with zero effort. When women show love and appreciation it’s clear what they are doing it. Why do women have to scry for the “love and appreciation”.

Absolutely

What if every kid went to the park and picked daffodils? Quite shocked by that actually- which adult allowed her to do that?

I also thought it's not really fair on other park users. The flowers there are for everybody to enjoy and while it's a lovely idea to pick flowers for your DM, I wouldn't have let my child take them from a park.

As long as you only use it once a year, thats fine 😁
Enjoy your day

Totally agree. You can explain to a 7 year old the rules and why it is important to preserve wildlife for all to enjoy. Imagine a parent encouraging this…. And the lesson this teaches. I would feel sick to the stomach if my partner had done this.
i am assuming this means he is happy for people to come and take flowers from his garden.

Ha ha… maybe the parent would be held responsible. So daddio

It’s still illegal. Being under the age of criminal responsibility isn’t a free pass to do what they like. Under 10s can’t be charged but there are other actions that can be taken or the parents might be accountable.

The thing is, many of the women who don’t get anything on Mother’s Day also don’t have any appreciation the whole year round. They’re entitled to feel a bit sensitive on that day.
Disclaimer, I am one of the lucky ones that gets appreciated all year and on Mother’s Day.

Oh, that’s OK then. Crack on.

7 is under the age of criminal responsibility

Except picking flowers in the park is illegal…

I think it's understandable to feel upset if you've had no effort made for you, no cards or small gifts. As let's be honest, mum's tend to take on most of the buftrn then it dad's, its not unreasonable to be made a fuss of for one day.

What gets me is the amount of drama and politics people make of it. About who buys the cards, the horror of grandmother's being bought cards and the sheer outrage some posters have that their husband wants to see his own mother for a few hours on mother's day. I really don't think it's worth half the stress people give themselves about it.

Let's keep it in perspective, yes.

Which could be that, given the vast amount most mothers do, the toll it takes on our bodies and health, the stress and the worry, the endless life admin that so often ends up being the mother's responsibility, and all the other things...

It shouldn't be hard for a husband to organise the kids to do (with his help if needed) whatever their mum might like, whether that's a lovely lunch out and a gift, or just a nice cup of tea and a handmade card in bed.

Why should women be told if we don't have our expectations in the literal gutter, we're being ungrateful and greedy? Why can't we appreciate every day as a mum, and value the love throughout the year and want a fuss made over us on one bloody day?

My 10 year old and 4 year old brought me a cup of tea in bed and a slice of toast for breakfast and I felt that was lovely enough. They made me a card (DH offered to buy but they wanted to make one) and I couldn’t care less it didn’t cost any money, I loved every second ! 🩷

You sound nice

Aren't you a delight

Yes thats what I said… reading comprehension

Some of the mothers’ day complaints on here do make me think of a colleague some years ago, both of whose adult dcs were spectacularly useless.

She didn’t even get a card from either of them, but even worse was the fact that they both said they’d sent one, but ‘…it must have got lost in the post.’

Useless (workshy among other things) and liars on top.

I feel terribly sad today and want to be away from the children. They are 14, 13, 10 and 8 and I think are old enough to either put some thought in or pretend to have been thoughtful. My oldest asked what my favourite chocolate is yesterday and I told him. They gave me somewhat rushed homemade cards this morning. I feel upset with my husband for not nudging them. I couldn't help but start crying as i always make sure the children have little gifts for my husband on father's Day. I was away for work last year on MD so we didn't celebrate it last year. They rushed out to the corner shop this morning and bought some little bits but that's not the point really.
I spend enormous amounts of energy being thoughtful every day on so many levels as I know many other parents do and I only want a little bit of thought in return. I feel really weepy and just don't want to be around them all feeling bad. I just want the day to be over.

I got what I always want for Mother's Day - a card and a bunch of daffodils. There's something lovely about daffs on Mother's Day.

I agree, although my standards are on the floor!

I have a 6 year old and this morning (unprompted) he said he loved me and happy mother's day. My eldest is with his dad and text me at 8am saying how much he loved and appreciated me. To be honest, that's all I need. My children are the best, most loving boys.

On the other hand, my partner had a lie in until 11am, hasn't mentioned mother's day or asked my 6 year old if he had wished me happy mother's day. My son made a card in school, although it is at home and my partner didn't think to bring it (we are visiting his dad). Partner made me quickly choose some £5 gift yesterday but hasn't yet thought to give it to our child to give it to me.

I'm just glad I have lovely children because my partner is a waste of space. However I appreciate it's a partner issue and not a Mothers day one.

100% OP!