Mother’s Day - AIBU to say ‘let’s keep it in perspective’ on Mumsnet

You sound highly strung and are taking things personally which were never targeted at you.

The reason I challenged your posts was because you were telling people that it was nonsense, guff and bizarre. This is the first time you've said this is how you feel rather than telling other women that their views are nonsense etc.

You are absolutely entitled to not want to engage in occasions such as Mother's Day - there were years when I couldn't engage with it at all due to losing my mum in very traumatic circumstances. But I didn't try to make others feel bad for wanting a little bit of a fuss.
That's how your posts came across.

I'm biting in my replies because you're constantly challenging the mere fact that I disagree. It's cult-like. "Why is it nonsense", "Well it's unkind" -I've explained why it's nonsense to me. Repeatedly.

You don't like my reasons - fine, stop asking. And if someone finds it unkind - deal with it, other people don't live to serve you.

And anybody who hinges all their value and recognition on one single day has bigger problems than Mothers Day.

Odd take. Nobody is saying this.

Or to say that women who expect fanfare and parades for a simple choice they made, are baffling.

A card and a small gift is hardly expecting a fanfare and parade. You're being very extreme.
You've made it clear you want zero fuss or attention but there is no need to put others down for feeling differently to you.

Yes, and there's now a massive industry that caters to people who enjoy it, so they're not a minority here.

Look at all the people on this forum, moaning that Mothers Day didn't meet their expectations. It shouldn't be taboo for a person to say that this is contrived crap - and yet it is. Or to say that women who expect fanfare and parades for a simple choice they made, are baffling. Nobody needs a "special day" to do those things. And anybody who hinges all their value and recognition on one single day has bigger problems than Mothers Day.

It’s been quite tame on here for Mother’s Day tantrums this year

All the things listed, purveyors of plastic tat, continue to exist and grow because people support them! Were the seller to be left with a huge pile of orange plastic rubbish at the start of November they may think twice about stocking it next Halloween. I saw New Years Eve boxes last year, another made up excuse to get money out of the gullible fools.

My lovely mum died 25 years ago. I don’t feel envious of others on Mothers Day who are with their mums because it’s not my mum. I have two adult sons who are the loveliest chaps. Kind, funny, hardworking. They’re good all year round and that’s what’s important to me xx

In your opinion. Others feel differently.

Why is showing appreciation to someone you love or teaching your child to show appreciation to their parents ‘performative guff’. It’s just being nice and teaching your children to be nice.

Nobody is forcing you to do it but there’s no need to be so judgemental to those who think and behave differently to you.

It's celebrating people for being parents. It's nonsense to me, as much as Valentine's Day is and any other similar cultural tradition. Red Hair Day or Singles Day or whatever arbitrary stuff society has chosen to monetize. And yes, it's absolutely bizarre to expect men to go and buy presents and celebrate on behalf of a child who likely doesn't even understand Mothers Day. It's back-slapping, performative guff.

That reminds me of the Royale family classic sketch.

She's a vegetarian nanna. Can't she have wafer thin ham lol.

But it is a joy for lots of people so not 'nonsense' or 'bizarre'. And if someone close to you finds it joyful then its quite unkind to dismiss it as nonsense.

I wouldn't encourage her to steal flowers from the local park. Maybe suggest she takes them from your garden instead if hand picking them is going to be more "meaningful".

I often feel stressed about Christmas for the same reasons, yes. And the expectations and expense there are even more magnified. I try to manage it by saving towards it monthly.

Do you apply the same approach to christmas? No-ones allowed to have fun

For people who have a lot of resources, I imagine every festival and event is joyful. My point is about how much needless pressure it creates for the rest.

Its joy for many

Because for some people it's not joy, it's social pressure and it creates expectations, often expense, and stress. And once you have started it, it's hard to walk back from.

Some of those posts are just bait for all the posters who love being competitive about how little they care about Mother’s Day and how appreciative they are just to have kids in the first place and how spoiled and unrealistic everyone else is.

The main thing that bugs me about MN around Mother’s Day is the tedious comments explaining the origin of “Mothering Sunday” as if anyone cares/ isn’t already aware of this and phrases like “Hallmark holiday”, consumerism, commercialism blah blah etc.
If you’ve read one of these kind of comments, you’ve read them all and yet people just keep on posting the same drivel as if it’s completely original, fascinating new insight.

I’d guess they get no help/ they aren’t thought of all year except this and birthday and they just built it up into something where they’d get a break. I was working for it so it wasn’t a big deal to me but I’d get if you were off, exhausted and hoping for something lovely to happen then the only way to go would be downhill!!

I'm of the opinion that you can't have too much joy in your life. If Mother's Day and Father's Day provides an additional reason to do something nice for someone you love then why is that nonsense?

Are you kidding?

I don't understand Mother's Day or Father's Day at all - it's twee, gimmicky nonsense. I can see how it might be sweet to receive a little card or present from a child maybe. But people expecting their partners to buy them cards and take them out, and wanting a whole ritual around it, as if you don't get enough fuss on birthdays/Christmas/anniversaries etc etc? Absolutely bizarre.

So op never came back. Just dumped a steaming pile of dung and left. Nice

We don’t do mothers day or fathers day very much. My partner is French and it’s not such a big deal there. It used to be quite the performance with my DM when I was a kid and tbh I feel ok about being very low key now. For us it’s a cultural tradition we’ve kind of swerved - I don’t feel short changed or taken for granted, it’s just not super relevant to me.