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AIBU?

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Original poster

To get DD out of a rave

256 replies

TheSassyHedgehog · 15/03/2026 01:56

We've just realised DD (17) is probably at a rave in the middle of nowhere. We knew she was going to a party with a friend but thought it was in the city we live in. However from her last location on phone, DH and I can see she's a good 20 ish miles away, probably in woodland, no houses for miles, and there's no signal now so we don't know how she'll organise to get home, plus have all the worries about whatever's going on there. We were young once though and know she could be having the time of her life but we want to get her home as it'll be getting cold. We think DH should drive to last known location and look for her but she may well be furious. AIBU?

OP posts:
BoogieTownTop · 15/03/2026 07:02

Inkspotblue · 15/03/2026 06:59

@BoogieTownTop It’s not ‘weird’ that some parents track and give lifts to and worry about their 17/18 yr olds. Stop shaming people because they’re different from you.

When did I say it was wrong to worry?

Oh, I didn’t!

Being a parent is full of worry, but you need to learn to manage that and allow your children to be adults!

Its bloody weird to insist an 18 year old that is an adult has a 2 pm curfew, not a tracked and can only come home by uber!

You honestly think that an 18 year old should be dictated to like that? Christ they could be parents themselves.

Aslighthead · 15/03/2026 07:02

BoogieTownTop · 15/03/2026 06:59

Only if mummy is paying for it!

What a great parent that makes them!

Mummy doesn’t like you being on the night bus, because all the grown ups are on their! You get an uber and mummy will pay for that, but that means I track you.

Oh, why dud you go to Jane’s house, I thought we agreed you weren’t going to see her anymore, because mummy doesn’t like her.

Ridiculous!

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You’re one for hyperbole and !!!! Aren’t you? Reminds me of my 15 year old

Aslighthead · 15/03/2026 07:01

BoogieTownTop · 15/03/2026 06:59

Only if mummy is paying for it!

What a great parent that makes them!

Mummy doesn’t like you being on the night bus, because all the grown ups are on their! You get an uber and mummy will pay for that, but that means I track you.

Oh, why dud you go to Jane’s house, I thought we agreed you weren’t going to see her anymore, because mummy doesn’t like her.

Ridiculous!

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Well yes obviously if mum is paying for it 😐

Soontobe60 · 15/03/2026 07:00

TheTattooedLady · 15/03/2026 03:37

If you ever find yourself in this situation with a child of your own, come back and tell me this is ‘normal’ and that you’re completely fine with it.

It might be something that you yourself did, and I’m sure the OP’s dd is fine, but it’s not normal for a 17yo child to be out in the woods at 2am.

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It really really is! She’s not ‘in the woods’ alone - there’s likely 1000 other people there all having a great time. Anything she could be getting up to in the woods she could just as easily be getting up to in a friend’s bedroom or a pub in the middle of the city.

Inkspotblue · 15/03/2026 06:59

@BoogieTownTop It’s not ‘weird’ that some parents track and give lifts to and worry about their 17/18 yr olds. Stop shaming people because they’re different from you.

BoogieTownTop · 15/03/2026 06:59

Aslighthead · 15/03/2026 06:53

I bet that 18 year old and his friends LOVE fact they’re getting an uber instead the night bus 😂

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Only if mummy is paying for it!

What a great parent that makes them!

Mummy doesn’t like you being on the night bus, because all the grown ups are on their! You get an uber and mummy will pay for that, but that means I track you.

Oh, why dud you go to Jane’s house, I thought we agreed you weren’t going to see her anymore, because mummy doesn’t like her.

Ridiculous!

JuliettaCaeser · 15/03/2026 06:57

I was a definite good girl and even I went clubbing at 17 with no curfew and my parents just went to bed. Why are people so intense now?

I’d be a sleepless wreck if I didn’t sleep til my late teens got home. In her gap year Dd then 18 worked in a restaurant and often went out afterwards and wasn’t back til 4ish - on week nights!

Callmebubblesdarlingeverybodydoes · 15/03/2026 06:56

liveforsummer · 15/03/2026 02:55

Times have changed. I was a raver and not one I went to was outdoors in the woods lol. Always in a nightclub or at least a venue with a large warehouse/barn etc. fair enough I stand corrected 😅

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You weren’t a raver then 😂 you were a clubber.

BoogieTownTop · 15/03/2026 06:56

Aslighthead · 15/03/2026 06:51

“Whatever” 😀

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??

Your “child” will be the next MN saying they can’t open the door, use public transport, find their way out of an issue on here!

Because mummy was a helicopter parent, even when they’re all “grown up”.

SherbetDipDap · 15/03/2026 06:55

TheSassyHedgehog · 15/03/2026 06:29

She's phoned us just now so DH is going to get her. Before this, DH drove out to her last location at about 3am and in the vicinity he saw lots of cars parked up and a few groups of young people but he couldn't hear music or get any idea of which direction they were coming or going from, but we guessed that was probably the gathering she was at, then he came back. We were really conflicted about what to do, but as it turns out she's ok and has had a good night and doesn't know why we were worried 😬 Thank you all for your responses.

I think you’ve handled this really well @TheSassyHedgehog
Open communication, no judgement or anger, checking she’s safe and then stepping back and letting her do her thing. This is exactly the kind of parenting that means in future she’ll tell you where she is.

Aslighthead · 15/03/2026 06:53

BoogieTownTop · 15/03/2026 06:51

Yeah, ones not raised by me!

Mummy is also insisting that the 18 year old gets an uber, they can’t use public transport, expensive for most 18 year olds that could just get the night bus.

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I bet that 18 year old and his friends LOVE fact they’re getting an uber instead the night bus 😂

BoogieTownTop · 15/03/2026 06:51

Aslighthead · 15/03/2026 06:49

Same 18 year old needs to ring mummy to ask to come and collect and bring them home

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Yeah, ones not raised by me!

Mummy is also insisting that the 18 year old gets an uber, they can’t use public transport, expensive for most 18 year olds that could just get the night bus.

Aslighthead · 15/03/2026 06:51

BoogieTownTop · 15/03/2026 06:49

Whatever, it’s still wrong at 18!

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“Whatever” 😀

Aslighthead · 15/03/2026 06:50

BoogieTownTop · 15/03/2026 06:49

If you want to respond to me, it’s best to tag!

My comments remain the same, lift or transport etc.

You’ve no right to invade an 18 year olds privacy, being the parent doesn’t change that.

its weird,

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I don’t have the location of my 19 year old. Why? At uni and not reliant on my for transport.

i have the location of my 15 year old. Reliant on me for transport.

for me that was my stake in the ground on the issue and neither so much as ever had anything negative to say about it

BoogieTownTop · 15/03/2026 06:49

Aslighthead · 15/03/2026 06:45

If my 22 year old is still reliant on mummy for transport - I’d be worried

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Whatever, it’s still wrong at 18!

Aslighthead · 15/03/2026 06:49

BoogieTownTop · 15/03/2026 06:47

I know it’s outrageous isn’t it!

Parent can’t cope with “stress” so child has to stick to outrageous rules to accommodate their issues. Instead of parent dealing with their own issues.

Imagine an 18 year old at a party saying I’ve got to go now, mummy wants me home! 🤮

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Same 18 year old needs to ring mummy to ask to come and collect and bring them home

BoogieTownTop · 15/03/2026 06:49

Aslighthead · 15/03/2026 06:46

I didn’t say wanted a lift etc
I said reliant on me for transport

If you want to respond to me, it’s best to tag!

My comments remain the same, lift or transport etc.

You’ve no right to invade an 18 year olds privacy, being the parent doesn’t change that.

its weird,

BoogieTownTop · 15/03/2026 06:47

Blushingm · 15/03/2026 06:42

What - even when 18 and at university, living in a student flat?

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I know it’s outrageous isn’t it!

Parent can’t cope with “stress” so child has to stick to outrageous rules to accommodate their issues. Instead of parent dealing with their own issues.

Imagine an 18 year old at a party saying I’ve got to go now, mummy wants me home! 🤮

Aslighthead · 15/03/2026 06:46

I didn’t say wanted a lift etc
I said reliant on me for transport

Aslighthead · 15/03/2026 06:45

BoogieTownTop · 15/03/2026 06:44

Expect them to stop allowing you to transport them! You expect as adults you dictate they’re going to be tracked?

Good god, imagine infantilising your adult children that much, that they can’t say no, or they won’t get a lift.

So if your adult children needs “transporting” to age 22, you’re going to insist only if you can track them? Invade their privacy?

I hope you’ve chosen to move somewhere with good transport links.

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If my 22 year old is still reliant on mummy for transport - I’d be worried

Monty27 · 15/03/2026 06:45

What do you think she was doing in the woods until 6am @TheSassyHedgehog?
What has she said she was doing in the woods until 6am?
Balance that out with the anxiety and agree future communication and build trust.
Just cos she's ok staying up all night shouldn't mean you have to because your worrying potentially for no reason.

BoogieTownTop · 15/03/2026 06:44

Aslighthead · 15/03/2026 06:41

For as long as my children are reliant on me for transport… I am tracking them

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Expect them to stop allowing you to transport them! You expect as adults you dictate they’re going to be tracked?

Good god, imagine infantilising your adult children that much, that they can’t say no, or they won’t get a lift.

So if your adult children needs “transporting” to age 22, you’re going to insist only if you can track them? Invade their privacy?

I hope you’ve chosen to move somewhere with good transport links.

Blushingm · 15/03/2026 06:42

FeyreArcheron · 15/03/2026 03:52

FWIW my 17yo son wouldn’t be allowed to do this and had a strict collected by a parent at 1am rule. Once he was 18 we relaxed this to 2am and he could get an Uber back if with friends.. I never slept until he was back and would have been having kittens if he wasn’t where he was supposed to be so I understand how.stresssful it is.

What - even when 18 and at university, living in a student flat?

SatsumaDog · 15/03/2026 06:42

I’m glad all is ok op. I would have been concerned under the same circumstances too.

Aslighthead · 15/03/2026 06:41

BoogieTownTop · 15/03/2026 06:37

I sincerely hope once she’s 18 she insists that you stop tracking her!

I presume you won’t allow her until then? Although if she has a job and is paying for her own phone, then she should stop it now,

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For as long as my children are reliant on me for transport… I am tracking them