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Original poster

Adult ADHD - ruining my life

61 replies

WhyWouldYouNotWatchASquirrel · 15/03/2026 00:31

Just typed out a long post listing all my issues but then I pressed a wrong button and lost it all. Now I just want to cry because I desperately need help but I don't want to type it all out again.

I feel doomed. I just don't know what to do anymore..I'm so lucky and privileged in so many ways but I'm wasting it all because I can't get myself to do the things I need to do. Really simple things. I have an infection that won't clear but I won't call the specialist even though my GP has asked me to. I haven't seen a dentist in 10 years. I'm chronically dehydrated but won't drink enough water. I'm obese and have high cholesterol but I won't stop binge eating

I am late 40s and have two amazing but very young kids and I feel more and more I can't cope with the organisation I require to get stuff donr for them. I keep forgetting stuff. I know I need to be fit for them but I can't even do it for them

I work full time in a very technical role that ik barely coping with. I spend most days browsing my phone while quietly panicking about yet again missing a deadline. I spend entire nights trying to catch up with work but increasingly I can't do that anymore. I don't have imposter syndrome. I am an imposter.

I'm medicated. I take 50mg of lisdexamphetamine on working days and it allows me to think coherently but doesn't help with procrastination. I don't want to up the dose. I hate the meds and how they make me feel.

OP posts:
Passaggressfedup · 15/03/2026 08:07

It might not be adhd but the fact that working FT with young children is absolutely exhausting. Are you sleeping well? Poor sleep quality will also wreck your energy levels.

Don't beat yourself up too much. It sounds you just have little mental space left to be organised. Be kind to yourself x

Catlady1982 · 15/03/2026 02:04

It sounds like you’re in burnout. It’s awful, hits all of a sudden like ton of bricks when all the late spinning come crashing down.
Since my diagnosis I recognise periods of my life as this and I’m in one at the moment. I strip everything back and do the essentials needed to sustain life in my household - Work (to the best of my ability as I need the income, but I’ll rein back and just do the absolute necessary, nothing pro-active or offering to do extra), keep us fed (with convenience food if needed), keep us in clean clothes, wash dishes as needed, and rest, rest, rest (as much as is possible with ADHD). Try and block out the chatter and give yourself time to recharge. I then find that a priority will surface which I feel able to tackle.
For me it’s about giving yourself permission to stop and not feel guilty for the things you can’t do right now. Don’t give in to the pressure, it’s not real.

And I somewhat agree with @IDontHaveASuperpower. I stand with the theories that suggest ADHD brains haven’t caught up with the demands of the modern world. However if it is an actual neurological disorder I believe it should be a dysregulation disorder not a deficit. I’m not deficient in attention, I just don’t know where to put it at any given time

MysteriousInspector · 15/03/2026 02:00

Sometimes I find having several things on the go at once and continually swapping between them works - each task is a distraction from the previous task and it feels like I am skiving (which helps!)

Dunderheided · 15/03/2026 01:54

All us ADHDers are of course awake at this time and scrolling our phones.

i could probably have written everything you have.

Walking really helps me, an hour a day. At the moment I’m listening to Dr James Kustow’s “How to thrive with adult ADHD” as I walk, and it’s at least giving my a little bit of hope.

I’m going to give up my smartphone too.

Good luck.

Original poster
WhyWouldYouNotWatchASquirrel · 15/03/2026 01:46

MysteriousInspector · 15/03/2026 01:05

Huge sympathy. If you get started does it kick you into carrying on - the so-called ADHD superpower?

I found that self help books worked - for a while. Once one wore off I got a different one.

~Some other things
assemble the tools for the task so they are ready if and when you can get started
do 5 minutes of any task
worst thing first

Maybe have a good night's sleep and start fresh tomorrow?

Yes once I start I can usually continue. At least till the next distraction. But starting is a massive issue. Maybe I should read an ADHD book. I've only managed to read 2- delivered from distraction and a Russel Barkley one - back when i was diagnosed about 10 years ago. As a trenager and early twenties I used to buy philosophy books to inspire me into being more proactive. Now that doesn't work anymore.

I sleep reasonably well and I tend to fall asleep easily though I struggle with the getting up.

OP posts:
IDontHaveASuperpower · 15/03/2026 01:38

I could have written your OP (though I don't have kids). I'm 44 and have wasted all my chances and talents. I am lying awake feeling crushed by life.

It's not a superpower, it's a fucking curse.

I know exactly what I need to get out of the rut, and it's impossible. I've been here so many times, and I always end up back in the rut. Careerless, penniless, fat and miserable.

I have so much talent and ability when the circumstances are right. I can be brilliant. Everyone expected me to achieve great things. But I can't. The circumstances just can't be right for me as an adult.

I have theories about this - I don't actually even believe in "ADHD" as such, in that I don't think it's a disorder. I think the way the world is set up is what's disordered, but that's a moot point really. The outcome is the same - we're fucked.

Kitterkitkat · 15/03/2026 01:23

That sounds really hard. Perhaps soothing music and hot milk and honey just for tonight? You need rest right now to gather up some energy

Avader · 15/03/2026 01:19

For now, get off the internet and go to bed. Try to sleep. If you can’t then have a cuppa.

YankSplaining · 15/03/2026 01:16

Would it be possible for you to take a couple years off from work? I have ADHD too, and while my kids are 8 and 11 now, I remember what it was like when they were really little. ADHD might be an “invisible” disability, but it’s a disability, and it sounds like you’re really burning the candle at both ends.

MysteriousInspector · 15/03/2026 01:05

Huge sympathy. If you get started does it kick you into carrying on - the so-called ADHD superpower?

I found that self help books worked - for a while. Once one wore off I got a different one.

~Some other things
assemble the tools for the task so they are ready if and when you can get started
do 5 minutes of any task
worst thing first

Maybe have a good night's sleep and start fresh tomorrow?

Original poster
WhyWouldYouNotWatchASquirrel · 15/03/2026 00:40

I've tried the usual tricks. Alarms, internet blockers, task lists, reminders. Nothing helps. I'm lucky that I have a very competent and organised DH otherwise I'd probably be homeless. Or maybe I'd get my act together purely because I would have to. I don't know.

I don't have any friends anymore because I can't keep in touch with people. I barely call my parents or siblings though I know they are struggling and love to hear from me. I have got messages from 18 people just on WhatsApp at the moment that are all waiting for a reply from me. I have got so many contracts going for services I've long stopped using because I can't cancel them.

I'm always stressed and anxious because of all the things I'm not doing that I know I'm supposed to work. I desperately need to finish some work that is due on Monday. That my colleagues are depending on. And I just can't do it. I'm so worried but I still can't do it

I look at what's going on around the world and how much people are suffering and I know how lucky and privileged I am but I'm absolutely wasting this privileged life. It's wasted on me. I can't even carry out any hobbies even though I keep buying stuff for them because I can't actually do anything apart from browse my phone. Smart phones and working from home have been my death blows.

OP posts: