Adult ADHD - ruining my life

I'm guessing you are neuro typical. It's very hard to understand what the ADHD symptoms are like as the OP describes if you havn't experienced it. I have the same problems none of my neurotypical friends do. Sure they get overwhelmed and procrastinate and fall into lows. But what the OP describes is one whole other scale.

This is absolutely on the money.

Are you on HRT? Estrogen has been a game changer for me. Feels like I can think straight, actually pick a task and complete it, then move on! Amazing. Currently working my way through a backlog of the admin I should have done over the last 10 years and all the boxes and piles of papers and random crap I have accumulated.

Huge sympathy @WhyWouldYouNotWatchASquirrel !!

The thing that helped me the most was starting yoga. It gave my brain enough to focus on, whilst simultaneously calming and energising me. It’s recommended by the Mental Health team at the hospital and I can really see why. It got me healthier, helped me lose weight and that increased my productivity. The children got used to playing around me whilst I was doing it, and joined in bless them.
I also find I have to have a big declutter of the house very regularly, the adhd mess hurts my brain and worsens all my symptoms…it’s like it freezes me. The less stuff the easier I can keep vaguely on top of it. Till it builds up again.
Things like subscriptions…work on dealing with one a week. You can find contact details for the company online even without subscription details, and if that doesn’t work if necessary cancel with your bank. This will really help unfreeze you. Can you change your private email too? A fresh start.

You could send a simple reply to the people waiting on what’s app saying you aren’t well at the minute…anyone important will reach out, others don’t need to be in your head. Or, simply delete the wretched thing.

Finally, family. I think this might be a big one in making you feel worse. Obviously I don’t know your dynamics, but I would gently say if at all possible reach out. Can you do it in person or by telephone, rather than message? Actual real interaction? But also tell them you haven’t been that well…if someone cares they would want to know. I used to draw back and isolate myself when I wasn’t doing well, now everyone has passed away and I wish I had more time with them and was more honest with them when I could…they wouldn’t have thought me a failure, because they did care.

Whatever loving advice you’d give your children or best friend, give to yourself. You deserve your love. Good luck lovely.,

I work in education and we had some recent training that suggested ADHD as we now see it could actually be blue light withdrawal from screen use. It would explain the mass amounts of children now presenting over the last ten years.

They said if a child had 4 hours of screen time over the weekend, when do you think their brains would be regulated to learn again. It shocked me that it would actually take until Wednesday! And that doesn’t take into account if they were then on them Mon and Tues.

For a long while I thought I had ADHD myself. I deleted all apps from my phone and used a blocker and I’m a different person. Before I would be scrolling until 2am, constantly distracted and forgetful etc It’s been transformative for me.

You mentioned the phone being an issue - have you tried using a BRICK device? It allows you to block your phone from receiving messages until you unbrick it. It worked wonders for our dd for revising. Or get dh to put your phone away at times.

ADHD here and drowning - so desperate for complete down time as hurtling towards full burnout but spinning so many priority plates in a very neuro- diverse, demanding and busy household, all adults ..
House less chaotic .. yet I try.. I don’t dislike housework - I’m not lazy ..but working as well, I just can’t organise myself and I escape jobs as often as I can in search of a dopamine rush ..usually shopping .. it’s a b*t*d of a disability, that is relentless in its pursuit of destroying us to breaking point ..
Hugs to all in the open all hours adhd club xxxx

I agree, and I think, under those conditions, there would probably be no such thing as ADHD. The people whose brains work that way would have their role.

If your phone is the problem, would it work to set up parental controls on your phone so you couldn't use it in the day? Or that physical blocking device called "the brick" and put the brick in your husband's study or car?

This modern life is full of so much noise, decision making, admin, bad news every day, sat behind desks doing made up jobs, not being part of the community any more.

The closer we can move to how we are meant to live (hunter, gather, outdoors, no tech, creative jobs, living in a community, helping others), the happier we will be. In my opinion! 😀

@WhyWouldYouNotWatchASquirrel I could have written this.

Personally, I think the set up of modern life has given me the symptoms of ADHD. I've completely turned my life around in the past few months:

• No social media apps on phone
• Phone outside of bedroom and office at all times
• None screen time every evening
• Removed decision making from my life. Meals are the same each week, small amount of clothes, same routine
• Made myself accountable to someone - biggest one for me
• Exercise twice a week, same time, no excuses
• Journalling

It starts with little steps. You won't do it all at once, implement a small improvement each week. Best book that's ever helped me is "Happy Mind, Happy Life".

First step, calm your brain. Second step, implement improvements in a calm state.

OP I feel for you. I read this and so much resonated with me and I don't have ADHD (that I'm aware of). I kept life together okay, just about, until I hit menopause, and then it all went to pieces. My hormones went haywire, I gained four stone and my career hit the skids when the creative industry I work in collapsed. I can't seem to get anything right.

No advice, just sisterhood. I do wonder if we're all just trying to do too much? FFS, the distractions are next level, and if you are working and dealing with kids it's likey that your attention is totally shattered. You are not alone in this - it's not you, it's modern life. Go easy.

I can be as kind to myself as I like, it's not going to get the garden weeded or the DIY done. And the worse it gets through neglect, the harder it is to feel kindly towards myself. If we had enough money for me to be part time and have a cleaner, my life would be amazing. As it is, it's just a relentless, crushing series of small failures. It's the money that makes the difference, as these threads always prove.

Well it was throw money at the problem, DH helps a lot and be kinder to yourself to be fair! But depending on finances it's not always hugely expensive to cut hours e.g. if they claim UC or if OP pays a lot of tax or if she was able to claim PIP.

So yeah, like I said above, people always come on these threads to tell everyone how they cope with it, and it's always "I throw money at the problem".

Great.

Just as a caveat, I don't have my ADHD diagnosis yet (assessment soon), but I recognise myself in a lot of this and my DD has ADHD. So I use a lot of lists for what the kids need. If I know I'm going to forget something I either do it straight away or write myself a note somewhere really obvious. I didn't cope at all with full time work but I found part time much more manageable and have always had a day to myself for the last 15 years. I don't work at all at the moment because of my DCs' needs but I still have a cleaner and don't cook from scratch that much and DH pitches in with laundry and gardening and tidying up at the end of the day so that we can vaguely stay on top of the house. I just wonder if you're expecting too much of yourself?

Did you actually read the OP? She sounds desperate. She has also acknowledged that she is lucky in many respects.

Oh dear!