Fil moved on too quick?

Fair enough. But I have seen a degree of naivety on the part of some of the women I'm referring to. Anyway, point taken.

It’s not about you being cynical.

What I found offensive is you calling women mugs. Even if what you’re saying about men were true, that’s on the men, don’t blame women for men’s behaviour.

I think part of the reason men move on quicker generally is that they don’t worry so much about the opinions of other people as women

Edit: retracted

My friend’s father got into a new relationship when his wife was in a care home with dementia, he had cared for her for 3 years prior to this.

Men often do. A friend (more of an acquaintance really) of my parents was remarried less than a year after his first wife died. Actually, after he killed her in a dangerous driving incident :(

I would say it’s up to him - it’s 14 months, not 14 days. I get it will seem strange, particularly to the grandchildren but he is entitled to move on whenever he feels ready

How long should be have to be miserable for before he is allowed to live his life again? I don’t believe that moving on after the death of a partner mean you didn’t love them, I think you can continue to grieve whilst also getting out there and meeting people. He is presumably in the latter portion of his life, why wait to find some sort of joy?

I don't think you're being overlt cynical, people just don't like the truth, I 've seen this behaviour many times also, it's what many of them do.

My wife died in August last year. She had cancer, and we knew it was terminal for at least the preceeding three years, so it could be argued that I had already been grieving that long, so when the finality came maybe I would be ready to move on more quickly.

My reality is that I can't imagine being with anyone other than her, and I doubt I ever will.

My fil met the new woman when my mil was terminal, was going out to meet her. It was quite shocking.i don’t think it got physical till she passed. He is really old fashioned in that way and clearly felt a lot of guilt.

my freinds got divorced, she initiated it, he didn’t want it, when she did it, he kicked off, but was on dating sites the next day and started seeing women and hiding it, whilst trying to convince his wife not to end it. His view was he had to put himself first , make a new life for nimself, snd didn’t wish to be single, living alone and hanging round his mates every weekend,

as said, it seems to be very common with older men, although divorcee was early 50s. It was staggering how many women lept at the chance to date him, even though they knew, and shagging immediately. So many felt sex sealed the deal and it meant they were in a relationship, even though he’d been clear.

I think there is a lot of single people who really dislike being single and behave utterly desperate when someone shows a flicker of interest.

Some terrible generalisations all over this thread. All things that have been "noticed" by folk who seemingly keep spreadsheets of when bereaved folk re-date. You know nothing, you're actually disgusting.

A lot of men just can’t live on their own - they want someone else to take care of them. Tbh if she’s a nice woman and they’re happy I wouldn’t worry about it.

I think there are two different issues here.
Him finding some company is helping him cope.

PDA like kissing in a club is frankly disgusting and if his children want nothing to do with him, it serves him right.
In front of his grandson?
Christ.

He should be told to have a bit of respect for himself and his family and control himself in public.
I really wouldn't want to be around him at all.

Of course his children are going to be appalled.
They must still be in huge shock about the sudden loss of their mother.
14 months is nothing.

Why? Some of them it's money. In the case of my dad's g/f, dad would've been number 4 hubby had they got married. They were engaged but dad died before they married.
We heard too that she ignored wills and kept the money meant for children each time, and in the case of one family she didn't even let the children know when the funeral was.
Some people are just bad.

edited. At my dad's funeral, the g/f was making moves on my dads old school friend, a recent widower. I had a few emails from him after, mentioning her, so I presume she moved on to the next one. As I said, some people are just bad!

Please see some of my other replies above. I regret the wording I used, which is overly cynical.

I don’t think this is too quick, and find a lot of older men struggle to be alone, it isn’t a reflection on his feelings towards his wife and he doesn’t need to be alone for an extended period to validate he loved his wife.

the family should be supporting him not wanting him to be alone and miserable.

Wow and coming from a bloke too! Nice!

Someone I know fell madly in-love 3 weeks after his wife's death. I think that must be a record. Full on proclamations and public displays of affection - after 21 days.

I think it's personal really.I mean FIL is obv lonely ,and many men feel the same TBH. Women seem to manage better .I think it's hard for the family .DH is used to seeing his Dad as his parents .It's hard to see him as a person now with someone else .I think you are doing well ,support DH but see FIL as well .14 months is not a long time ,but probably feels an eternity to poor old Dad!

Men do this. It's pathetic.

@flapjackfairy re the women who shack up with these men so soon after their wives die....I can only speak about my FIL who started dating the next door neighbour in my MIL's last few months of life. She is 15 years younger (he's 62, she's 47) but by no means a catch. She's quite overweight and looks 60 herself due to heavy smoking and binge drinking. She's a single mother of a teenager that she ignores every weekend to go drinking with FIL I can only assume she doesn't have much of a self esteem. FIL has also paid for 6 holidays for them in the last 18 months alone so that's probably quite nice for her.

I think it's different for the children.

They only have one mum or dad, but a spouse can have many partners to love.

I do think it's strange how people attribute how 'much love' there was for the deceased based on the number of months there has been before a new love interest is declared.

Would you still be counting if they'd just divorced?