AIBU? Costings and date nights

Given the other post about his debt,what do you expect? He might have money to treat you (how often do you treat him?) if you paid some rent to him.

You might need to go to some of Op's other threads to get more background about her situation.

If you grew up in poverty, how did you train to become a Dr debt free OP?

Genuine question from someone who had to work to live so couldn’t afford to study.

Do you, every ow and again take him on a date where you foot the whole bill. If the answer is no, then why do you expect him to do it.
It should be split 50/50

You wouldn’t run for tne hills If a bloke moved in, didn’t want to pay any rent, and expected you to pay to take him out.

right.

Exactly this. Your outgoings are so low; I hope you are saving to invest in your own property given how much money you musr have spare

God how grabby, imagine wanting to live somewhere for free, and thinking it’s your right, as he owns the house, and not contributing. Do you think the same of any one who owns a house, like landlords, you should be able to just front up and live there just paying utilities etc,

and do you ever take him out. Pay for him as way of thank you for letting you live in his home.

This is fine for now, but he owns the house. If you see your future with him and kids you need to be contributing to the house and mortgage so you aren’t shafted if you split.

So you are living rent free @ForLuckyReader ?

Then get out.

She pays £150 for bills. She’s already leaving him out of pocket.

For those that haven't, seen the linked thread from same poster yesterday - the BF is in debt and the poster is a well earning doctor.

To the OP if you are looking for an excuse to leave then just leave him. I wouldn't want a long term relationship with someone in debt either.

Please don't try and push him beyond his means 'for love' though or leave him out of pocket when you go by not paying share of bills. It's not fair.

Why aren’t you buying him a drink or meal sometimes given you’re living mortgage / rent free?

Tbh he’s probably expecting you to treat him
he’s saving you at least £500 a month in rent
thats 6k a year at least

This set up wouldnt be for me because i'm a generous person but you arent getting a "bad deal" here...you have a very good one

Honestly you are basically living at home with your parents with zero rent and should have saved 10k or so already by living with him for 8 months. This assumes you havent been paying any rent to him or buying things for you both when out (which i would because again its the decent thing to do if someone wont accept rent... I do it if i stay with a relative for a fee nights)
I dont know students with costs this low.

If you like him otherwise.... I would just put all joint expenses on a separate card of yours. Ie. You buy all joint outings and invoice him half at month end.
It removes the absolutely vagina shrivelling "you owe me £3.65" ick ....q

You've stated in another post he's in debt. Your living costs are incredibly low. It's not the dark ages. Grow up.

Her freeloading off him while being a high earner should be sending him for the hills too!

You don’t pay a lot at all. But the monzo request would make my fanny dryer than the Sahara

Your other thread says you're a doctor OP. 🤣 Probs need to work a bit harder at your story writing.

You must be paying a lot less per month than you were before though?!

Whats going on with his debts?

Start paying him rent then or go live somewhere else and pay rent. You live there for free, you should be paying for date night.

He doesn’t charge you rent? £350 for all your bills including food is a pretty sweet deal. My student DD pays £500 plus bills and food a month for a shithole flat in a dodgy part of town. It sounds like he feels you’re taking the piss a bit, and you should be treating him.

this would send me running for the hills tbh

@ForLuckyReader Yes.. he pays all of his mortgage because.. it’s his house?! Just like when he sells, all the equity will be his and his only. I don’t own a home

But if you were not living there, you would be paying rent to house yourself. So, you should be paying 50% market rent to him for the roof over your head, irrespective of ownership. If not living there, would you be telling a landlord that you refuse to pay rent, as it’s their house and when they sell the equity will be theirs alone! Good luck with that! Currently, you are the female version of a cocklodger. Houses for free and complaining he doesn’t pay your share on date nights 😞.

If you feel hard done by, make an arrangement to only pay 30% of the food bill if that’s all you eat, which is not unreasonable, but I really doubt the 20% you save will go close to covering what you should for having a roof over your head. Apart from that, fix the brass neck.

@ForLuckyReader how long have you been with your partner for? I assume much longer than the 8 months you’ve moved in together ? What was the situation before - did he splash the cash On dates? And if so could it be that was because he was hiding the debt and didn’t feel he could be honest with you?.

He has either alway been a bit of a penny pincher in which case if you really hate it that much - leave, OR given your other thread states he has approx 30k of debt with high interest you’ve just found out about it, SURELY this is him just adjusting his lifestyle to not get himself in more debt? It would be a lot easier for him to charge you rent - or get another lodger who would pay rent to he’ll make inroads with the debt which he hasn’t done. It could also be that there is more hidden debt you don’t know of. Has he been fully transparent with all financials? Has he got a clear plan to pay off the debt?

the Monzo request would annoy me- I would just split the bill there and then but otherwise, it seems incongruous that you say on the other thread you’re shocked and worried about the debt / have poverty trauma, worried and on this one you’ve got the ick because he won’t treat you once in a while. If you grew up very working class as you stated in other thread can’t you see the benefits of being very strict with money so as to free him from the debt now - you can then have as many treats as he wishes once he’s financially solvent ?

Personally as part of a team/ relationship I would be far more worried about the debt and the fact he hid this than, not being treated on date nights but each to their own