AIBU? Costings and date nights

This. I couldn't live like that (I'm single and will stay single if that's the alternative)

And the band played believe it if you like….

Get a joint account for expenses like this. Saves all the stress.
Also, given you live in his home rent free I think be is being generous already.

I'm afraid this and other thread smacks of journo trawling for a story. Don't waste your posting

Maybe the OP as the only newly qualified doctor in history to have no student loans or debts should start paying a fair share of their living expenses rather than less than a teenager on minimum wage,

Or maybe both of her threads are absolute made up nonsense - who knows 😘

Yeah I dont get this either. I live alone and my bills are just short of £1000 a month. My mortgage is less than his.

I also think rent should be paid, even if a token amount. If renting you would be paying landlords mortgage

He’s skint and on the bones of his arse with nothing left over. How do you think he should magic up money?

You aren't married.
He has substantial debts.
You've lived together in his house for 5 minutes. It's not a joint tenancy , you are not financially committed in any way.
You are a doctor
You are young.
You have a million choices.
Why are you passively living in this life? Make a list of the bits that make this the future you want/ don't want and then make a decision, stay or go. Stop faffing around and stop whingeing .

It might be lacking in grace to split every expense down the middle when you are out for a meal/drink but that just suggests you should take it in turns to treat each other, not that he should pay for date nights. Expecting him to pay - especially when you are a doctor and living rent-free in his house - is poor form, and clearly stems from some outdated ideas of gender roles.

@ForLuckyReader when DH and I met, he was on his uppers, literally cardboard in his shoes, renting a room in a minging house, contemplating changing careers because he didn't have the parental backing to survive above subsistence until the fees started coming in.

In had my own house admittedly no debts. He stayed there until wengot married, although he kept the minging flat on for two years. He contributed towards food and bills , not the mortgage because it was my house.

His finances got better after 6-8 months. He always says he'd have thrown the towel in had it not been for me.

Good job I didn't get the ick. Within a few years, in the 90s, he was earning £300k pa and it only got better.

While you are living here you can save loads towards a deposit on your own place op! Sounds like you’ve got a good deal. If you think he’s tight, then he’s not the one, doubt he will change. What’s stopping you moving on?

He doesn’t but she does
pays no rent or mortgage. Only 150 towards bills and still moans she has to pay half when they go out.

😂😂😂😂😂

...

OP pays £150 a month for her contribution to all housing expenses, she has a high doctors salary and the boyfriend is the one who is mean with money??

How on earth can he be tight when he’s financially subsidising the OP.

I think you are right not to pay for the mortgage. I think he is mean with money and that’s very off putting. He sounds like one of these men that will expect you to pay half the bills when you are on maternity leave. People have very different set ups - some couples split everything (regardless of salary) others split based on proportion of salary, others put all into one pot. The advice you get here might be from someone with any of the above setups so not unbiased. Work out what you think is right and if you don’t align then have a chat and take it from there, but often it’s a big thing to overcome - good luck. FYI myself and husband have one pot, no him money/my money and he is a much higher earner. My parents were also like this - my mother was a SAHM and father always said we both work and all money shared. This is why I think your BF is tight. I also lived with hubby and did not pay his mortgage and after about 1.5 years when we decided to take relationship further we both went on deeds and I became 50% owner of house. I did not want to pay for someone else’s property.

I asked that last night. Must be the only completely debt free newly qualified doctor in the country

I don’t seem to be able to search by user.

Yes the ick from me. I’m a lot lot older and I still feel this is very unattractive in a man. Sorry I’m old fashioned in that way and sending a Monzo request for half a drink is showing tight vibes. You pay your way and would I suspect buy drinks and food anyway without the 50/50 expectation. If he is in debt do you think he might be using you to share costs on his house he has had for 4 years and 4 months before you arrived when he’s now in debt. You won’t have any claim on the house so are you saving for your own deposit on a house (I do hope so) otherwise you might be a convenient lodger? Do you both see a future with eachother?

It sounds like he has some resentment that you’re not contributing more - hence sending you the monzo requests .
You’re a cocklodger in female form - whatever that word is ?!

You are the one who should be treating him to date nights as a thank you for his generosity! Stop being so entitled!

Because of this you are saving a huge chunk each month by not paying any rent.
Regardless of all that why do you expect him to take you out and pay the full bill if you don’t, and don’t intend, to do the same for him?

I feel mixed about this. On the one hand, you’re living there for nearly no money. On the other hand, I’d hate the splitting everything 50:50. It gives me the ick too. But I don’t ask friends to split the cost, I’d rather be the generous one and buy coffee/lunch etc.

I’d want to move out, pay my own way for living expenses, then probably decide I don’t like his stinginess.

This sounds really grim, I couldn’t deal with it! Even if I go out with a friend I’m more than happy to get them a coffee, can’t imagine asking for their half sending on Monzo!

How is it stingy, she's paying £350 a month the live at his, that seems low and below half of standard outgoings, council tax, gas, electric, water, internet/phone/TV, food, TV license, food etc.
She isn't paying rent.
It should be her paying for the dates of anything

I'm surprised the bills are so low. Ours are around £600 pcm.

I'd say £500 would be closer to your share of household expenses even if you don't want to pay rent. Then he might have some spare cash.