How many kids is too many???

I’m not sure why a family with two children would be adequately prepared for these unprecedented future challenges, yet a family with three is just too mind-blowingly large to cope.

We all have different resources in terms of time, temperament, finances and support. So we should mind our own business and trust other people to make decisions that work for them.

I have three but I am fortunate to have financial security, quite a lot of patience and no great need for sleep, so it works well.

If I’d met my now dh as a young woman i suspect we would have had several, as it was we met later in life so have no joint children, my ex was hard work so i couldn’t cope with more than 2 with him, he has since had an autism diagnosis

More than you can afford, if you have the money go ahead and procreate

Just because you can't cope with it or see how it could work, doesn't mean no-one else can cope with it or make it work. We all have different capacities. If two is your limit, it's good you recognise it. Have two.

I have four children and want one last one. I know a few mums who have five children and they are all so happy. And I agree with you that big families mean hard work, but that’s fine.
If someone with one or two children didn’t want that for them so stuck at one/two then great that’s up to them. It’s when they loudly vocally judge people for making a different choice to them that they become rude and annoying.

I have one sibling who lives hundreds of miles away. What you have with your sisters I wish I had that too.

It’s dependent on situation isn’t it. We have 3, number 4 on the way and it’s brilliant but we have the finances and the space for them and a 7 seater car too.

my brother on the other hand has 1 and he can’t cope

It depends on where you are surely?
There have always been global issue which change through the generations.
Where I’m from was pretty war torn a generation ago and children now have a much more peaceful and prosperous life. While there are different challenges in many ways they also do have less challenges.

My fourth was a migrated coil. It happens. I don't have a nanny though.

One.

Depends on the parents, I've got a friend with 5 kids who are perfectly well loved and cared for and all have multiple hobbies and seem to feel like they get plenty of attention from their parents. I have no idea how she does it but chapeau to her. Equally I've seen families unable to cope with a single child.

We have 2, I'd love a third, we have the time, money and space but DH is in his forties now and feels he's too old so we're sticking at 2.

If you ever read the cost saving boards, it’s usually the parents of the three plus children trying to work out how they can squeeze soup out of a stone, or manage on 1 shower a week for a family of 5. The more children you have, the more it will impact on your time, family finances, the quality of food you can feed them, other resources, etc, etc. If something goes wrong (bereavement, job loss, divorce) it will heavily impact on the quality of life you can give your children. And in life, shit happens. Easier to manage life’s adversities with one or two than with a big brood.

Absolutely echo what @DestinedToBeOutlived said. I have watched someone make really heavy lifting of her one (lovely and sweet natured) child, whilst another person with 6 (equally lovely and kind) children make parenting look enjoyable. It totally depends on a parent’s resources, be that time or money, as to what they can personally manage.

Additionally, some people value the tangible (more holidays, private education, bedroom space, multiple activities) over the intangible of additional sibling bonds and familial links. Then there are some who can achieve both. Not everyone places the same importance on the same aspects of parenting.

Who knows…maybe with the challenges (are there really more than previous generations?) of a 21st century childhood, a ‘large’ tribe of 3+ siblings is what a child needs…certainly would help on the socialisation front, given the focus on locked down play dates children face these days…

Don’t assume because you struggle to navigate more than two children this holds for everyone else. Everyone is different - some couldn’t fathom having any children, and some couldn’t understand anyone having less than four.

Your way isn’t better. Your choice isn’t better. You’re just different and that’s okay.

I don’t think there is “too many” it depends on the family.

For me though over 2 would be too much. I always thought about 3 but now I have 2 I just think a third would only take away from our family life and my existing children.

That’s surprising; I’ve seen the opposite - more people having none or one. from an environment perspective i think more than 2 is too many

I have 5 daughters. My eldest is 22 and my youngest is 1 next week. Others are 5,9 and 15. I found things really different with my 22 year old growing up as phones etc weren’t as widespread in younger children. Kids in my 9 year olds class have social media etc now. I just wouldn’t allow it as my elder ones never had it at that age but seems the norm now! I parent 5 quite well I think but I have age gaps so this might help as they aren’t at each others throats lol 😂

Depends on the parents and on the children. My parents were 1 of 13 and 1 of 5 and both had chaotic childhoods and did not get on with their families as adults. I would have liked to have 4. I waited a couple of years after my first and realised DC was very high needs so stuck to 1.

Well exactly- your 'concerns'. We don't need your concerns. It comes across as judgy AF. There are many benefits to having more than 1 or 2 kids: health and social...and we are heading toward a population crisis 🤡

Just because you don't have capacity/want to competently parent more than 2, doesn't mean others can't 👍

Well everyone has to make the decision for themselves don’t they, I don’t know your life, when I said my circumstances I do mean our own personalities and temperaments also! I would have been stretched too thin between 3, between my marriage, my job, my hobbies, and my children (one of which turned out to have SEN) 3 would have been too much, my eldest 2 would have suffered as a result. That is a reflection of me, not you, you don’t need to infer that I am saying you are stretched too thin. You’re being extremely defensive for someone calling others embarrassing and claiming to be happy with your lot.

As long as you have considered the child and their needs in your equation - now and in the future, in unfortunate but common circumstances (divorce/illness) then it's personal choice.

The problem is that people don't. They consider what they 'want' as adults - they want another baby (not another child), they want to cement a new relationship, they want a carer for themselves or other children, they want to be needed, they want a reason not to return to working life.

I don't care about declining birth rates. At some point we have to push through the demographic bulge - we can't keep importing people/expanding the base - it will be my generation this will affect most and we'll just have to live smaller lives in retirement or continue working. We cannot have what our parents had - and why should we, our children won't have what we did.

I have five children. Big families mean hard work and sacrifices. That said I have seen other families struggle with one or two children . There is no certainty. I don't think that the modern way of parenting - very heavy on extra curricular activities, goods , holidays , attention - is a guarantee of anything on the life satisfaction scale.
I love my family, I could have given more financially if I had stopped at two.
I adored my sisters . My children are close, they love each other. I hope they will always have each other alongside all the love, care and input I can give them ❤️

I mean, that is funny, because I am also in a senior leadership position, DH travels and no family nearby. We make it work and kids are thriving and happy 🤷🏼‍♀️

My comment wasn't really on you tbh, just met a few people who are very judgy, described as faux concern. Pisses me off! Just because you can't/don't want to do it, doesn't mean others can't.

Well some of the difficulties of having multiple kids might be beneficial. For example mine bicker which obviously wouldn’t happen with an only child. But I think it does them good to learn to deal with other people. Honestly if anything my eldest is the least willing to consider others needs as in the brief time she was an only child, she got used to having parents who “gave her everything” - and DC2 is only two years younger as well!