How many kids is too many???

My only "thing" from the get go (we wanted from a very young age - and incredibly luckily got - a large family. Larger than the vast majority of standards and certainly MN standards) was that our eldest children did not take on this role. We want DS to be free to be a child, not old before his time.

It's not uncommon for people to feel free to "advise" me not to put responsibility upon his shoulders. Ironically, the only people I've seen who do this are 2-3 child families

Apparently my lot are. But I made a lot of effort to not be how my parents were with just two of us.

One more than you can cope with is too many. I have one and two would be too many for me to cope with.

I don't understand people who have a child with different needs and then add even more children to the mix.

I think it's part of a bigger picture, and maybe me being the eldest child. I'm noticing now my parents are getting older, it's me they are expecting to drop everything to care for them when the time comes. Even though I'm the one with all the responsibility at my own home and live far away. My sibling doesn't have this. So maybe less a family size thing and more that it's a role I seem to have been given very early on. These sorts of dynamics are probably more problematic than family size. I think it would have been the same if I'd had ten siblings.

Iv never met anyone who in 1 of 5 or more who actually was overly happy with their upbringing.

In some ways maybe, but on the flip side there are more siblings to support each other.

I know it can happen with smaller families, it’s just almost inevitable in larger families in my experience.

I’m sorry you had that responsibility as a child, parentification is a terrible situation.

I never really had a number in mind. When it was time to stop, it felt right. The only real 'thing' I had was that they had their own rooms. They don't actually need their own rooms, that's just something I wanted for them.

Respectfully, do they have a choice in the matter?

Mine very often choose to share for the night, but there must occasionally be fallings out/one who is poorly/one who has a friend round/one who simply wants a little privacy?

OK, I'll bite.

Essentially you are discussing risk mitigation. By definition, it cannot be eliminated. So how do you recommend addressing it?

My perspective is a broad one. I believe that every child should be a wanted one. That means investing in women's health, reproductive rights, ready access to contraception and abortion and educating men of their responsibilities and financial obligations .

And a seismic societal shift.

I do not believe in a number. I believe in multiple social, economical and financial factors dovetailing in an optimal fashion.

Goldilocks zone.

The best predictor of future outcomes are previous outcomes.

I know three families who had three children and decided to have one more, making four.
However, Mother Nature had other ideas and seems to love twins!

That's a parental choice though. I'm only 2.5 years older than my sister but had a lot of responsibility for her. There's nothing wrong with siblings helping siblings to some extent, it's when it becomes an obligation or gets in the way of their own lives it's a problem. If you have kids, parent them yourselves.

I'm 1 of 8 and grew up in a 3 bed council house. It was sometimes A LOT but honestly wouldn't change it for the world. It was soooo much fun and I feel like my world was full of laughter and love.

That’s my point. If you have the energy and health to do that, that’s great. If you are wanting more dc because you always wanted that, or like people needing you, it’s awful for those dc.

I think too many children is different for every family, like PP’s have said, however I know it’s too many when the older children are forced to parent their siblings. I have seen it pretty often and it’s a very unhealthy dynamic.

Again, nothing wrong with kids sharing bedrooms, at least til they become teens anyway.It's a very modern thing that this is seen as an 'issue' or reason not to have more kids.
My daughters love their bunk bed and sleeping in the same room together.

I had a bigger family because I was one of two. That might reflect more failure on my parents' parts though.

I hvae to say seeing two as the ideal always stikes me as very odd because in DH and my family there were lots of two kids families in generation above and they have the worst sibling dynamic.

Surely it’s safer to stick to a smaller family?

Surely safe would be none at all?

We've had unexpected things happen but we did get through - more money and support would have made it easier to do but we still go through and kids weren't adversly affected.

That's a failure on the part of the parent then, not due to the size of the family. I have more than two and a very individual relationship with each and every one of them. I suppose some parents might view and approach their kids as a collective. I always saw them as individuals.

Sharing a room isn't always a bad thing.
My girls love it.

Two feels right for us. With the economic challenges facing this generation really glad we not spread even thinner.

three or more is too many