Nothing for Mothers Day (first as a single parent)

Buy yourself something lovely! That’s what I used to do.

But what's stopped the teenager getting one himself?

YANBU and I’m surprised at some of these responses. It’s the ex’s job and responsibility. I organise presents from the kids for my ex on Christmas, his birthday and Father’s Day. Not because I like my ex, I’m glad to see the back of him, but because it’s the right thing to do for the kids, and for him.

My ex has the kids EOW which includes this weekend. So I haven’t seen my kids today and they have sent me a message to say happy Mother’s Day. But I haven’t had a card or present. It’s not acceptable and it’s upsetting. It’s not about the money, I just would have liked him to take them to Tesco and pick a cheap card and a bar of chocolate.

I’m sure there will be people who tell me not to bother for Father’s Day in return. I will though because it’s the right thing to do and I want to teach my kids that.

My kids are too old for the cute cards at school but not old enough to organise / sort something themselves.

I'm sorry this happened OP. I do think your teen could have arranged something though and it is unfair being out all day with friends - though to be fair to them, they may have thought Saturday was in place of mothers day. I dont think you should rely on an ex (and if he doesnt help for you, dont help for him). I personally would expect my own parents as grandparents to help my children when too young to do something themselves because theyre my parents so love me. I'd expect to give them some pocket money for it. If I didnt have parents or a friend to help, I would give my kids some money, go to a supermarket and let them choose things and buy them but try not to peek.

Glad you got a card from your younger one. Your teen should have done something too- maybe prompt him yourself next year if he’s likely to forget. I wouldn’t expect your ex to be involved.

A decent ex would give them a nudge.
It’s probably quite rare though 💐

Sorry you didn't get anything from your teen. You have 2 options for all these types of events going forward. 1 you accept you won't get anything and be disappointed, or shocked if you did,. Or 2 you teach them to make an effort, take DC to the shop ask them to get you something and you will pay etc but they must choose it, or ask them to make you a card etc.

I would opt for 2, not only is it teaching them to be kind and think of others on such days Id do it for Xmas days etc too they should also buy for siblings you are teaching them to do what ex has likely always just taken over and done for them. They are kids they don't know especially if they have never had to think, it's possible they feel bad they had nothing to give or anyway to buy it.

My teen has ASD so I am used to having to teach things explicitly, but it still always surprises me when people say teens are old enough to organize these things themselves . Teens will only do these things if they are taught to do them.

It would be great if your ex was the kind of coparent to take the initiative. If he isn’t, then teach your teen this behavior. Even give him a bit of money and instructions on what to do at Mother’s Day, your birthday, and Christmas. Eventually he will learn to do it independently.

Surely he’s always been really good with stuff like this and cards and gifts from the kids when you were still together - now you are separated he won't be doing the same

I think this is a signal that he doesn't want to continue with gift exchanges and you should respect that.

I know my husband would consider it quite intrusive if his ex bought him gifts. I have that in hand.

Ex never buys me anything off (young) ds for Mother’s Day. I always buy something small off ds for him for Father’s Day.

He was a greedy bastard whilst married and never bought a Mother’s Day gift then so not surprising.

Glad you got to have a good day with your family yesterday OP. I remember being upset the first single parent Mother’s Day but I’ve gotten used to it now.

Your teen should have been thoughtful and asked ex or his grandparents if they could give him some money to buy one, or used his pocket money/any savings he has. I know teenagers are generally pretty selfish but he’s old enough to think of something like that now, also would have been nice of him not to spend the day with his mates.

I hope you're surprised tomorrow OP.

My DH always took his children to buy something for their Mum, even though it wasn't an amicable divorce and she wouldnt have dreamed of returning the favour on father's day. But then he's a decent human.

I think mother's day has become too much pressure and I say that as a single mum of 2 who are likely to get me a card. It has become so commercialised that it has gone beyond simple appreciation and leaves mother's like yourself and perhaps those who are estranged/bereaved lost and sad. I want to celebrate my fortune of being a mum but not feel unloved or uncared for simply because I don't get a card or a gift as this is not important in the grand scheme of things.

You've got the best mothers day present ever in yiur child so use this time and day to do something special together doesn't even have to cist you anything the memory will last a lifetime I had many yrs with no gifts other than what they made me in school and this was worth way more than what money could buy a day that passes you'll never have back so go do something fun and create a memory because that should mean what mothers day is all about not ribbons gifts and bows

YANBU at all to feel however you feel

However, your ex isn’t going to facilitate mothers’ day for you. If your teen thinks of it, great. If not, meh!

You’ve had a nice celebration with your Mum and Dad so that’s something (albeit you organised it).

My youngest has gone hiking with the scouts overnight so I’ve told him my present is for him to try to be careful and not have to go to a and e!

Eldest and I had a lovely walk today so that’s a nice thing too.

My ex and I haven’t been on the best terms for years. He can be quite inconsiderate and not very supportive. I’ve noticed though that if our son (neurodivergent teen) stays with him in the days just before my birthday or Mother’s Day, he usually comes home with a card. My ex has an older daughter from a previous relationship who’s around a lot, so I get the sense she’s probably the one reminding my son. Outside of that, over the years as a single parent, my mum, my sister, or my friend have sometimes picked up cards on Kids behalf for me, which I really appreciate.

I don't mean to sound harsh but it's a holiday for kids to buy you something cos you're their mum. I usually get what I want cos I explicitly tell people my expectations. I would have told my teen look it's mother's day and you're the older brother and man of the house now. You need to take your little brother to get a gift and make a special occasion out of it for him. Or I would have taken my toddler to the shops and said it's mother's day what do you want to get me with this budget/what would you like to bake for me today for mother's day and we'll do it together?

Unless you have a very amicable relationship with your ex, no, he's not going to get you presents anymore.