AIBU to think our 18 year olds should work instead of wasting away weekends?

My kids both went to grammar schools so a high achieving cohort. The schools were always telling parents that kids who do other activities in addition to school actually perform better than those who do nothing but study. That’s because most teenagers can’t study all the time and with no other structure in their lives they end up wasting time. If you’re a bit busier you’re more efficient and choose the social things you really want to do.

I don’t get this. Education isn’t a job. She thought they would be much busier than they are with their studies. It’s not unreasonable to think they should get a part time job. OP may have worked 40+ hours this week, no one at college / uni is attending 40+ hours. She also has likely (statistically)

done a lot of hours cleaning and cooking and driving these adults around.

It is. I have interviewed dozens of candidates and having a PT job alongside good grades shows resilience and hard work. It also gives you a work reference. Am I missing something? How could showing you can be punctual and reliable alongside studying be a bad thing? No one is suggesting they work 20 hours a week or anything radical. 4 hours a week in your local takeaway or 8 hours in a supermarket shouldn’t be impacting studies massively if you’ve got time to go to the pub etc.

I personally think they should have jobs or at least have tried to get one. I think working an 8 hour shift on a Sat or a Sun would be enough to see the value of earning and how long it takes to make enough to buy a pint! At the same time it would still give them a full day off for relaxing and socialising. Because you decided this as a couple I don’t think you can really moan that they’ve had a bit of a jolly weekend, especially as it sounds like a bit of an anomaly. I definitely think it’s time to revisit the conversation as to when they’re expected to get jobs as assumedly you’re paying for all these excursions? You get to change your mind about something sometimes, especially when you’ve had time to see that the school work isn’t quite as intense as it might have seemed. I struggled to get my son into work and then he started not attending college anyway even though I had gone easy on him, needless to say it became an issue.

I assure you that’s not how the world works anymore. Maybe 70 years ago, but not now.

I'm afraid I'm in camp 'have a job'

Both mine have worked since age 14. Started in menial roles in hospitality, then waiting, cheffing, bar work, front of house. DD (20) was away doing A levels plus horse which she trained and competed alongside, so worked during holidays (cleaning, waitressing), got top A levels and now in uni with three jobs alongside and a CV as long as her arm (she commutes to uni). DS (18) less academic but learning a trade via college and employment but still working his casual job in evenings alongside.

It's perfectly doable (study and work) for those that want to 'do' and life is expensive. Their employability is hugely enhanced because they demonstrate a work ethic and commitment. Their social life is too...they can afford nights out, new clothes, to run their cars...I don't feel these are my responsibility so if they want them, down to them!

Traditionally people don’t spend the weekend doing things related to their job/school but perhaps you should take up a second job over the weekends and set an example.

Not necessarily much easier. My DC didn't have a problem getting jobs during the holidays.they didn't work during term time.

It depends on where they live. If they are in an area where they can't get any work during the 3 months of summer then they probably won't be able to get a Saturday job either.

Ds1 & ds2 didn’t have part time jobs but they did do a lot of musical activities which involved evenings and weekends both through school and outwith. They both got reasonable grades, went to university and now have good jobs in their careers of choice.

Ds3’s musical activities were curtailed by Covid and he started working 15+ hours a week from the week before his 16th birthday. He had to get special permission to to start the training as he wasn’t 16 on the start date. He worked there for 2 years part time and more than a year full time enabling him to pay for driving lessons, a new car and goodness only knows how many new clothes and was able to save a significant amount before he moved on. He also got outstanding exam results! He also has a good job in his chosen field.

So, basically, I’m not sure if it makes any difference one way or the other unless they are bleeding you dry. It’s a shame they appear to be wasting their money but I suppose that’s their choice. We had no financial help to give ours except a free roof over their heads until they were ready to go. Yours sound as if they will be successful in the long term so I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

Hold on, so THIS weekend has been fairly intense socialising, how doe sthat translate into wasting weekends plural?

I don't think your unreasonable. It was very normal 20 years ago when I was at college for students to have part time jobs. All of my friends did. What has changed in society that teens no longer do this? I would expect my child to be looking for a part time job once she turns 16. If they want to drive a car they need money to run it and going out to the pub costs money. I wouldn't finance that for her. A few hours in a shop is good social connection and earning their own money is a good life lesson.

I guess you’re the one giving the money for them to buy tickets and paying for dinner ?

if they can waste all those hours ; then there’s no reason why they can’t find part time jobs over the weekend

Do they not need R&R? Down time is important, work/life balance is important.

This sounds like the issue to me.

It's great that they've saved some of it. If mine had the good fortune to be gifted a five figure sum of money at 18 I'd have suggested they save at least half of it and enjoy spending the rest.

And when they do finally enter the world of work they probably won't be able to retire till they're gone 70 the way things are going so they might as well enjoy themselves before they do.

I think they should do what they want and deal with the consequences. If they want additional stuff, they need to work. If they want to live in genteel poverty, they can stay in bed

The title of this thread made me think they'd been home all weekend on their phones.
Sounds like they are just 18yos enjoying life. You told them they didn't need to get jobs!

Same (not sure about the bikinis). DC 16 finally got a pt job after many, many applications. Loves the job and learning so much about work, dealing with people etc. I gave him a lot of support to get a job as I feel it is so beneficial.

Entirely possible to learn responsibility and value for money without having a pt job in termtime.

They should be working yeah. But at this point so close to exams it seems to be the wrong moment to push it.

It was the norm to have a pt job, I don't really think much about it and still had loads of free time, especially in the holidays when I worked more.

Most 17 and 18 year olds I know do work, many in bars and have a good social life with colleagues.

If you work one sat night a week still lots of time free, plus holidays. It does give a sense of responsibility and value for money so I don't understand why so many seem against it. Also at that age jobs can be fun 😁

Being dismissive of their down time is a bit off whether they're working or not. They shouldn't need to be doing work or school 7 days a week.

I never had a Saturday job or part time while at school. That didn’t stop me from being employed for 31years of my life.

Let them enjoy themselves, they’ll be working till they drop in the future anyway.

One of yours must be very close in age to my DS then who was the 2020 GCSE year

Probably the way to do it. One was too busy with tough A levels, one was 16 during the pandemic.
It hasn't stopped them getting grad job offers though.