AIBU to think our 18 year olds should work instead of wasting away weekends?

Exactly my philosophy and my parents . Mine won’t even whilst at uni be working, just as I didn’t. Fun times!

Having time to "waste" on ONE weekend does not mean you have capacity to work EVERY weekend (which is what an employer would want).

Let them have some time off. My DS did work on Sunday mornings through sixth form, did four A'levels and frankly burnt out before exams.

Personally I don’t agree with the obsession with DC being down a mine as early as possible.

A levels/IB is a full time job as it is- or certainly should be if they want to get top grades.

In any event, they have their whole lives to work until 100.

Their exams start in six weeks, so I think they are wrong to not do any studying at all for a whole weekend. Most people who want to do well would have their heads down at this point.

I do think you're unreasonable thinking they should have a job at this stage though.

If I were you, I would strongly encourage them to do some studying this weekend and remind them that they only get one chance to show what they can do, whereas there will be many other sporting events. Also remind them that their futures will be greatly affected by these exams. Your DH clearly isn't going to remind them of these facts, so you'll have to.

There's no reason why they can't study and watch some sport this weekend. I would be very displeased with the whole weekend off given how close the exams are.

I did the IB a decade ago. Couldn't fit work around it (especially with the CAS requirement) like my peers who did A-levels could. CAS began to taper off around this point in Year 13 as it got closer and closer to exams - which iirc are a little earlier than A-level exams.

I wouldn't be panicking that they're not working. Even a decade ago it was getting harder and harder to find part time work - I remember applying to work at Next in the Christmas sales and failing some sort of obscure psychometric test they'd given me. Didn't stop me finding gainful part-time and later full-time employment at university and beyond.

Your children or step children?

So you agreed something

and then literally in final weeks before exams, you’re getting pissy about it

It’s like you begrudge your hard-working teens some time off. That’s a really odd attitude for a loving parent to have.

Because they've had one weekend off to relax? Do you work every day? Do you want your 18yr olds to burn out?

You think your kids are lazy because they’re not working intensely 7 days a week? Bloody hell. Are they literally not allowed a break?

One of my kids has just started a graduate job. They are stressed and tired, working all hours for not huge amounts of pay and worrying about their job at the weekend. Let’s eat teenagers relax a bit. Once you enter the world of work, it can be pretty relentless and soul-destroying, especially at the beginning. Having seen my child go through this, I would say that let 18-year-olds relax if they can afford it, before the serious world of work starts!

DD didn't work during school time purely because it is basically impossible to get a job here unless you know somebody who knows somebody. She also had 15 hours face-to-face school lessons, she was expected to work 15 extra hours pre-reading and homework, coursework plus extra revisions for the mocks and tests. That's basically a full working week any adult has.

She also had hobbies 2 evenings, did volunteering with the Scouts. I didn't mind if she spent half a Saturday in bed or watched television.

After A levels before uni, she did basically replaced my cleaner. She did the cleaning,ironing, shopping and all kind of jobs around the house.

My DD is 16 and works two Saturdays a month and 3 hours one week night each week. College as extended diploma plus 300 hours of voluntary work. She has chronic fatigue and it can be hard but that's life.

It is possible.

DS 19 also worked from 16, he worked every Saturday plus one week night. Still does now he's at uni and actually works more hours and nearer to full time in the holidays.

If you let them sit on their arses they will.

My DD is 18 and at college all week which she drives 30 miles there and back 5 days a week and she's a carer in her spare time. She gets every other weekend off from her job. She is absolutely burnt out if she doesn't get some free time and she's not doing as much in education. Imagine being in work all week then you getting a second job on top for all weekend, by the time Monday comes round you would be wanting a day off.
I'm with PP if you can't waste time and go to the pub now at 18 when can you? Let them have a bit of a life whilst they are young.

It's not just the CAS, it's the IAs (independent assessments) on top of it that are killing the IB kids round here. So hard for them and they can take so much time. My dd is doing the IB diploma and there is no way I'd want her giving up her top grades for a Saturday job. Very rare she's just flopping around for a weekend anyway.

Exactly

I don’t think they are wasting away their weekends.
Theyve been to a party, going to a pub, going to a football match. It’s socialising. It’s LIVING.
I really thought your post was going to be about how they just sleep all day and game/watch tv all night.

That said though, a Saturday job wouldn’t hurt. I worked in a shop from being 16, to make my own money. I did 8 hours every Saturday and still had enough energy to socialise Saturday night and do nice things on a Sunday. A balance is good.

Yabu. They are in full time occupation -education.

Good for them!

Sounds like they needed the downtime and fun to decompress

Give them a break, they'll spend the rest of their lives working

It’s a really tricky balance and I can’t say we have got it right either.

daughter 18 has always had a job , paperround, then Saturday at a hair dresser, then washer up in a pub moving to bar work that she does currently.

she was motivated as we didn’t really do any pocket money/ pay for things (occasionally we would fund a trip or day out if she had put to it )

she does have a great work ethic that I’m really proud of, but tbh she works to much , and now she’s 18 I have little say in it.

she’s fortunate really as she isn’t doing a levels , but a level 3 at college, and providing she finishes all her assignments she will be done in about 3 school weeks.

but she looks shattered. She is used to picking up extra shifts and the money it brings, and does pay for her own car ( all of it ) but would struggle to manage without her nearly full time wage.

I gently suggested she did a few less shifts to finish her college work, she took a day off and disappeared out with her mates till 4 in the morning - so I have learned my lesson on that one.

for the most part I don’t think there is much we can do once they hit 18, and I have a feeling that a lot of people struggle with this period of time - we have to try remember that they are adults, but it’s really hard !

obviously yours can only go out all weekend if they are funded , so that’s something you need to decide if you are happy doing. It sounds like a bit less might motivate them to find a job (and there are pt jobs out there for them) - but who knows if that will help.

we are also very aware of not rocking the boat while we try hang on until uni/ next steps!

Maybe get them each to organise meal at the weekend/do some chores.
I wish my parents had taught me how to do housework. They did at least have me cooking meals for the family by my mid teens

I suspect your lack of interest in sport is driving your perception.

It sounds like they are lovely sociable children getting a good balance in their lives.

Is it every weekend?

I think it’s tricky as they need downtime if study is quite intense.