AIBU to think parents decorating brother’s new house is overstepping?

It sounds like its infantilising rather than overstepping. I'd hate it if my parents had done that, and would find it incredibly unattractive if I was the girlfriend, but if he's happy and they're happy just leave them all to crack on.

He has a job, a GF, keeps fit, has bought a house, cleans his house, has done some decorating…..seems fine to me.

It is lovely that your parents are helping him.

We have so much more time than our adult children who busy building careers and lives so if they want our help, we give it. It’s what happy, healthy families do. We struggled to do it all alone, with shit parents and never want our children to feel so alone.

You sound unhappy in some way. Not everything has to be made hard by others to teach them a lesson. Be happy for your brother. Be happy that you have such supportive parents. You and your brother are lucky, I’d love to have that.

It’s not overstepping if both your parents and your brother are happy!

Just because you think he should do it on his own, that’s pretty irrelevant.

I dream of people doing things like this for me.

Helping with decorating if mutually agreed, fine. Overstepping would be if he hadn’t agreed and they came and did it whilst he was at work.

Bring hopeless and not being able to cope with admin etc and normal adult life decisions and then doing that for him is not good and if I was the girlfriend I would be running for the hills.

Does he do his own cooking, laundry?

When my ds 25 bought a house I decorated it.
I can wallpaper and he can't. Pretty simple decision to help out.
He's still my dc however old. Why would I not want to make his life a bit easier? Are you pissed they don't help you out?

I know they are just trying to be nice but he is very naive and I worry they aren’t letting him learn by not cutting the apron strings. He didn’t even know you had to buy a stamp to post a card fgs! They get very angry at me when I try and suggest they let him do things for himself.

He has a stready GF, works and own his own house so I don't think he's been stunted.

DH has an uncle who was thwarted by his parents getting independence - he move out for a while but they soon had him back under their roof one GF who got chased off - stopped going at as parents waited up till he was home even in his 30s. He eneded up giving up work and spending over a decade caring for them to be left very alone. There a less drastic story in my family - more independce but never moving out his house.

I don't think any good will come of you saying anything to him or them - there all happy with situation it's you not directly affected who seems annoyed and trying to tell them all how they should be behave and how they should relate to each other - which is frankly overstepping.

He’s single but got a steady girlfriend he’s been with for a year or so.

Huh?

Since he’s happy for them to do it, I would say it’s not overstepping.

Agree with this. It’s a huge overstep for someone who hasn’t invited it but seems like the brother is happy to sit back and let them get involved.

Its my idea of hell but each to their own

I have two adult children one of them has health problems so we have done cleaning, decorating and general DIY for them they are single without children. The other one is married with children and would be horrified if we suggested doing this for them, but we do childcare for them instead. Each has different “needs” and we help them both in the way that they need, isn’t it what parents do if they are able?

If he's happy with it then they are not overstepping
Many years ago when I moved my parents came to visit specifically to help me decorate etc. When we moved to this house they visited just to sort out the garden. They offered both times and I very much appreciated their help

Your parents seem really kind.
I shake my head at how naive I was when I bought my first house/ car/ raising kids. Of course he will learn

Your parents sound lovely. Absolutely nothing wrong with helping adult children ,as long as it’s appreciated. Do you think parents’over step’ the mark helping with childcare,building ikea furniture ,gardening,taking washing home if adult children are going on holiday etc to help their adult children as long?
It’s normal family life.

I'm not the kind of person who can just let other people be the managers of my household. This would drive me mad. It feels like someone coming to my house and looking after my kids everyday. But some people like that.

We have an issue with dp parents becuase they're overbearing and controlling. But they've recently become close with a couple our age who love it. They dont work, they live next door but literslly only sleep in their own house, they do chores for them, spend all day every day with them. PILs decorated their bedroom for them and it looks identical to MILs, identical. PILs love having control over someone's lives. And this couple love not having to be in charge of their own lives. I couldn't stand it and I find it so strange that adults are happy like that but it makes them all happy so whatever, leave them to it.

Have you got your own place too. Do they help you or do you not want help.

If your brother is happy and they are happy to do it then it's all fine and frankly nothing to do with you.

I don't think it's a normal amount - but then my family wouldn't be doing this but if everyone involved is happy then don't see a problem. Future DP of your brother may have issues with involvemement level but again that would be for them to negotiate.

Would they ever offer to do the same for you or is it a boy/Golden child scenario?

Maybe he is not a very confident at DIY so has asked for help.

Has he ever done anything by himself?
It's nice to help, but if he actually never does or does anything by himsepf, they are setting him up for failure later in life and live in relationship... Is that what you mean?

Good point

He sounds like a golden child. Or a manchild. Possibly both. Just let it go. It won't matter what you say.

if your brother is happy for them to do this, then there’s no issue, is there?