AIBU to think parents decorating brother’s new house is overstepping?

He could be a man child yes, however your question is about your parents overstepping the mark which is a no as he has asked them to help.

I personally wouldn't want to be with someone who's mum wanted to decorate "our" house but this isn't the case as he's bought it himself.

I get it OP, I think. My brother is like this, my mother, especially, seems to believe that men need more help with these things. The expectations of me
over him are huge, he just sits back and lets it happen despite them being very old. I’ve tried to raise it in the past but they evidently treat us the same so I don’t bother and I don’t let it get to me. However I also set firm boundaries, I don’t let
them expect more of me. I do what I tbink is right for me. Ignore it OP, you won’t change it and it will eat away at you.

My parents helped me when I both my houses with decorating etc and yes did tip runs, they did the same for my sisters

Friends have done the same for their kids

He has a long term GF - their realtionship is also none of your business.

It's not what I was looking for in a partner but equally I was one who decided what I wanted and didn't need potentail future relatives trying to tell me what I wanted.

If you were the GF I'd suggest you have a good think about what you are getting into but you say you are the sister. You are trying to tell you parents how to parent their other child - the other child what help the can and can't accept form their parents and now the GF what she should and shouldn't want in a spouse.

You need to step back -- if your brother keeps losing GF over this and asks you can say something otherwise you are massive overstepping.

Maybe the fact that you are so judgemental and barely seem able to conceal your contempt for your brother is a reason for not having met his girlfriend. You dont sound particularly nice. He probably knows you look down your nose at him. Maybe just worry about your life and not other people's.

I think your analysis is spot on. The stamp thing is 🤯

I voted that you were being unreasonable.

My husband helped both of our sons when they bought their own places. The elder lad was more experienced so it was a project for the two of them. The younger lad, not so much experience, nor was his property the total renovation job that our elder son’s property was, so my husband did things like installing new light fittings, fitting out the
pantry with a really good shelving system, fitting out the fitted wardrobes similarly, replacing curtain poles, etc. Our younger son learned a lot during it, to be honest.

I consider that we were just paying it forward, as my dad would have given my husband a helping hand when he was renovating our own house nearly 40 years ago.

So this is actually “I resent that my parents are helping my brother out.”

Entirely your problem.

I'd be thrilled, and I was, when my parents helped me and my husband with decorating and getting the garden in order in a new house. But I think there is a broader issue where I do agree with you. There is a difference between adults helping each other and parents enabling their adult children in a way that means they can't cope with the admin of life independently. It sounds like they are tipping into the latter. There isn't much you can do about it though.

I can remember having my head in my brothers oven, cleaning it with mum. They bought a flat together and mum would go to their home and clean it once a week, dragging me along in summer holidays. I did kinda ask wtf we were doing there when they were grown men. We stopped not long after that!

Some parents just like to help and that's nice - am sure you'd do it for yours.. but if he's a giant man child, no won't do him any favs. If your brother is still looked after too much compared to you, take it as a complement? That they know you are a capable person and kicks ass.

It's not overstepping if he welcomes it, the definition of overstepping is stepping over someone's boundaries.

But maybe his girlfriend doesn't care

If I was his girlfriend, him needing his parents' help so much instead of being an adult and doing a lot of this stuff himself would be a turn-off. Not saying parents can't help at all, but at 30 I'd expect him to take more responsibility than this. It doesn't sound like he's the main driver in getting things done in his life, and he should be. It's nice to have parents over to potter and help with a bit of DIY and decorating, and also nice to have the voice of experience to consult, but that's all.

If he gets married, I wonder if they'll go with him to choose the marital bed, like in Sex and the City when Charlotte's MIL went along with her and Trey, and they all lay down on it together, LMAO!

He didn’t even know you had to buy a stamp to post a card fgs!

well this is odd. And you say he has a full time busy job?

Everyone but @Firewizard who seems to be very very put out!

I went away for the week on holiday and came back to find my downstairs toilet replaced, retiled and painted. My dad had organised and paid for it as a surprise! At least your brother is aware of what is happening!

If they are happy it is fine. You.sound jealous tbh.

Why would it be overstepping if everyone is happy?

Basically everyone included had family help declaring their first home to some degree.

Why are you interfering with your brother's relationship with your parents. it's none of your business.

If both sides are ok with this, then it's fine. Wouldn't be for me though, at a younger age I bought my first home and dealt with solicitor on my own and I actually wanted to do it up myself. The only thing I did ask is if my Dad could return with me for a second viewing.

I wouldn't have this, ever.
But, if he's happy with it....

@Firewizard Were you an independent 'me do it' sort of child who did things by themselves and preferred that whilst he was a 'you do it' child who was happy for someone else to dress/feed him?

I think it's pretty normal for parents to help adult children in decorating/DIY/gardening/ car maintenance/ childcare.

If one side has the skills and the other doesn't then why not work together to pass on those skills? Why watch someone struggle.

Some people (including me) might prefer to do it themselves, even if they make a terrible job of it (definitely me) but that's mostly because I'm an awkward sod who hates being told what to do or decisions being made for me.

Others are more sanguine and can cope with instruction/advice. It does depend on whether it's a mutual thing and that your brother is choosing the paint/paper etc himself rather than being railroaded in their decisions.

Ok you’re jealous. That they are doing all this for him. And you need to get on top of that, it is never over stepping when both parties are happy and in agreement, your jealous and sibling rivalry shouldn’t stop them

sorry but you’re going to have to get over it.