AIBU to think parents decorating brother’s new house is overstepping?

So they are happy to do it and he is happy they are doing it.

And you think this is problematic?

My mum and dad gave my so much help with cleaning and DIY when I bought my first house alone. I was so grateful. I wouldn’t have asked or expected it. I think some parents do love to help. But I’d feel bad if they were doing it when I wasn’t there. And I think we’d probably all help each other in the same way - I took a day off work to help my brother move house because they had little kids and a lot to do. But it’s more that we all muck in rather than anyone is incompetent like your worry re your brother….

Your parents aren’t overstepping

your brother is taking advantage of them

I think you have used wrong wording. Its not overstepping as your brother wants your parents to do it.

Perhaps more overly involved.

A friend of mine has a son who is a highly trained professional and just was intimately involved in all aspects of his house purchase _ it was bizarre! Helping with decorating I can see, but I would expect him to help. But the over protection of adult children is so odd to me.

I think your issues about your parents and brother could probably benefit with talking it through with a professional!

Meanwhile… they no doubt enjoying decorating their son’s new pad and he’s enjoying being at the gym… blissfully unaware that sissy is in a mood

They get very angry at me when I try and suggest they let him do things for himself.

if anything you’re overstepping by trying to interfere like this!

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHERAnd therein lies the problem, because his next partner will be handed that gauntlet.

Trey MacDougal vibes

Yup…. Thought so 😀

@Itisreallynobother Oh bless your heart. You got the paid version so you can snoop ❤️

He’s 53 and still lives with them. Each to their own.

Well, as long as he fully appreciates it…

Ages ago, but I still remember being appalled when my in laws had been at youngest BiL’s new place for hours - FiL doing the garden, MiL doing various jobs, plus finishing off the curtains she’d made for him and hanging them.

BiL came home from work, said he was off straight away to play tennis, didn’t thank them or offer to make them a cup of tea.

I do that for my youngest DD. However she is autistic and works as much as she can, so I take over were necessary so she isn't overwhelmed. I do childcare for my middle DD, practically co-parent and do housework. My eldest doesn't need me to do anything except put her Christmas tree up. My sister does house/pet/building work sitting for her. I know a couple who have done, what your brother does, from his Mum, they are both ok with it. Each to their own.

No, a much loved son who parents are happy to be in his life and who is happy for them to be involved. A bit like my relationship with my parents (thank you, Mym, for making my curtains!!). But clearly I must be a girl child!!

You couldn’t be more wrong, but did she hit a nerve for you?

Let me guess @Ladybyrd , you have a brother and your parents do lots for him?

You sound incredibly jealous - throwing out the ‘I don’t behave as such as I am an adult’ Phrases. Do you not like him? Do you suspect they’ve given him money to buy the house or something?

It sounds very much as if (at least at this stage) this isn’t the girlfriend’s home and they live separately. She definitely sounds like a girlfriend rather than a partner. As other people have said it isn’t overstepping because he’s happy with it. The initial post saying he is single but has a long term girlfriend sounds as if it does describe the situation as he sees it.

OP, please keep in mind that the people calling you unreasonable are probably overstepping in their own children’s lives too.

31 🤦‍♀️

Without a wider picture it's impossible to know but from your example it does sound like there could be a level of enmeshment.

It's one thing to counsel and support your adult children - that's s lovely and a great family dynamic. Its something else completely to take the reins and do all the planning, actioning, chasing up, etc! And actually not that supportive in the long run. Like you said, working through a big event provides valuable learning and development opportunities which your brother has now missed out on!

Not overstepping at all if your brother is happy for them to do this.

Whether this makes him a ‘man child’ or not is a separate debate.

But if your mum and dad are retired and have time on their hands and your brother is otherwise busy, then it sounds like both parties are happy with the arrangement. And as you state they would have done this for you, had you wanted, I don’t see how it affects you.

Keep your hair on sweetheart it’s a common turn of phrase on here.

Nobody asked you about your vagina 🙄

I was the gf in this situation and it ended with grandma picking out all the colour scheme then having a key cut and visiting weekly to cleans. Good luck to her is all I can say! 31? Absolutely overstepping to an unhealthy degree.