AIBU to feel upset partner expects me to buy my own Mother’s Day gift?

I hope you didn't, and never have, bought the gifts for HIS mother. As others have asked, is this normal behaviour from him?

I would buy myself a gift with his money but tell him to sort his own mum out. Why should you do it?
The gift I'd get myself would be a spa day on his next day off so he can look after the children. If he doesn't like it, well tough, he should have brought you something.
I am serious about this.
Long term do you want to stay with a man who can't even be bothered to buy you a card? The fact he hasn't bothered to buy his mum anything suggests he has absolutely no respect for women. Just because you've been together for a long time doesn't mean you have to stay with someone who's so horrible. You deserve better.

Honestly OP, you're better than this, you deserve better than this.

Why is the bar so low? My mam taught all of us girls to know our worth & how we expected people to treat us. If you didn't have this crucial guidance, that's been hard, but you can decide NOW to raise your bar. You deserve to be happy.

Agree but I def think these holidays show a lot of partners/dh's for what they are, in the way they expect someone else to buy and pick the gifts for their own parents, yet dont treat their own spouse or partner at all.

Normally these holidays dont bother me but your birthday and just the lack of respect towards you is awful. You deserve better. Have you sat down and told him how you feel?

Has he always been this way? Like you're together 20 years... has he never got you a birthday card? You have 4 kids, has he ignored every other mothers day so far?

Oh yeah, OP yanbu, he sounds like a prize twat

I have no tolerance for joy sucker's like this life is to short.

Now that's a GREAT idea!

Cards with REAL mums, not sickly sweet clichés, flowers, cupcakes and handbags (ffs who designs the shitty things?).

I'd buy one!

Not for me. And my DM died when i was in my 20s.

If my DH expected me to sort his DM”s mother’s day gifts there would be hell to pay in this house.

Mothering Sunday is an historic event, not a hallmark day. The kind of bloke who OP is saddled with is probably useless most of the time. It just appears more clearly on special days.

Exactly! What about all the mum’s who always have a lovely day? Aren’t they allowed to enjoy the day because others don’t? Ridiculous suggestion.

If you were the hired help you’d get paid. You are the free housekeeper , nanny and bang maid.

Please don’t have another baby with him and think really really hard about what he adds to your life. if the answer is “ he’s a great dad” then he would continue to be a great dad and have the kids 50:50 of you split up, right ?

What a funny thing to say. I guess it depends on the size of the cheque and I'd rather chose my own gift.

Of course I have my own money but the cheque is from his account. It would be daft if he gave me a cheque from mine!

Get his bank card from him and tell him you’re going to do as he asked and get yourself and his mother’s gifts.

Take your passport, collect his Mum and book on the next flight to a sunny destination. FaceTime from said sunny destination and let his mum give him the bollocking of his life when she hears he didn’t even get you a birthday card. Prick. If he ever dares to treat you that way again, leave!

The solution is easy and obvious, do it back to him.
Don't get him any cards. When he askes you to get his mum presents/cards smile and nod but don't actually do it. If he complains then you shrug and change the subject.
Stop being his slave. Treat him exactly as he treats you but with extra neglect added in to make up for all the times you've been nice when he hasn't.

This. What an arse.

I would very clearly tell him I won’t be doing his shopping for him for his mum.

Please don’t tell us you have gone part time/given up work to look after his kids?

A cheque from your own husband or a tenner in a card sounds so miserable!
Why all the cheques, did you not have access to your own money?

I hope you don't buy him cards or gifts for birthday, Xmas, fathers day etc. if you do, then stop doing it.

Why stop a lovely day for many because some women have shit partners or kids?
Should we cancel birthdays too?

Well OP, you definitely know what to do on Father's Day.......tell him to go and buy his own too!
He's a selfish twat.

Tell him how upset you are that he can't be bothered to get anything for the mother of his four children and he can sort his own mother's gift out

Can we drop all this mothers day nonsense.

Every year, mum's are sad, mad, angry for a variety of reasons.
Hallmark card days get in the bin.

Hmm. Our DC are grown up. When they were little he supervised card/gift buying, with reminders.

Valentines: we agreed early on he coukd give me a tenner (now twenty), and I'd buy flowers a day later, when they were reduced.

Birthdays: I get a card and a cheque.

Christmas: Perfume and a cheque

I'm happy with it.

He doesn’t even need to leave the house to buy gifts and cards, has he not heard of Amazon or other means of online deliveries. I’d match his energy and ignore his birthday etc.

Was this the first year he didn’t acknowledge any of these special days for you or has he always been an uncaring, lazy excuse for a partner? Did you speak to him about it at the time or just accept he doesn’t think you are important? Do you make an effort for his birthday or Valentine’s Day?
I know it’s not considered helpful on here to ask why a woman stays with and has ever more kids with an unpleasant/lazy/financially abusive etc man because you are where you are but I often think it….. why is your self esteem so low that you are willing to accept this treatment?
Tel him to take his lazy arse out to buy his own mother some flowers and help the kids choose something for you, modelling this behaviour to them until they are old enough to do it themselves. I know you are not his mother but he should be acknowledging the huge amount you do to keep your family unit going in the years whilst you are in the trenches with little kids.