DG annoyed about pregnancy worries raised while he was gaming

TBH I think @GrubbyHouse1 your first step is to do a test to rule it in or out and progress from there.

Re DH, two issues: 1) you say he is nearly 50 so I can understand the brain fart when being told there may be another child on the way even if he handled it badly. If you are not pregnant, you both need to discuss pregnancy prevention with some urgency.

And b) the gaming thing. My YA kids game. It effs me off.

However, the design of many games now mean that if you ‘quit’ before the game is over, you lose a life and any progress in the game is reversed so hours of game play is negated and any skins/weapons/tools you have earned are lost. It also means your ranking is impacted and can, where it is a team game, mean other people are penalised. It is a cynical and nasty ploy to force extended game play (ie create addiction) and gets my goat.

However, what I have agreed with my kids is that dinner is served at x time as a rule and that if this is going to change they get an hour or so’s notice. I also hate this, but it means they HAVE to be at the table when called - so they manage their game play to ensure they do not start new rounds/quests in the period leading up to supper. If they play on and do not arrive on time, they do not get fed.

This is so unattractive and I feel sorry for your kids. What kind of example is he setting?! Sadly all this tech especially smart phones and gaming has made our lives worse. I would think about your future and if you really want a man child as your partner.

Nothing wrong with gaming... it is just as valid as any other hobby (quite amusing to see such an anti-gaming vibe on the first few pages. I imagine that is because most of the posters here are older and still have outdated attitudes to gaming. I work at a uni with 18-22 year old students, and so many of the female students game now - it isn't just a "sad boys" hobby any more.

The issues is entirely how a hobby is treated. It doesn't matter if it was gaming ,golf, fishing, movies, or anything - he put his hobby above your issue.

if it was a trivial issue then yes, he would be justified. No one likes to be interrupted, but obviously this isn't, which is the issue here.

The gaming isn't the issue, its the disrespectful way he talks to you and that he doesn't prioritise you

The most measured and sensible response.

Regarding the gaming - it’s his hobby. Theres nothing wrong with it. Just like you’d be annoyed if he came disturbing you when watching a film. As long as he pulls his weight with the kids and chores, I think it’s fine.
That said, his reaction was childish.
Get yourself a test and find out for sure.

He sounds utterly pathetic and your children can see it.
His comparisons as to how much worse he could be is moronic.
Sorry OP but your bar is really low and it is negatively affecting your children.

Why are you even asking us? Do you not know the answer?

I agree - such an attraction killer

He’s a horror
my ex was awful to me when I was pregnant and told me off it I expressed any feelings or needs especially if he was gaming or in the bath or doing something else for himself (which was all day long) - i don’t miss him.

I'm a woman and game, and have done since I was a teenager. It's a great medium with some fantastic stories. It's not all Fifa. There are some fantastic fantasy RPGs, great puzzle games, thinky colony management games, and so on. I manage maybe 2 hours probably 4 times a week (only if I'm into a game though, I have periods of months where I don't game at all!). I also find it relaxing. HOWEVER I only play once my little girl is in bed, and once I've done all my chores, etc. And if my partner wanted to do something else, I would. I have other hobbies too, such as crochet, painting, DnD, and board games (social group hobby). Just because you game it doesn't mean you have other interests or never go outside lol. I spend all my time outside at the weekend with my toddler. I really really don't get the whole unattractive thing. I don't see how it's any different to bingeing Netflix for 2 hours. It's just that Netflix is more socially acceptable, probably because it's not linked to nerd culture.

Anyway. I'd never dream of being so rude to say no one can talk to me whilst I'm gaming. Like sure, I might say 'just let me finish this part for 5 mins, then I'll be with you', in the same way you might if you were reading a book. But I wouldn't be snapping and kicking off. And if my partner commented they felt emotional/down, I'd stop what I was doing to talk to them.

The problem isn't gaming. It's your husband prioritising gaming over supporting you, and the general rudeness.

YANBU. I can’t stand men (or children for that matter) gaming. Deeply unattractive.

Nah, he's saying he can't focus because all that matters to him is his gaming.

The clue to the importance of gaming above all else in his life is the fact that he's doing it on a weekend, regardless of the fact that he has two young children.

I'm guessing this silly twerp is at least 40?

You are not a gaming snob. You are not the problem here.

You have two young children and he is spending his Saturday completely and willfully isolated in his own little bubble? Because diddums needs to 'relax'?

I hope he'll enjoy his gaming when he ends up in a damp bedsit.

I don’t think it’s particularly important that this man’s hobby is gaming rather than anything else - it’s his sense of priorities which is so off.

Adult men and gaming is a joke, so unattractive, my clam would close so there would be no way my emotional self would be pregnant.

He sounds extremely selfish, immature and not a family man!!

The King of Twatsville.

DId he also piss on his shoes like a toddler when he was throwing a tantrum?

He could, you know, stop playing his game. Because it’s a game. It’s not real life and it’s not important.

Is my son your dh because it sounds just like him so what he’s not down the pub he’s not present is he. They are games not life and death. Omg you must have the patience of a saint to put up with this manchild. Does he also make you knock before entering.

I think whether he pulls his weight or not is a different issue to him gaming.

I'm not a gamer myself but I have other hobbies in the home. I'd be quite irritated if my partner just assumed they could interrupt me when I was smack bang in the middle of something whenever they felt like it, just because I happen to do my hobby in the house.

It's really strange the amount of vitriol that's aimed towards gaming. I don't see the same attitude towards other hobbies like crochet, knitting, or yoga, all of which might also be done in the home. And I'm saying this as someone who doesn't ever game and has no interest in it at all.

If my partner was late occasionally to dinner, I wouldn't have a problem. If it's happening every time/frequently, then that's very different. While it's good to model the right behaviour for children, sometimes there are exceptions to the rules for grownups. Children do need to learn this. I might sit in bed and scroll on my phone until midnight; it doesn't mean my child can do the same!

I think the way to tackle it OP would have been to say to your DH that you want to talk to him about something serious and to let you know when he's free to talk. I don't think launching into a pretty heavyweight conversation while he's in the middle of playing is fair. You acknowledge yourself that you don't like him gaming, and I think that's colouring your response.

As for the rest of it, only you know if he's doing the fair share of the household chores and parenting. You both need equal time for hobbies and relaxing, whatever it is that you both prefer to do.

I hope you're feeling a bit better today. Hormones - pregnancy or perimenopausal - are an absolute pig to deal with!

But your husband isn’t being an amazing partner is he? He’s trained you to basically keep quiet while he games, he’s late to meals you have cooked because he’s gaming, he’s not engaging with you because he’s gaming, and your son is picking up on this behaviour already. Just being in the house does not mean he is being a present husband and father does it? And him basically saying he could be worse isn’t a ringing endorsement.

I could never have children with a man-child gamer.

Sounds like you need to book a termination, seems like a shit situation to brings kids into. Normal men would have paused the game, had the conversation with you, not gotten rude with you, bc obviously a potential pregnancy is more important than his fucking game. Obviously it’s stressful but you don’t avoid stress by ignoring potential problems, instead he wants you to sit with the stress alone. I’d make the decision for him and terminate as the writing is on the wall for how badly this will go. He’s not mature enough for the responsibility.

The clue is in OPs responses. She's tidying, he's gaming. She's cooking dinner., he's gaming. Doesn't sound like he's only doing it when all the family chores are done, does it.