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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DG annoyed about pregnancy worries raised while he was gaming

135 replies

GrubbyHouse1 · 14/03/2026 12:31

(I meant DH in title. Can't work out how to edit title)

My husband plays video games to relax. Quite a fair bit to be honest. He often says talk to him when he's finished playing which i guess is reasonable as if Im watching a film or something I might feel irritated if he started chatting loads to me about things

But I realised my period is late. We already have two young kids. Im 40. And this last week I've been feeling v emotional - like tearful randomly.

I was just tidying up (sat morning) and said to him (as he was gaming - some gun game) and I said "God you know what the last time I felt so randomly tearful during the day was when I was pregnant with DS2"

And he took off his headphones and said "FFS. You've given me anxiety now. FFS. God. I cant even focus on the game now you've said that. Could you not keep comments like to yoruseld until I've done with the game"

And honestly I felt my last iota of respect for him dry up in a second

But AIBU? Or a gaming snob? Its his hobby so maybe I shouldn't be thinking out loud to him. I said I wanted to share my thoughts and maybe some support would be nice. He said "yeah well I've got my own feelinsh and im much more likely to respond better if you wait till im done gaming"

??

OP posts:
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Naunet · 20/03/2026 08:28

PollyBell · 16/03/2026 06:59

She chose to what could be 3 children with him, it was a choice

Edited
Show quote history

As did he! So why do you think he gets to opt out?

Ignore the rude children/men posting OP, who seem to think you should make dinner around his gaming, because apparently his gaming matters more than the rest of the family. It's pure selfish, immature entitlement.

OrlandointheWilderness · 19/03/2026 08:00

When I call dinner I damn well expect everyone to drop what they are doing and come and eat it. They know I’m cooking, I give them a heads up it’s dinner in X mins and I do not cook for them to see it go cold because they are doing something else - it’s rude and disrespectful.

ElectoralControversy · 19/03/2026 07:56

OP, I notice in your previous post, you say you didnt really want to have sex with him anyway.
How come you did? And did you use contraception?

StrawberrySquash · 19/03/2026 07:44

Late to the dinner table is extremely annoying, but it's also frustrating to immediately jump up when you have a level to finish. Can you give a warning with the expectation then being that there's then no delay when you actually announce dinner.

Busybeemumm · 19/03/2026 07:22

Let him know that you are having serious doubts about the relationship and your future together. The example being set to the children and your interactions as a couple is having an impact on you. Gaming isn't a hobby. A hobby is something you have a specific allocated time to eg play a sport, go to a book club etc.

BudgetBuster · 18/03/2026 22:28

GrubbyHouse1 · 18/03/2026 21:55

I wasn't going a big pregnancy announcement. I was in the same room as him playing the game and said "gosh - do you think i might be pregnant" or somethign like that and he then took offf his headphones and had a go at me for stressing him out during his game. And it made me feel like total shit. He didn't say "god - can you talk about it in a minute" even that would be preferable. his response what to have a go.

I can tell you right now that if DH or DS said something serious (even as an aside) - like "i think i might get sacked' 'i've fallen out with my mother' whatever - i would stop the film and listen. i would never say - can i watch the film before i talk to you.

and i don't think it's controlling to come to dinner when dinner is on the table. not within 5 seconds but not let it get cold. i don't think it's a good example. when the kids are in bed and we eat dinner - we eat it on the sofa and watch telly but with the kids we like try to eat at the table.

anyway - i don't fancy him really - and i struggle to respect him. i can't really helpt that feeling. i jsut need to work out what i'm going to do about it.

Did you take a test @GrubbyHouse1

Original poster
GrubbyHouse1 · 18/03/2026 21:55

I wasn't going a big pregnancy announcement. I was in the same room as him playing the game and said "gosh - do you think i might be pregnant" or somethign like that and he then took offf his headphones and had a go at me for stressing him out during his game. And it made me feel like total shit. He didn't say "god - can you talk about it in a minute" even that would be preferable. his response what to have a go.

I can tell you right now that if DH or DS said something serious (even as an aside) - like "i think i might get sacked' 'i've fallen out with my mother' whatever - i would stop the film and listen. i would never say - can i watch the film before i talk to you.

and i don't think it's controlling to come to dinner when dinner is on the table. not within 5 seconds but not let it get cold. i don't think it's a good example. when the kids are in bed and we eat dinner - we eat it on the sofa and watch telly but with the kids we like try to eat at the table.

anyway - i don't fancy him really - and i struggle to respect him. i can't really helpt that feeling. i jsut need to work out what i'm going to do about it.

OP posts:
Knackered41 · 18/03/2026 19:34

Dontcallmescarface · 18/03/2026 17:07

The manner in which the OP raised the subject was poor. If her partner was playing an online shooting game (Call of Duty/Battlefield/Fortnite etc), then there is no ‘pause’ option. Just let him finish, what’s another 4/5 minutes?

My DP plays shooting games. He has never once not been available when I need him to be present in the real world. If there is no pause option then he just leaves his character to their fate and picks the game up from the beginning of whatever quest/battle was going on, just as he would have to do if they had been killed in battle when DP was playing. To use the "but there's no pause button, I can't possibly give up now" line is a ridiculous excuse for an adult.

Anyone that demands immediate attention for something that isn’t urgent is utterly ridiculous.

This reaction is solely born out of your own dislike for his hobby. Shows how much his interests mean to you.

Your response comes across as controlling as do many of the others here.

GasPanic · 18/03/2026 17:55

I don't think it's unreasonable to have some time off per week where you get to focus on your hobby. Ringing someone up in the middle of them playing squash or when they were focused on some other game wouldn't be seen as reasonable, so why would interrupting gaming ? It's not always that easy to press the pause button if you are in a team game.

The question is more whether or not he spends an appropriate amount of time gaming, rather than the fact that he is unavailable during that time.

If my partner was in the middle of a movie they wanted to watch then I would wait for it to finish before having the serious chat. Not only is it polite to respect each others own time and enjoyment, but also you get better attention that way.

Dontcallmescarface · 18/03/2026 17:07

The manner in which the OP raised the subject was poor. If her partner was playing an online shooting game (Call of Duty/Battlefield/Fortnite etc), then there is no ‘pause’ option. Just let him finish, what’s another 4/5 minutes?

My DP plays shooting games. He has never once not been available when I need him to be present in the real world. If there is no pause option then he just leaves his character to their fate and picks the game up from the beginning of whatever quest/battle was going on, just as he would have to do if they had been killed in battle when DP was playing. To use the "but there's no pause button, I can't possibly give up now" line is a ridiculous excuse for an adult.

BudgetBuster · 18/03/2026 10:54

Knackered41 · 17/03/2026 21:40

There are an awful lot of people down on gaming. God help if the OPs children grew up and liked gaming. Yes, we all hear about the negatives, such as addiction but there are also a lot of positives, both socially and developmentally.

The manner in which the OP raised the subject was poor. If her partner was playing an online shooting game (Call of Duty/Battlefield/Fortnite etc), then there is no ‘pause’ option. Just let him finish, what’s another 4/5 minutes?

OPs issue with not liking gaming is HER issue, not her partners. There always needs to be a base level of respect in any relationship no matter what you think of his/her hobbies. If OP actually asks to chat to address the issue (instead of dropping a bullshit comment) and he was a twat at that point, then she’s entirely justified.

Also, what’s going on with all the time police?
Having a go at people because they don’t get to the dinner table at the specific time you say is kind of dictatorial. She clearly doesn’t respect his time or hobbies, why should he respect some arbitrary time limit. Respect goes both ways.

I'm not down on gaming. My DH (almost 40) is a gamer. But it doesn't get in the way of family life.

The OPs husband plays games whilst she's doing the cooking, cleaning, dealing with the existing kids. There's a time and a place for hobbies or past-times.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 17/03/2026 23:25

Knackered41 · 17/03/2026 21:40

There are an awful lot of people down on gaming. God help if the OPs children grew up and liked gaming. Yes, we all hear about the negatives, such as addiction but there are also a lot of positives, both socially and developmentally.

The manner in which the OP raised the subject was poor. If her partner was playing an online shooting game (Call of Duty/Battlefield/Fortnite etc), then there is no ‘pause’ option. Just let him finish, what’s another 4/5 minutes?

OPs issue with not liking gaming is HER issue, not her partners. There always needs to be a base level of respect in any relationship no matter what you think of his/her hobbies. If OP actually asks to chat to address the issue (instead of dropping a bullshit comment) and he was a twat at that point, then she’s entirely justified.

Also, what’s going on with all the time police?
Having a go at people because they don’t get to the dinner table at the specific time you say is kind of dictatorial. She clearly doesn’t respect his time or hobbies, why should he respect some arbitrary time limit. Respect goes both ways.

An arbitrary time limit? You mean when dinner is ready?

Pinkissmart · 17/03/2026 23:15

Gaming isn’t a hobby, it’s a pastime. Imagine if your ‘hobby ‘ was watching tv or reading a book, and everyone had to wait for dinner until you were done. And then if anyone complains you could shout and say that at least you’re not at the mall shopping the whole time.

His behaviour is awful

Knackered41 · 17/03/2026 21:40

There are an awful lot of people down on gaming. God help if the OPs children grew up and liked gaming. Yes, we all hear about the negatives, such as addiction but there are also a lot of positives, both socially and developmentally.

The manner in which the OP raised the subject was poor. If her partner was playing an online shooting game (Call of Duty/Battlefield/Fortnite etc), then there is no ‘pause’ option. Just let him finish, what’s another 4/5 minutes?

OPs issue with not liking gaming is HER issue, not her partners. There always needs to be a base level of respect in any relationship no matter what you think of his/her hobbies. If OP actually asks to chat to address the issue (instead of dropping a bullshit comment) and he was a twat at that point, then she’s entirely justified.

Also, what’s going on with all the time police?
Having a go at people because they don’t get to the dinner table at the specific time you say is kind of dictatorial. She clearly doesn’t respect his time or hobbies, why should he respect some arbitrary time limit. Respect goes both ways.

Original poster
GrubbyHouse1 · 17/03/2026 19:09

I still haven't tested. I will do. Tomorrow.

He says gaming helps his mental health. I agree that it should be like another hobby...but it isnt. Its so absorbing. And also you have to wait until end of level etc. I hate it. I feel like a right muggins waiting for him to come to table or answer a simple question. He probs just wants time to himself

Problem is the attraction is really going. I didny really want to have sex with him in the 1st place!

OP posts:
Coffeeandbooks88 · 17/03/2026 17:25

Guess we aren't finding out the result of the test then.

Abd80 · 17/03/2026 17:16

Omg this is so so rude !
I would be absolutely outraged also OP

Mere1 · 17/03/2026 17:04

GrubbyHouse1 · 14/03/2026 13:33

He doesnt game all day and he's fairly attentive with kids. But he does run off to play games when he can. A few times recently I've been sat waiting at the dinner table with the kids and hes not joined us until 10 mins after I've said "dinner". And last week my DS1 got down feom the table and said "im not sitting at the table. Daddy's not" and I realised how much trouble we are in here! But he does do his bit round the house mostly. He just says its his hobby saying "i could be down the pub but im staying home and just doing a bit of gaming"

And that is good?!

CommandStrip · 17/03/2026 15:52

Did you test, OP? (Obv not the point of the thread.)

I think sometimes it can be difficult to switch between modes- if you're in the middle of a game (or your favourite TV show or doing the ironing or whatever) and someone hits you with a huge new subject, it can take a few moments to get your head together to respond appropriately. Obviously it would have been much better if he'd put it the other way- asked you to give him a moment to gather his thoughts before responding rather than put it in terms of not being able to focus on the game. Is he a reasonable communicator generally? Any ND? (Sorry to ask- I am ND myself and know that being ND doesn't mean someone behaves like this- but it can be a factor in communication.)

LeaderBee · 17/03/2026 15:06

A bit annoying for him if it was just any random comment but worried about being pregnant and he should have made time to listen to you.

Wineofthemonth · 17/03/2026 15:01

I'm a gamers wife and if my husband had spoken to me like that I would have switched off the power to the PS (I have done this). It is about respect, you where talking about something serious not minor. I would not interrupt an important game for just chit chat, but it is just a game.

PolitePeachStork · 17/03/2026 11:19

Dear OP,
I am sorry that your DH reacted in this way. What did he think could be a possible
outcome to being intimate?

Great - he has a hobby. Good for him(!)
I hope you also have opportunities to explore a hobbies of your own. 🙂

The comment re: “being down the pub” didn’t sit well with me either. It conveys an attitude of: “look how grateful you should be that I am at home, being a (somewhat?) present parent and partner. What a grown-up I’m being…” it also sounded straight out of the 80s or something!
He sounded like a twit.

OP, I hope you get the result you’re hoping for. 🙏

Stressedoutmummyof3 · 17/03/2026 09:26

GrubbyHouse1 · 14/03/2026 13:33

He doesnt game all day and he's fairly attentive with kids. But he does run off to play games when he can. A few times recently I've been sat waiting at the dinner table with the kids and hes not joined us until 10 mins after I've said "dinner". And last week my DS1 got down feom the table and said "im not sitting at the table. Daddy's not" and I realised how much trouble we are in here! But he does do his bit round the house mostly. He just says its his hobby saying "i could be down the pub but im staying home and just doing a bit of gaming"

He might as well be down the pub though as he is there but not present.
My DH games upstairs on Saturday afternoon but he wouldn't if I said I needed him to stay downstairs with our DS. I still find it annoying though as I feel like he's not really present either.
His reaction to you was totally uncalled for and I'd be fuming ( I woke my DH up about 4 I clock in the morning because I was crying so much when I found out I was pregnant with DS and he was much kinder than your DH). Have you done a test yet?
Regardless of the result if you've lost respect for your DP is there much future for your relationship?

Laurmolonlabe · 17/03/2026 08:04

Why would gaming take priority over a life changing event- I would guess it's because it's a life changing event happening to you and he will be gaming rather than pitching in when the workload increases.
You need to tell him how inappropriate this is and discuss how things are going to change- if things are not going to change you may need to look at divorce as an option- you will be doing all the work anyway, if he helps as you imply he does then he needs help for his addiction to gaming, because it is threatening to blow up his life.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 17/03/2026 07:30

Myskyscolour · 14/03/2026 14:24

Why??
My DH is a gamer and an amazing husband and dad.
When I hear my friends complain about their OH spending hours at the pub after work / disappearing at the weekend to play golf or cycle / monopolising the TV to watch sports or coming back drunk when going to watch at the stadium… I’m glad mine has a hobby that is cheap, he can do at home, doesn’t involve alcohol, no risk of injury, can be scheduled around family life, etc.

Show quote history

But her husband isnt scheduling gaming around family life because he is missing meals. That were cooked for him. Op, how much cooking does he do? Would he be accommodating of you not coming to the dinner table when he cooks?

Also, op when he said he could be out drinking in the pub all night, remind him that isnt a hobby. Does he actually do any sports / exercise?

God. I cant even focus on the game now you've said that.
And he should not have wanted to.