VENT .. are all DH like this??

I just find that men generally are not as patient as women are, mine complain about the noise children are making, to me is normal children playing and doesn't bother me.

Maybe you need a hobby that keeps you out of the house till 7, then you can come home and huff about the state of the place until he gets the message that, as you both work, this is the way things are and he is equally responsible.

I am sorry, but I would describe him as abusive.
You are basically describing behaviour where you modify what you do to ensure he does not lose his temper and then he is also controlling what you do by not letting you leave mess to the next day to clear up. He’s not exactly saying you need to clear it up now, but that is the effect. If he was so bothered by the mess, he would tidy up himself.
I am sure he can regulate his emotions when he is at work.
And as for sex to ‘de-stress’, normal people go to the gym, not expect another person to provide sex. Quite frankly, if a man was behaving like that in my house, my legs would clamp shut.
Do you think he actually sees you as an equal human being to him or a service provider?
Maybe he will listen to a professional, but I would be surprised, to be honest. I think it speaks volumes that you know he won’t listen to you.

The more you post the worse he sounds. Maybe you need counselling to help you leave him. He is not a good dad or a good partner

Recommend what?
Ive been married a long long time and my dh has never had to 'get it'. Shameful behaviour from your dh.
Ive been married a long time and we reared 3 kids and ran a business.
Not once and i mean not once did he swear at those kids in anger.
At 22 my youngest still hugs him when he comes in from work.

My father? The angry name calling swearing one?
Oh i went no contact with him a long long long time ago and thankfully now hes dead.
Think about what your kids are living with.

The door slamming and swearing is abusive behaviour.
Not a nice man at all.

Get him a biscuit

😂 @Iloveluna Not the toddler either... Sounds like the dog if he needs a biscuit to be a good boy

When he comes up his first reaction is ‘oh my god this place is a shit tip clean it up now I know what will happen you will leave it all til tomorrow

Seriously? Is all the cleaning up always down to you? Because he's the man with the big man job? Never mind him kicking off, I'd be furious if I'd dashed straight from work to pick up my kids, went home and was straight into playing, getting them bathed, making tea, and Mr Big Job who has a 40 minute commute where he doesn't have to speak to anyone, and can presumably listen to music or a podcast or soothing nature sounds, strolled in and was arsy because the house wasn't tidy and the kids were excited to see him. What a dick!

And he's still getting to have sex with you five or six times a week because it's 'important' to him? Bloody hell. He landed on his feet with you all right.

I wouldn't call.amu of those things "off kilter" though... they are just life. With 3 kids, you basically run a mini hospital year-round, working - yep that happens 46+ weeks of the year, tired - yep that's parenting and working FT, fighting - typical sibling behaviour!

Stop that. Let him get in. Let him take his shoes off etc, and sit down. Get the kids to make him a cup of tea and get him a biscuit or something while he does this.

@SockPlant mate you got confused. Her husband isn’t the toddler.

"Get it?"
Hes gross.
What are you going to do?
Also, no, not all 'dh' are like this.
Only the abusive ones.

Just another example of the abuse.

The OP is also working, and getting the kids to and out the door, to their activities, doing homework, making dinner, doing school pickup and drop off.

It's not unreasonable to expect that a parent won't come home everyday and have some.sort of outburst at his children? Nobody can expect to be happy go lucky everyday, and everyone has stressful and grumpy days but outbursts at your kids Everyday... thats extreme.

My dad was lovely on holidays too. And christmas.
It was all the other days he was an abusive bastard. Shouting. Swearing. Beat my mother. We tiptoed around him.
If he was tired or upset or discommoded at all, we paid the price.
A disgrace of a human.
So hes lovely sometimes meana fuck all.

But he has the energy for sex 5/6 times a week??

How about he checks his own bloody diet and takes some responsibility for himself. He’s a man, not a toddler, and OP isn’t his mother.

No i work on my commutes (train) its quiet time to finish off the things I didn't get done or prepare for the day ahead

I’m so sorry he just sounds absolute awful. Have his cake and eat it. Sadly you’re enabling his behaviour by tiptoeing around him asking your children to do the same. I’m sure this is unknowingly. Just my perspective, Which obviously doesn’t mean it’s true

I think you should think about his nutrition. Does he eat lunch? I'v noticed a lot of men don't eat well at lunchtime. Is he having enough protein? Really, check his diet first. Low blood sugar can make you snappy, impatient and sensitive. Even being dehydrated can really cause problems.

He sounds bloody horrible. My 3 year old runs straight up to his dad when he comes back from work and my DH is so happy to see him that he'll happily cuddle him and play with him. Especially as he's only seen him for probably 30 minutes in the morning and he's only got an hour or so until little one goes to bed. He loves spending that time with him. And that's after a long day of manual labour. Your husband is a selfish arsehole

Thought the same