AIBU to think parenting advice just doesn’t work?

You can't really have general parenting advice as what works for one child doesn't always work for another. I think the only thing you can consistently try to do is to remain calm (easier said than done sometimes!). One of my DC used to have the most awful meltdowns and there was literally nothing that helped other than to sit calmly somewhere near to her and say nothing until it was over. Try to learn the triggers and avoid them where possible, although it isn't always.

Firstly you are doing a good job and your children are not broken. The “terrible twos” would try the patience of a saint! Unfortunately parenting doesn’t come with an instruction manual and tbh as parents especially of young children you are winging it and a one size doesn’t fit all. The important thing is consistency and the child knowing you are in charge.

Yeah the whole choices thing didn’t work for my kid. In fact it overwhelmed her and made her even more unhinged. Some kids just need telling what to do and then you just do it for them. And others need really low demand parenting. Even siblings don’t need the same parenting. Temperament plays a huge part. I struggled with the ‘scripts’ and my daughter’s behaviour was getting worse and worse and then I spoke to my health visitor and totally changed my perspective and changed everything. It helped a lot

Your kids aren’t broken, kids are just like adults in that they are all different and there isn’t one approach that fits all, it’s a bit of trial and error to figure out what works for you! Options work really well for my 2 year old for example but one of my best friends has a child the same age and it really doesn’t work for her child, her child manages best with less options and just a straight forward instruction. Neither child is broken, just different :)

I don’t think there’s a one-size-fits-all.
Do what you think would work for your situation. Your aim is for your child knowing who’s in charge.

Yanbu to say parenting advice doesn’t work. Yabu to say you’re doing a terrible job and your kids are particularly obtuse or broken.

Every child is different and so all parenting advice is going to be hit or miss on what works for your child. This is true for both neurotypical children and neurodivergent children. Parenting is a learning process where you learn your child. You learn what they individually need to help them manage difficult emotions. It’s why you can’t parent siblings exactly same, which is incredibly difficult to do while maintaining equity between siblings.

In addition, no parent can prevent explosive expressions of negative emotion in children. They are going to have this struggle especially as toddlers, in puberty and in adolescence- due to the hormonal and physical changes they are undergoing.

Parenting is not easy, but you are not alone. Just keep calm, keep your patience and respond with love.