AIBU to think parenting advice just doesn’t work?

I agree with this. Besides, they will very quickly become immune to it and/or, worse, learnt that this is an acceptable way to react to any sort of conflict and you will "enjoy" the same behaviour from them when they reach teenage years.

Which is why I said you mustn’t do it if it’s against the law. 🙄

Spanking is abusive and also illegal in some countries.

Yes and what do you do if you were abused or neglected as a child and so can’t just copy and paste what your parents did? Not everyone has the privilege you have.

You read books, you ask for advice,

It’s not hullabaloo and not linked to poorly behaved children in school.

Your child is a person. Get to know him and relate with him as he is and as you are. Don't try to manage him, just be in charge. It sounds like you don't want him to be angry - he is allowed to be angry! Be confident and relaxed and if he wants to do something that doesn't matter like not wear socks just let him not wear socks. If he has to wear socks for some reason just tell him he has to wear socks for xyz reason. I think offering choices at this age is too much - choice can be overwhelming and adds in a totally unnecessary layer of pressure. In terms of the anger, no one wants to be told 'you're angry I took you away from the swing' it sounds so patronising and indifferent. When you are angry what do you want from the other person? An apology? An explanation? For the other person to look like they care that you are angry? For them to get a bit angry too? I think trying to relate with someone by using techniques is never going to work, you need to be more real. Remember that you ARE in charge, even if you don't feel like it. He can be angry and you can take him away from the swing. It feels like you think you should be able to take him away from the swing without him being angry about it and that if he gets angry he is a defiant child and you are a poor parent. Not so. You are a good parent and he is a normal 2 year old doing exactly what 2 year olds should do.

I don't believe in spanking. And I come from a culture where kids are spanked.
Firm voice and few choices worked for me.

This is out of fashion now but still works when you apply it consistently. Spanking is also NOT abusive when done sparingly (and in places where it’s within the law). It gets the message across.

Absolutely!

My family raised reasonably adjusted human beings, so I tended to follow what was modelled around me by my own parents and my older sister who had three children before I started.

I find some folks read so many books, looking for methods, by the time they've finished reading the horse has already bolted. They're frustrated, the children are frustrated, dysregulated and just desperate for some consistent parenting.

The child-led hullabaloo has parents who have no control, children who are terribly behaved and schools that are now behaviour-management centres. Utter madness.

Choices increase anxiety in some children. They prefer the security of an adult in charge.

They can help with other types of children.

Validating emotions doesnt stop the emotion being expressed. Im probably explaining it badly. Its a slow process to go from knowing what an emotion is to regulating that emotion. At that age you are just labeling the emotion really so they know what it is. You probably dont need acknowledge the reason they feel angry. Just say 'you are angry' then distract him asap not expecting him to go 'oh, 'im angry I need to do x or y to not feel angry'. Some adults havent even got there yet! He might already know he feels angry so be thinking why the eff is she pointing that out.

the other part of that is when you are angry you are supposed to model how to regulate when you are feeling angry. So you might go gosh im so angry my body feels hot and tight, I am going to do ten star jumps and have a cup of tea till I feel better and can solve this problem.

I don't mean you're not confident but you're not confident in this advice which isn't working, understandably.

Same here for validating unless they at a later age were complaining and I agreed that seemed really annoying but other times I'd try it and he'd be mad, probably thinking shut up I don't want to hear this 😀
So it doesn't work stop doing it. Just get through as the person in charge. Be the hulk, as Vannesa dePointe says. I like her too. Visualise yourself as the strong leader, unbothered and confident in yourself. I think your ds is sensing your uncertainty

I couldnt be arsed with validating their feelings at age two. Maybe offer only one colour of sock. Ignore the screaming or walk away ( not far).

He seems worried about making the wrong choice

Socks are just socks - I have seen some parents remove ‘wrong socks’ as they don’t match or are fluffy socks instead of thin socks or whatever - don’t give him choices of one choices is the wrong one - he won’t want to get it wrong - kids are programmed to please their parents

There’s thousands of bits of parenting advice out there. But like arseholes everyone has parenting advice, regardless if they’ve ever had kids.

Everyone’s situation is different, kids are different and family set ups are different.

One tipit of advice I follow is the louder the child screams the quieter my voice becomes. If I start screaming I’ve already lost the argument/my job as mum is to stay cool - not always easy mind, sometimes I’ve got to take a deep breath. I’ll only become angry/loud with my toddler if she’s doing something dangerous to scare her into compliance.

If there’s a huge sock battle in your house why not try just putting on socks when you arrive at your destination? That way he’s distracted/cannot join in until he’s got his socks and shoes on and mentally it’s away from the current battle field.

I thi j what might be happening is that you're trying this advice but it's not you so you're feeling unsure I'd it and toddler totally sees that so has a field day. If it'd not you don't do it. I am a v touchy feely, gentle (not permissive) and yet no nonsense parent and I never offered a sock choice. The choices bit is more if there's an issue ans then you give A or B. As you say sometimes that's too stressful so you say 'It's hard to make a choice sometimes so I will help you.' Choose the socks and get on with it. He's kicking and holding things up, picking up and go. The house can't wait on him.
Janet Lansbury is goof though you're probably loathe to listen to an more advice but she's got a piece called don't keep a testing toddler hanging and explains well about them pushing buttons etc. Definitely no to the regular screaming. He's tiny and learning and his brain is really not online just yet.

YANBUX

There is no need to constantly scaffold and validate a child’s emotions. I don’t mean dismissing or not allowing their feelings- I mean just getting on with things and moving forward with what you were doing when they are carrying on. You then get where you need to be on time, they get over it and there’s absolutely no wallowing or rehashing.

Depend on the advice. Better to rely on your instincts.

Two year olds can be awful little tyrants. Child behaviour books don’t work, because they can’t read. 😂

Just press on, follow your instincts, try to kerp calm, be consistent, and hold onto the thought that this stage passes. 😊