So stressed about DS3 likely autistic

My DS1 was diagnosed with autism when he was 7 (he has very high functioning autism), his brother DS2 was present when we were given the diagnosis. He was 3 at the time. DS2 was clearly autistic - I had known he was from about age 2 when he was still non-verbal, only flicked car wheels in front of his eyes rather than playing etc. The doctor said to me when DS1 was diagnosed that they would have given DS2 a diagnosis there and then if they had been allowed, but they were the school age team. They said they would put him on their waiting list for diagnosis, so that by the time he got to the top of the list he would be diagnosed.

He was therefore diagnosed at age 5. But because I knew from age 3 that he was autistic I started treating him as if he was autistic then. I spent a lot of time introducing him to eat different foods, giving him routines but also teaching him what to do if a routine had to change. The diagnosis team were quite impressed that when they asked him what he would do in a situation he could give them a list (that I had taught him).

He realised he was autistic when he was about 13/14 and started reading up on it which helped him understand why he found things more difficult than other people. He learnt how to cook his favourite foods (aka pasta) although does need reminding to actually watch what he is doing and not wander off. He is now 19 doing an OU degree, and has travelled abroad on his own. He likes the security of studying at home, but I am sure he will leave at some point.

He is totally different to DS1. But don't despair just because he has a diagnosis of autism. Yes it can mean he will never leave home independently - I have a friend whose adult child has just gone into residential care because of his autism. But it isn't a foregone conclusion.

My son does feel different but I think he copes ok with it by regular affirmation from us and his teachers and recognising “normal” people can be v annoying 😂
He was in a regular state school until year 5 and then we moved him to a private school which I know isn’t an option for all but smaller class sizes and a good senco has been great.

Of course, you wouldn't be worrying and unfairly blaming yourself if you didnt love him!

Fwiw mine didnt go to mainstream school - were having a battle now as I moved, but she went straight to a special needs class which was a godsend

I couldn't imagine her in school either, and I was right. Early diagnosis is key, and you can discuss options at your appointment - theres other ways he'll learn x

@Mysweaterisonbackwardsandinsideout my son wasn't diagnosed till he was 19. I had my suspicions about possible autism for years. School were very unhelpful but he just plodded on. We had a few rough years until I insisted he get help. We had a lovely doctor who understood him and his worries. Hes on medication daily. Going to college studying engineering. Volunteer work at a heritage railway. Yes he still has bad spells but no where near as bad as before x sending hugs you and all the parents on here x

I had the same experience with people denying it but I just knew

Now, I have my own autism diagnosis! Through her I found myself

Everything for a reason, op. I completely understand how you feel, but you'll get through it and will even find yourself enjoying his little quirks - it just takes time xx

My son was diagnosed aged 3. He sounds reasonably similar to your son. I understand all your worries and concerns. I felt the same. I cried a long time after diagnosis.

No autistic child is the same but I can tell you my now 14 year old can speak well, ride a bike, will sit 9 GCSEs and talks (nervously) of going to uni.

He struggles socially, is anxious, won’t achieve grade 9s and who knows if he will leave home… but he’s miles ahead where I envisaged age 3 so there’s so much hope xx

I was so worried when my dd was 3 and not speaking or making eye contact

Now shes almost 7 and picking up language. She has her autism diagnosis and its embraced and I wouldn't change her.

You will feel differently, it'll just take some time and the right interventions. The main thing is that you get the right support and you'll watch his little life flourish

❤️

@Mysweaterisonbackwardsandinsideout there are different levels of autism. Not sure if that's the right way to describe it x sending hugs to you both x

Lots of us have autistic children. Your child may not develop at the same rate as other children but that isn’t to say that he won’t grow and develop. He’s autistic but he’s still his own person. It’s hard though so please have a hug from me.