to keep him off school some days at the moment

OP - do you rent or own? If you rent, is moving nearer to the school an option? Or any closer schools?
It sounds like this is going to get harder rather than easier as both younger ones grow, so you need a long term solution, and living within a few minutes walk of the school seems like the best one. Reception is really important - my oldest missed a chunk of it due to covid, and even now in year 5, I can see the learning gaps in her phonics knowledge vs her sister who is year 2 and did all of reception

Spot on post here -

OP - refer yourself to social services. Request early help services

you can’t meet the complex needs of your children - you can’t get your oldest child to school, and the younger ones are going to get bigger and more of a handful -

dyspraxia / hyper mobility - you have a neurodivergent family ?

it’s only going to get harder - you can’t physically manage their needs and as a family you can’t problem solve / resolve the matter -

If it's possible for DH to do a breakfast club drop off it has to be worth trying surely. If you can't find a complete solution then a partial one that reduces the number of everyone on a bus school runs has to be the next best thing.

Sounds like he has already had a referral to wheelchair services if has a specialist buggy, they generally give those rather than a wheelchair under 4/5 years of age

If you have or could arrange a spare room, could you offer someone accomodation in return for help in the morning?

Op hasn’t tried breakfast club. She just says he might find it hard. He will probably be fine and it’s worth a try.

I'm guessing your DH has his head in the sand about how bad this situation is or that it's a long term one.

First and foremost speak to the school. Maybe you can arrange for him to go in later, when the buses are less busy and you have more chance of getting the buggy on. It's better to go in later than miss it completely.

Your husband needs to aim towards flexibility as you cannot do this alone for the next decade. You're saying reception isn't compulsory, but it's not just this year you need to think about, it's all the years.

Fathers in general absolutely do have responsibilities. That would be covered in any professional assessment of need. So I don't feel the need to question.
Plenty families with disabled children have one parent working who can't do school runs.
Some workplaces are accommodating some aren't.
There are lots of single carers of disabled children who face all the above problems.
But don't you think that if the Father were an option the OP would either not have needed to post or mentioned it?
I'm not ignoring fathers. I just accorded the OP the dignity of assuming she is rational and an expert on her own situation.

Well time to start looking now, school has just started for their first child and long term 3 children will have to go to school. How will mum manage next year with 3 small kids on a bus and 1 is not mobile?

millions of other parents in this country manage to work and get their children to school despite everything else. Where there is a will there is a way. Parenting is the job of 2 people in an ideal world and clearly mum is struggling here. So they need to find a different solution that works for the children.

But its not that easy. It sounds like atm he is the only earner. If he has a job that does not offer the flexibility, he can't just quit and leave the family with no money.

He has asked for flexible working and been turned down. And he does do some pick ups and could potentially do breakfast club but op said that wouldn't work for son

Getting a new job can take up to 6 months once someone has interviewed, worked notice and got onboarding checks. And its not always the case that these jobs offer flexibility for school runs...mine certainly wouldn't no matter how much I asked for it.

It would be amazing if every job gave flexibility, working from home and ability to do school run working hours. But in my experience, (certainly im the industry I work) they are not really available

Emotional regulation comes largely from parenting with a caveat of the child's individual needs. COVID was a time of immense stress when whole families were isolated. No toddler groups no grandparents or aunties and uncles. - Research can't really say what has had the most impact.
The reality is a lot of children who attend reception are still at the play stage.

I haven’t read all of the messages, but it really sounds like you and/or you son would be entitled to pip/dla. When you apply make sure you put your worst day and you should get something. Then you can use this to pay for a taxi to and from school.

Your DH needs to start looking for a new job or asking for his employer to be more flexible.

The father of the children should be part of this village. Others should help and pay but the actual co-parent doesn’t do any school runs?

so all your solutions listed don’t involve the FATHER? But the council, school, complaining about bus drivers. How about people take responsibilities for their children instead of demanding others to help.

I'd revisit the breakfast club idea. If ds struggles with change then he may benefit from the structure and routine of knowing "Monday to Friday I go to school with daddy on the way to his work" and the learning through play and socialising with his peers and being with other adults.

Not the question of "is today I go to school?" Getting ready and expecting to go but then not going.

Dh pick up on the days that he can
Don't worry about the communication thing...if teacher says something important than surely dh will remember.

Unfortunately, this is a problem thats likely to get worse not better. If you have mobility problems yourself, then are you going to be able to carry a 9 month old in a sling along with the buggy? Or are you going to have 2 lo's in a buggy on the bus? You need to get your confidence now

Imo school is not optional once they are registered and the more you decide not to do the journey, the less you will make yourself do it

Its hard but the more you do it, the more it will feel easier for yourself and the less awkward and self conscious you will feel. Get the signs saying "treat buggy as wheelchair" You need to advocate for yourself and your children....you all have as much right to be on the bus as anyone else

A).talk.with school.to.enlist their ongoing support in exploring options. Your child's disability will be prominent into the future and also your energy, you need to set up your professional circle.
B).definitely get a badge or something and absolutely assert it's a wheelchair not a buggy and get assertive about it. People will soon get the message and hopefully make space for you. The bus driver should help if not can be reported.
C) As a disabled parent of a disabled child you are entitled to.a carers assessment and your school can push for an assessment of your disabled child's needs from your local disabled children team which should include consideration for their siblings. If the school run as described is impossible or undoable for you under the circumstances and your and your child's disability is a factor then it might be possible to get funding to.employ some help.
D) Assuming you have given fact in your post, completely ignore any suggestions you and your children shouldn't exist, you and they are absolutely worth resources until you feel.able to manage and help is an entitlement when parent and child have a disability.
E) Also ignore the finger wagging tone it's bringing me out in a rash
F) People are right to say your child has a right to be in school (but they forget the other rights.- yours and your other child's) Be confident in asserting all your familys needs clearly and find someone who can help you do this if it's a struggle. It takes a Village to raise a Disabled child. . Expect a village.
G) If not already get into.a group of SEND mums they are often outstanding
H) if after all that your requests fall in deaf ears consider a local Councillor
I) on the continent children don't start formal.schooling until 5/6, and that works for them- yes it's a different system but at this stage permanent damage is unlikely, don't beat yourself up over what he's missed so far.

I wish you all the best

She’ll probably say she doesn’t have money or time to start driving just as she has an excuse for everything else. Poor children.

This!
what’s the long term plan here? Surely soon all DC have to go to school?

I think you need to move and/or your partner needs to change jobs. This is not sustainable at all.

Reception does really matter. There is a growing body of research that shows the kids who missed reception in covid were really quite badly affected as a cohort and still struggle with emotional regulation. It really isn’t ‘just play’. I actually think it’s one of the most important years.

For those suggesting home school, I think you’re being irresponsible in the circs. This is an OP that isn’t coping well with the 3 kids. Homeschool shouldn’t become the option because a child’s parents can’t manage a 2 mile school run. That is just setting up the family to fail.

Something has to change. I really also wouldn’t be so defeatist re the driving. Starting again as an adult in an automatic could be quite different to learning at 17. Modern cars are easier to drive with all the sensors, cameras etc.

Could the eldest take the bus with another family? Is there another pupil that lives near you?

This situation isn’t going to resolve itself. There’s also no easy answer. I have to take my youngest to breakfast club every single morning just to get him to school, he doesn’t like it and it’s expensive but that’s what it is.

You’re just going to have to pick one of the things you say is “impossible”. Or your DH changes jobs and gets more involved.

If she is too overwhelmed to do forms I can't see how she can home school.

If its affordable either a taxi or pay someone to do the school run

It isn't formal at that age. You are just pushing your own agenda though.