to keep him off school some days at the moment

Also, I think people are stressing a lot about a 4 year missing school. My 1st was born right after the school year starts so had to wait an extra year before starting reception, literally turned 5 a few days later. There are plenty of summer babies who also start reception slightly later as they've just turned 4 and not ready.
It's a tough season for you, and I wish your partner could change some of his hours so he could do drop off in the morning, but it doesn't sound like it's possible.
Do you have help/OT therapy for your DS2 low tone? Hopefully this can be resolved soon so he won't need to rely too much on a buggy in a little bit.

It’s great that you cope well at home, but I think getting your children to school is a pretty important parental responsibility. Reception might not be mandatory for your son, but Y1 onwards will be and it doesn’t sound as though your situation is going to change?

I do think you should at least try breakfast club as that seems like the most straightforward option. But realistically, if you’re convinced there are no other options then you’ll have to stick with the difficult bus journey. I wouldn’t see keeping your son off school as being an option tbh.

https://www.facebook.com/share/1DMThz3XsE/product

Is there another buggy that would suit your DS2 without being to big for the bus? Maybe sth like this that folds in a click: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ickle-Bubba-Aries-Autofold-Stroller/dp/B0CHWF7WV5
It has several inclination so hopefully one setting that keeps him nice and straight?

Exactly this.
also while your day sounds nice it’s not appropriate or fair for your 4 year old to routinely miss school. He is missing out on socialising and learning and will fall behind before you notice it. Watching tv and going to the park is not an appropriate replacement for going to school. What’s your long term plan? How will you manage when your baby is older?

The school run IS part of coping with three children and you seem to think this is optional.

It doesn’t matter if your child doesn’t eat breakfast. A child won’t let themselves starve. Send them with something they will eat if they are hungry or give them breakfast first.

What have you actually tried or what are you willing to try? What solutions do you have?

At the moment, your list of worries and excuses are all far less significant than messing up your child’s life chances. Yes, this might sound brutal, but somebody needs to advocate for your child because you aren’t.

Sorry for the long URL. It's a link to a 'Please treat as a wheelchair sign to gang off a buggy '

https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/588099181/treat-as-wheelchair-sign-disabled-buggy?gpla=1&gao=1&&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping_uk_en_gb_d-bath_and_beauty&utm_custom1=k_CjwKCAjwjtTNBhB0EiwAuswYhgxq2T41RyHin8d2WR3XBdojeGRA_wEHHF7CWtdx6bgUHQ78lvyaVhoCwyQQAvD_BwE_k&utm_content=go_21811975374_169452893496_717564634727_pla-314548487700_m__588099181engb_117098157&utm_custom2=21811975374&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21811975374&gbraid=0AAAAADutTMexMMeZvYqRpIaKdyT49MG34&gclid=CjwKCAjwjtTNBhB0EiwAuswYhgxq2T41RyHin8d2WR3XBdojeGRA_wEHHF7CWtdx6bgUHQ78lvyaVhoCwyQQAvD_BwE

I'm sorry if this sounds unkind but part of coping with children is ensuring that they have access to an education. I think you need to give breakfast club a chance, it's probably the least worse option.

My child would eat breakfast at home and then a second breakfast at breakfast club sometimes - the food there was hit or miss but he enjoyed playing with his friends before school either way. Seems the obvious solution.

Unless you’re aiming to withdraw him, you should get a routine together now before you have two toddlers to haul around.

https://activateforkids.co.uk/tandem-buggy/

www.fledglings.org.uk/products/the-tandem-buggy?srsltid=AfmBOoqFcq5hlCqz_IGs1McyNLmVEMkn3weKjerm4ImxzN9eBmjd7-bx

These pushchairs are really expensive but the guy at GEMZ is so helpful, he might be able to source something that works for you that is less expensive or perhaps consider a Go Fund Me page or look for grants (Family Fund etc).

When we used our disability buggies, I put signs on with the disabled symbol saying 'Please class as a wheelchair's. If you Google it, you will find ones out there.

I would also practice something in your head to say to bus drivers when they ask you to fold such as "This is a mobility aid for a disabled child and is legally classed in the same category as a wheelchair so I'm allowed to use the wheelchair space in the same way as a wheelchair user would be able to use it. My son cannot walk at all and he therefore needs to remain in his mobility aid and it cannot be folded".

If pushed and they insist you fold it, say something like "By asking me to fold my child's mobility aid when he can't walk at all due to his disabilities is the same as you telling a wheelchair user that they can't use that space. Is that what you're actually saying? If so, then I will make a complaint of disability discrimination to your employer".

It will be hard at first but buses usually have regular drivers so once you've set that boundary a few times, then you shouldn't have to do it again very often.

Also, there is a guy called GEMZ Disability Aids (or disability buggies) on Facebook. He reconditions second hand mobility aids and helps people to source them. There is a two seater buggy out there that can has a seat for a disabled child and another seat for a baby/toddler. So, once you can't sling your baby any more, this could be an option perhaps? It may be worth you starting to look now?

I'll see if I can find a link to the one I'm thinking of...

I would also talk to your LA as they may be able to offer transport for your eldest due to your circumstances. No harm in asking the question.

He doeent have to eat breakfast at breakfast club. Its just somewhere for him to go before school so your other half can drop him.

I think it sounds like excuses because you don’t seem to want to solve this in the mid and long term, or at least you seem to not know how. Not going in for reception is NOT a solution. If you don’t solve this now it will get harder. You need to take on the responsibilty for solving this and stop finding reasons why not to. My husband and extended family have this type of severe ADHD. Looking at his younger brother and my MIL’s inability to find solutions in order to parent properly, I urge you to get into the right mindset now. I know ADHD is hard, especially severe ADHD, so ask the school, SS etc for help and BE CONSISTENT!

3 children under 5 and you have mobility issues- you need some help, problems like this are only going to get worse, so you need some support in place now- family, paid, charity, it doesn't matter but you have to find some.

It sounds exhausting for anyone, even more so if you also have mobility issues.

I was going to suggest an automatic, but you have explained that didn't work either.

I know you have said that you were refused pip. Have you looking into whether anything can be claimed for DS2? I don't know how things work, and i know there are lots of changes, but is any form of carer allowance relevant to you?

Not sure how practical it would be, but could you speak to citizens advice, or somewhere in your area that helps with benefit claims. If DS 2 has any appointments/support they may be able to support/direct you.

Maybe look at getting a notice for the buggy to say that it is to be treated as a wheelchair. May not make much difference, but may make a few people think before acting.

You should apply for pip for yourself and use the money to pay for taxis to and from school. Or put your eldest in breakfast club and get your partner to drop him at school.

In short bursts of time. In other countries they would be doing this in the kindergartens and other forms of places they use to teach numbers. I genuinely don't think it is a good idea to advocate home ed for OP. I have a disabled child. There is no way I would have time to be able to do any form of learning for other children.

It doesn't sound like those things are around the corner or that she would actually be able to get them there. It is very important for him to socialise with his contemporaries but you obviously have an agenda.

If you have 4 year olds in a classroom who have mat time, arithmetic and phonics taught to them at set times which they can't get up and walk away from as they please, that's formal. My agenda, insofar as I have one, is matching child development to child education, something that putting children in a classroom environment at 4 doesn't achieve. I think we need to question the agenda that pushes that development mismatch and the consequent harm it can cause.

I think this is very unfair on your DS. It's not his fault the adults in his life have made the decisions that have led to this situation. Ultimately, your DH needs to help. Work is important to support the family but that doesn't excuse him of any parental involvement or responsibility to support his sons education .

At home with siblings and parents. Where has this notion come from that 4 year olds most only mix with other non-related 4 year olds in order to be social? There also may be a park or softplay in walking distance, a library or a church hall with groups around the corner which are more accessible for OP, we don't know. School at 4 is not the only, or I would suggest, the preferable option developmentally.

Not now applicable for the OP but for anyone else who doesn't already know, childcare hours are valid up until a child reaches compulsory school age, so eg. the OPs child is June birthday they could have been in nursery or with a childminder until end of this August 2026. This may have given more flexibility for this year for the OP, finding a nursery or childminder in walking distance or arriving at non-peak time to help with public transport and choosing only to put DS4 in for a day or 2 a week.

You mentioned that your DS would struggle with breakfast club because he finds new situations overwhelming - but if he went every day, it would soon enough no longer be a new situation and he might feel more comfortable with it?

If your partner is unable to change his working hours in his current job then he needs to start looking for a new one which is compatible with doing the school run.

Perhaps contact the bus company to enquire about their policy on SEN buggies - they may have official badges they can issue you, or be able to give a reminder to the drivers that you shouldn’t be made to fold these.

Of course a taxi to/from school every day is going to be unaffordable for most people, but could you use this as a fallback option on those days when you really just can’t face it and would otherwise keep your son at home? You could get a taxi there in the morning and take the bus home when it’s less crowded?

It sounds like a really tough situation but I think you are doing your son a disservice by keeping him off school.

What about his literacy, maths, the whole curriculum and all the other learning that goes on in School? How long do you think this struggling mum might keep her children from school?