to keep him off school some days at the moment

None of mine started school before the age of 7, didn't hinder them they're all top of their classes. But I did make sure to teach them reading at home and basic numbers but that was all. I've got 5 kids from 6months to 14 years. Our school is 2 miles away also. But I am able to walk it. However I don't go in if it's pouring with rain or snow etc. I wouldn't stress just make effort at home to look at basics like learning days of the weeks / phonics etc. If you can manage at home without school then just deregister him for a year or so..don't spend first year of new babies life stressed out it isn't worth it x

You can get signs for special needs buggies, asking people to treat them as a wheelchair.

Children can play with toys, go to the park and be read to at home alongside going to school. With two very demanding younger siblings there will be a lot more mooching infront of the tv and wasted time that simply wouldn’t happen at school.

Whatever your opinion about when children start school, in England most children start at 4 and if you don’t you need support to catch up.

Who said reception at 4 was right though? I think it's a mistake to imagine because you can send a child into a formal academic environment at 4 that you should.

And yes, going to the park and watching some TV alongside playing with toys, reading books, helping with household jobs, interacting with siblings, having imaginative play are all important learning experiences for a 4 year old. Being securely attached is also a massive advantage for future outcomes.

Going to the park and watching tv. You must be joking if you think that’s what they do in reception 🤣

That is just incorrect. Sorry, I've posted on why already so won't repeat. Keeping pace just isn't how learning for children works, or should be expected to work, at age 5/Y1. There just some much misunderstanding of what leaening is on this thread, it's really quite disturbing. Assessment and the associated data is not for the child's benefit and is not learning. Many a teacher will tell you that.

Being a parent is about ensuring ALL the child’s needs are met. It’s great that you can cope at home but your child needs to be at school.
You seem to be making up a lot of excuses. How about give breakfast club a try rather than putting a block up at every suggestion anyone makes.

Do the kids do anything more than go to the park?

The examples are literally in the post. How much clearer does OP need to be?

Literacy = being read to at 4
Maths = counting the strawberries for a snack/ducks in the pond.

Imaginary play and role-playing, free play, helping with jobs at home, playing or helping with siblings, running around the garden, jumping on puddles, going to the park, supermarket or library, all of these are learning experiences. At 4 a child could go to nursery, but this would be more about giving mum a break than being necessary for development.

It's really not hard to provide these opportunities at home. The national curriculum is incredibly flawed not the gold standard many outside of education seem to believe it is.

I still think you are ignoring advice about talking to the school. You haven't acknowledged any comments asking whether you have asked then for help at all, as while you say you aren't struggling with 3 children, the fact you can't get one to school suggests you are. You also have ignored the fact that once they are year 1 they need to be in school and seem to be unwilling to test the waters now with things like breakfast club.
If your child is fussy can you send them with their cereal? Though my school have about 4-5 different choices. Again talking to the school would help you, but it sounds like you don't want to do this.
The same with saying you don't get anything for your eldest financially because their needs aren't severe enough. Who's the judge of that? Do they have a formal diagnosis or are you seeking one?

2 things can be true at the same time. You can have it tougher than others because you now have 3 children and 2 have extra needs and also just not be that bothered about meeting your child's basic needs. The first doesn't automatically mean you get the right to not be criticised for not doing good enough for your child - which enrolling him in school and then not bothering is.

What playful learning is OP doing while she cares for a disabled toddler and a newborn?

I think you should actually try breakfast club before dismissing it. Send him with a lunchbox including things he will eat at that time of day. If he doesn't eat them then, he can eat them at lunch.

I do understand some kids are tricky with breakfast. My daughter is. I'm afraid breakfast is often a cereal bar from a station vending machine or a banana on the bus.

We need to leave for school by 7am and tbh who wants to eat at 6.30, but you can't miss school because of breakfast!

My response would be different if OP was home educating or flexischooling, which would include actively seeking opportunities to socialise with children of DS's own age and above. A 4 yo isn't developing his social skills from a 2 yo with significant delays and a newborn.

She's expecting him to keep pace with the other children in his class and develop social bonds with them whilst spending significant amounts of time when they are in class at home, watching TV and going to the park. He's going to be completely out of his depth by Y1 and quite possibly have got used to only going to school when it's convenient.

You can feed him before he goes or he has a banana and peanut butter sandwich in the car on the way to breakfast club. School isn’t optional.

Breakfast club doesn't necessarily mean they eat breakfast there. Ours didn't serve food at all for ages. OP you have a lot on your plate but there is a fine line between a reason and an excuse.

OP has since updated that she had no problem getting out generally and goes to a local park with the children. They also have no significant issues at home caring for 3 children.

Can you say why the OPs DS must socialise with other 4 year olds outside of his own home? What does this achieve for his development that playful learning at home with siblings and parents wouldn't?

What is your obsession with agendas? Quite an odd turn of phrase left hanging in a couple of replies, unsupported by anything suggesting what you think the 'agenda' may be.

You're dismissing suggestions without even giving them a go, presumably because keeping him home is more convenient and less effort.

If you have kids with additional needs, especially multiple, yournchildren will be failed if you remain passive, things will only get harder from here - you will have to advocate for their needs, to battle the LA for EHCPs, depending on their needs they may even end up at different schools, whilst doing the school runs, appointments, form filling etc.

Your son has presumably been at school for 6 months now. What are school saying? What have you actually tried in this time?

Reception year is important OP, they do a lot of phonics in reception and if he’s missing chunks of time he will be missing new sounds and fall behind. Obviously there’s time for him to catch up but it does disadvantage him. I think you really need to consider the breakfast club, it’s at the school and usually held in the schools dining hall or assembly hall so not an unfamiliar setting and the breakfasts are usually cereal, toast and fruit, so fairly standard stuff. If you’re worried he won’t eat then pack him something you know he will in his bag and speak to the pastoral staff, he will be allowed to eat that instead. And they have toys to play with and activities to do, my eldest is autistic so I get it can be difficult transitioning to new environments but this is at school so already familiar in lots of ways. Speak to the pastoral team and see if they could take him along to talk to him, they could take him to meet the staff before they leave one morning, it’ll make it easier for him and the more consistent he is with attending the more comfortable he will become.

As others say, coping includes getting them to school. If you won't send DS to breakfast club or pay for a taxi, DH won't change his job and you won't find a nearer school, then the remaining choice is that you suck it up and get him to school. It will be over eventually but for now, you have to do it.

The statutory walking distance is 2 miles for those under 8. Although the LA can provide transport now, they don’t have the same duty as they do for those who are CSA.

Many children eat at home before breakfast club. If you’re worried about him not eating send a decent snack like a cereal bar to school for break time. Staff will be happy to facilitate this. It’s pretty normal.

They are pricey but you partner may get one through cycle to work.

Electric cargo Dutch style bike. They are 3 wheeled so super stable. Electric assisted so minimal peddling. And big cargo carrier at the front where you can sit children and baby carrier.

So, there are ways a d means of making your life that little bit easier.

Yes, you do need to get your child to school but ignore those people who have absolutely no idea about what it's like to raise one or more children with additional needs.

You know your eldest child best and whether he will cope with attending/eating at breakfast club or not. Don't listen to people who haven't walked a mile in your shoes.

The best thing to do is to put things in place that best meets the needs of ALL of you.

But what’s the plan for Y1? How will she manage then when baby is older? Seems long term this doesn’t work.