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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to keep him off school some days at the moment

386 replies

tinyyturtle · 13/03/2026 21:24

hello first post so hope im doing this right

i have 3 boys ds1 is 4 and in reception ds2 is 2.5 and doesnt walk and ds3 is 10 weeks old today

school is about 2 miles away and i dont drive. walking isnt really possible for me as i have mobility problems myself so the bus is the only realistic way of doing it

ds2 technically still fits in a normal buggy but it doesnt support him properly and he kind of slumps to one side. he does have a sen buggy but its massive and its honestly a pain on the bus. half the time theres no space and trying to get on with that plus ds1 and the baby in a sling and bags is a whole thing

bus drivers also dont see it as a disabled buggy they just see a big buggy and expect me to fold it. which is hard because then i have to find somewhere safe to put ds2 while i fold it and hold the baby at the same time which isnt exactly easy

people do tut as well which doesnt help

some mornings its just chaos. if i take the big buggy i struggle getting it on and off and folding it while holding the baby. if i take the normal buggy ds2 just slides about and i feel bad about that

the baby cries a lot on the bus too which makes the whole thing more stressful

so the truth is ds1 has missed a fair bit of school recently. more than id like really. some mornings i just cant face doing the whole bus situation and i keep him home

i know reception isnt technically compulsory but i also know its not ideal for him missing days and i do feel guilty about it

aibu to just keep him off sometimes for now until the baby is a bit older and things settle down a bit or should i be pushing myself to get him there every day even if its a nightmare

im honestly exhausted at the moment and just wondering what other people would do in this situation

OP posts:
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PinkPomeloFruit · 13/03/2026 22:01

This reply has been deleted

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hopspot · 13/03/2026 22:00

Would you qualify for a mobility scooter?
Can you take driving lessons?
what time does your dp work?

Pippa12 · 13/03/2026 22:00

I get it’s hard but he really needs to be going to school no matter how hard you find it.

Could you get a taxi/uber for those mornings that feel overwhelming?

Is there a childminder/breakfast club nearby that could drop the child off?

If not you’re going to have to repeatedly say to yourself that it won’t be this tough for ever, then get on with it as a parent.

You will make a rod for your back if your child misses reception and thinks school is optional. It’s not how you want to start out.

WhatNoRaisins · 13/03/2026 21:58

I think I agree with the consensus, you're clearly in a difficult situation but your DC needs to be able to attend school. Is there any potential to relocate somewhere closer to a school? Is hiring someone to take your DC to school at least some of the week an option?

ChasingMoreSleep · 13/03/2026 21:58

If the school is your nearest school, check exactly how far the shortest walking route is. If it is more than 2 miles, apply for transport. The council can provide transport to those below CSA, but once DS is CSA, the LA has a transport duty.

Sunshineclouds11 · 13/03/2026 21:55

Any child minders around who can do the school runs? Even afew days a week would help.

Wolfiefan · 13/03/2026 21:55

It’s not impossible to get him there. He needs to be in school. Either you or your OH need to get him there. It’s part of the responsibility of being a parent.

ChasingMoreSleep · 13/03/2026 21:55

I second @Mingspingpongball, you need a treat as wheelchair sign for DS2’s SN buggy. I’m afraid you need to grow a tough skin too and advocate for the SN buggy to be treated the same as a wheelchair.

@SemiSober the motability scheme isn’t available to under 3s. HRM DLA is only available from 3. Until recently Family Fund jointly ran a scheme to provide vehicles for some families under 3, but that has now ended.

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/03/2026 21:54

You need more help. School will have or will soon raise his frequent absences, you need to talk to them about your struggles.

Original poster
tinyyturtle · 13/03/2026 21:51

yes it is our nearest school

a few people asked about my partner, he leaves very early for work so he cant do the school run unfortunately

also no family close enough to help

ds2 has hyper mobility and low muscle tone which is why he doesnt walk yet and needs the extra support in the buggy

i honestly cant walk there and back twice a day. id end up in a lot of pain and i also need to be able to lift ds2 and the baby during the day so if i overdo it in the morning it kind of ruins the rest of the day

i do want ds1 in school and i know its important which is why i feel guilty about the days he has missed. im not just keeping him off for no reason its just some mornings the whole bus situation with the buggy and baby and everything feels impossible

OP posts:
Figgygal · 13/03/2026 21:45

Where's your partner in this?
You need support as no it's not ok to keep your eldest off school
Is there nowhere closer for them to go?
Any school transport options?

Superstar22 · 13/03/2026 21:44

I’m sorry to hear you’re having such a tough time. But you need to do everything you can to get your eldest to school.
Go early, get to bed earlier, give other children to safe people to mind, ask school for a taxi, contact the council, move schools, move house, ask a parent bear you to take your child to school- ask the school to ask a teacher if they can do it.

do everything you can think of to get him there every day. Don’t give up until this is resolved. It’s the most important thing.

PurpleLovecats · 13/03/2026 21:43

Can your partner request flexible working so they can help?

Fatiguedwithlife · 13/03/2026 21:42

A double buggy for the 2.5 and newborn? I had the same age gap with DCs 2&3 and they were in a double buggy for a couple of years (mainly to stop them running in opposite directions!) I loved it.

Pricelessadvice · 13/03/2026 21:41

You have a responsibility to get your child to school. He deserves an education.

PollyBell · 13/03/2026 21:39

You cant keep a child off school for no reason

SemiSober · 13/03/2026 21:39

SemiSober · 13/03/2026 21:37

Out of curiosity does the 2.5 year old have a physical disability or is it linked to a neurological disability (eg autism) - I’m wondering if you’d qualify for a car on the mobility scheme

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Or I’m wondering if the school could put you in touch with a family who live close by that could possibly provide a lift for your child? (If you and they were happy with that arrangement?)

PinkPomeloFruit · 13/03/2026 21:38

Where is the father? This is not good enough. School isn’t optional and they’ll just fall further behind.
Can you move closer to school? You have years of the journey ahead of you.

SemiSober · 13/03/2026 21:37

tinyyturtle · 13/03/2026 21:24

hello first post so hope im doing this right

i have 3 boys ds1 is 4 and in reception ds2 is 2.5 and doesnt walk and ds3 is 10 weeks old today

school is about 2 miles away and i dont drive. walking isnt really possible for me as i have mobility problems myself so the bus is the only realistic way of doing it

ds2 technically still fits in a normal buggy but it doesnt support him properly and he kind of slumps to one side. he does have a sen buggy but its massive and its honestly a pain on the bus. half the time theres no space and trying to get on with that plus ds1 and the baby in a sling and bags is a whole thing

bus drivers also dont see it as a disabled buggy they just see a big buggy and expect me to fold it. which is hard because then i have to find somewhere safe to put ds2 while i fold it and hold the baby at the same time which isnt exactly easy

people do tut as well which doesnt help

some mornings its just chaos. if i take the big buggy i struggle getting it on and off and folding it while holding the baby. if i take the normal buggy ds2 just slides about and i feel bad about that

the baby cries a lot on the bus too which makes the whole thing more stressful

so the truth is ds1 has missed a fair bit of school recently. more than id like really. some mornings i just cant face doing the whole bus situation and i keep him home

i know reception isnt technically compulsory but i also know its not ideal for him missing days and i do feel guilty about it

aibu to just keep him off sometimes for now until the baby is a bit older and things settle down a bit or should i be pushing myself to get him there every day even if its a nightmare

im honestly exhausted at the moment and just wondering what other people would do in this situation

Out of curiosity does the 2.5 year old have a physical disability or is it linked to a neurological disability (eg autism) - I’m wondering if you’d qualify for a car on the mobility scheme

Eenameenadeeka · 13/03/2026 21:37

This sounds like a tricky situation, but I wouldn't consider it an option to not take my child to school.
Can someone else come and pick him up instead? Can you move closer to the school, or is there a closer school to move him to?

Mingspingpongball · 13/03/2026 21:36

OP your child with physical disabilities as I think you say, could have a badge I bought online when my child was very young (she now has a wheelchair) to attach to his buggy that’s “please treat as a wheelchair “. Then you do not have to fold it down and can ask for the appropriate space. But that’s a small issue.
Where’s the father or fathers of your children?
Anyone else who can help?

Buscobel · 13/03/2026 21:35

Was the school on your list of preferences? If so, I don’t think you can get any help. If it was allocated to you and not one you wanted, you could see whether the council will offer transport, although I doubt it.

This is going to become more difficult for you. DS2 will need his big buggy more and the baby too. Is there a nearer school that you could apply to, because your child can’t keep missing school.

IwishIcouldconfess · 13/03/2026 21:35

Ocelotfeet27 · 13/03/2026 21:33

Why did you make such a shitty comment when quite clearly it was a bad idea?

Show quote history

It was a perfectly reasonable response!

TwinklyGoldReader · 13/03/2026 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I didn’t know they offered returns on children

Boxoffrogs21 · 13/03/2026 21:34

You need to find a way to get your son to school every day - even if you consider Reception as ‘non-compulsory’, it’s valuable for him and it doesn’t sound like a lot will really change once he’s in Year 1 (the baby will just be a tricky toddler and 2.5-year-old will be even bigger but presumably still need help?) It’s hard for you and I do have sympathy, but your son’s education can’t just be seen as the easiest thing to let slide, it’s not fair.