to keep him off school some days at the moment

I’d use breakfast and after school club and get dad to help with drops and pick ups

Whilst I think you could make these arguments for keeping a child back to CSA on the grounds of logistics (rather than a genuine desire and intention to home educate) for a short while, like a broken leg or something, I don't see how this works going forwards? DC2 is only going to get bigger and harder to push/lift/carry and the baby is only going to get more mobile and heavier to put in the sling. DC1 is going to feel left behind and struggle more from missing ground work for phonics etc.

You need a longer term plan that is sustainable and realistic.

You have said your dh cannot help.
You have said your DH is no good at helping (this is ridiculous, important messages can be emailed and he is out at work all day so capable of simple tasks)
You have said you can't cope with the bus.
You have said no to Breakfast Club (I think this is the weakest link here)
You have said you can't walk
You have said you can't drive

You have said you can't afford taxis (neither could I)

You need a meeting with school to discuss. They are likely to already be aware of his attendance and will be motivated to help.

You need to be open to positive action and change here and not just say no to every suggestion.

If you can't really walk, can't drive and can't manage buses with the children and you don't have help and can't afford help and you don't claim benefits, what does the future look like here without something changing?

Your children probably need to be in school and nursery more than most, you need to rest too, it should be a priority that they get there.

(For those saying Reception doesn't matter, it really can. I have dc that missed Reception due to lockdowms and took years to catch up to where my older ones would have been at the same stages)

Also what are your own mobility problems? Are they long term chronic conditions or could they potentially improve or change? Not being able to walk 2 miles as a parent of 3 must be quite debilitating and limiting for you all.

I have background in child development, I’m fully aware what stone in those first few years. School isn’t the only option though, most parents are more than capable to home educate especially at reception level.

You're looking at maybe 11 years of this commute twice a day 5 days a week... Something needs to change.

I would look at a cheaper area with a school close by that is still within commuting distance for your partner. It's untenable for you to carry on with this.

If your child doesn’t go to school he will fall behind. It is hard but things will be harder when he refuses school because he knows he is behind. Not going in for reception is a short-term solution that makes the long term even harder.

is there a reason why nobody thought ahead about the logistics of all of this? Do you all have severe ADHD? No forward planning and a reliance on poorly thought-out short term solutions are common symptoms of poor executive functioning.

you need to get organised and ask SS or the HV to help you plan. Speak to the bus company, get a different buggy, get assistance one way and walk the other? There are loads of options but you sound like you don’t know how to think them through.

you just need to plan to do the hard stuff. It is unfair on your child that you cannot get him to school. If he had inherited your ADHD then it’s important he doesn’t get behind. Stop focusing on your reasons why you can’t and start planning thibgs properly for your family.

Has op made any mention of home educating? She also has a 2.5 year old and baby at home to look after.

She doesn’t have to home school she is entitled to enrol him the September after he turns 5

I would get a taxi there on the days you can’t face the bus.
is there no way DH could start work late even just one day a week to give you a bit of a break too?

How on earth is OP going to home school when she has a ten week old baby to look after? 😩 people shouldn’t be encouraging the OP to remove and home school IMO. It will just be the same problem later on.

Well said. None of this is going to get easier in Sept - it might even be harder when the baby is bigger and DC2 is walking. And the longer you put off sorting it the more challenges will build for DC1 in school.

Some children do need to start school later but that should only be because it is in their interests, and that is not the driver here at all.

Make an appointment to speak to someone at school, and explain what you’ve said here. There may be options you haven’t thought of - as someone said, maybe getting a later bus and arriving a bit late (better than not arriving at all); perhaps a member of staff or another parent would pick him up for you (you could offer petrol money from the bus fare you’d be saving); maybe another parent gets a taxi and wouldn’t mind it picking up DS en route (again, you could offer the money you save in bus fare towards the taxi).

They may also know of more formal help that’s open to you; eg if there are any benefits you could claim, transport allowance etc.

In terms of the bus, you do need to just say that you can’t fold the buggy down, and ignore the tutting. Can you put the baby in a sling so that you have your hands free at least?

Is there anyone you could leave the younger 2 with while you do the school run? Or even just your middle child, and you take the baby with you in a sling?

Longer term, can your husband change his hours or get a new job? Can you move closer to school?

There are bound to be solutions out there, it’s just a case of finding out who can help and then accepting that help.

Your husband needs to pull his bloody finger out and provide practical help.
If necessary, hire a person for an hour each morning and/or afternoon to do the school run.
Take the advice of the person upthread who also has dyspraxia and get your licence and an automatic vehicle.

all of which things he can easily learn at home via home ed

You can get signs which say to treat the buggy like a wheelchair which means you will get priority on buses and shouldn't be asked to fold it.

Focus on what you can do instead of the things that can't be changed right now. Make sure that you apply for the mobility part of DLA and even if you can't learn how to drive, at least you'll be able to use it for taxis.

Your partner/ husband needs to make sure his child gets to school too, it's not all on you. What is he doing about it? Would it make more sense for him to stay at home and do the school runs, and for you to work, if he's not got your health issues, he can drive etc?

good Ideas - and in addition to this you may well be entitled to DLA for your middle and first born children which will help you pay for specialist items you need like buggy’s taxis etc

Yabu

it is not difficult to find a buggy that will fit a 2.5 year old even if they are hypermobile. My ds2 is hypermobile and we used a buggy on/off til he was 4. It was not an issue. You need to prioritise getting your child to school. It’s not going to suddenly get easier as your baby gets older unless you take proactive steps to change the situation. With 3 young kids and a 2 mile trip to school there will always be an excuse not to take them - bad weather, teething baby, poorly toddler, etc etc etc. I have 2 children at primary and some kids at the school come from out of the village, all of them come by car, it just wouldn’t be possible otherwise. If learning to drive is not possible then it sounds like you need to move closer to a school. Otherwise in a few years you will have 3 kids missing school regularly and that will be a big problem.

to some extent it is optional because the government gives the option for starting school the September after they turn 5

@tinyyturtletwo suggestions from me: you can get a tag for the pushchair which says something like ‘SEN BUGGY, TREAT LIKE WHEELCHAIR’ or similar. I got mine on Amazon. Then you can show that to the bus driver and not have to fold. An alternative would be to ask for an actual wheelchair (talk to physio) at this point, it can have appropriate built in support and is functional in various ways.

Yes, YABU. It’s your job to get your child to school, it’s not optional. Don’t let your kids down like that. Education is so important. You’re going to have to face the journey. I have a 3 year old who fits in a normal buggy with plenty of space. He’s in the 75 percentile. Is your child very large? Even in a big buggy unless the buses are different in your area it would fit. Stop making excuses and take your children to school.

I second this as a parent of a DC who missed a lot of learning in reception. It has taken DC until he turned 9 this year to catch up as everything builds onto the next. And when they are behind they lose confidence in themselves.

Talk to the school. maybe there's a parent who can offer your child a lift even if temporary solution. Or pay a childminder to take your child to school. He does need to go to school. Staying off on a regular basis isn't really an option.

I want to say this with so much love becuse I understand you’re struggling but you are absolutely setting your child up to fail by missing so much of Reception. I’m a Reception teacher and as much as it looks like we just play all day - it is such a crucial part of schooling. Many senior leaders I’ve met on training say they put their strongest teachers in early years becuse getting that right means eliminating most problems later on!! It’s so so crucial!