to keep him off school some days at the moment

Whether you think school starting age is too young or whatever, the point is that OP’s child is enrolled in school, but doesn’t know day to day whether he’s going to be there. You can make an argument for starting at a later age, or even for agreeing with school that he’ll do 3 days a week, or not come in till 10 or whatever; the problem here is that it’s totally chaotic and he has no idea what his routine is supposed to be.

OP, you’ve had some good suggestions on here; hopefully you can start to act on them rather than dismissing them out of hand. At the very least, please speak to school and see what help they can give/direct you to.

Beyond that, I think you are confused. School starting age is enormously influential and no, it doesn't matter at age 4 if they miss chunks of school because it should be play based, as it is at nursery where plenty of 4 years old attend for fewer than 5 full days a week. Until fairly recently there were multiple start points throughout the reception year also, which did not cause children to 'fall behind'. There should not be any formal instruction in reception and therefore nothing to 'fall behind' from. If this is not the environment in the OPs (or your school's) reception the children there are being failed.

This just isn’t true. According to the national curriculum there is formal instruction in Reception - children learn all the phonic sounds and are expected to be reading simple books and writing a sentence by the end of the year. That learning usually takes place in small chunks of focussed time, with much of the rest of the day spent on play-based, free flow provision, but it remains the case that a child who turns up in Y1 not knowing any phonic sounds and unable to write will be behind. The school can and should help them catch up, of course, but there is no need for OP’s child to be behind if she can just sort out a way to get him to school. It’s completely untrue that children “formally”learning phonics in Reception are being failed - in fact they are being supported to meet the early learning goals and to be in a good position to progress to Y1.

You've been wilfully rude in your post by calling me dim. If you see that as behaviour fitting of an educator then the shame is all on you and I feel very sorry for your pupils and their carers.

Beyond that, I think you are confused. School starting age is enormously influential and no, it doesn't matter at age 4 if they miss chunks of school because it should be play based, as it is at nursery where plenty of 4 years old attend for fewer than 5 full days a week. Until fairly recently there were multiple start points throughout the reception year also, which did not cause children to 'fall behind'. There should not be any formal instruction in reception and therefore nothing to 'fall behind' from. If this is not the environment in the OPs (or your school's) reception the children there are being failed.

I won't expect the apology you should provide for being so utterly awful in your post, but maybe bear in mind how you are coming across as a teacher of young children when you accuse someone of being 'dim' because they have an outlook different from your own.

I'm sorry but going to the park and hanging out at home isn't really giving them broad educational opportunities.

I don’t think that - as I said in my previous post, I only mentioned soft play because another poster was suggesting it was something OP might be doing with her children. Personally I would rather be outside with mine, or go swimming, or (in OP’s position) take them to e.g. forest school groups or mini music classes. However, the point is that the OP’s description of her days at home with the children make it clear that all they are doing outside the home is going to the local park and local shops. That is not giving her oldest equivalent opportunities to learn and socialise as he would be getting at school, meaning he will be behind in Y1 when attendance is compulsory.

Because rain.

To the child.

A lot of this thread is missing the child in its discussion.

It's really hard for a physically disabled parent to help their children reach the CMO/NHS guidance for physical activity.

Children need to be very active in the early years. If the parent isn't physically able then they need to find ways of facilitating activities and opportunities for their dc to be active. Soft play is a really good way of ensuring lots of heart rate increasing exercise for the dc that doesn't rely on the adult also walking/running/cycling too. Be snobby if you like but indoor play areas are a godsend for disabled children and parents of children of different ages.

Taking children of different ages and abilities to an outdoor park when being cold and wet can affect your own health and when 2 of them are non mobile and require lifting and carrying around and then one wants pushing and chasing and could run off and you can't catch them....as opposed to the bon weight bearing toddler being able to play in a ball pit with you while you hold the baby and the older one can do slides etc hallway and you know they can't get out.

There is no way the children in this situation doing the activities described, very occasionally, are getting anything like enough physical exercise. Suggesting a soft play would have benefits is not the heinous crime you're making it out to be.

But why do you think soft play is superior to going to local parks/shops? Kids love being involved in normal daily life/errands and it can actually be educational (eg going to the post office and leaning about that).

I don’t think they’re great environments-too busy, too noisy, and often questionable hygiene-wise. I’d much rather choose activities where I can be more involved with my kids (unlike the parents who sit there scrolling on their phone while their kids wreck the place and are little shits to the other kids).

That may be true, but OP’s oldest is spending all his time with a tiny baby and a non-mobile toddler with additional needs. There is no mention of play groups, meeting up with friends or similar. That cannot be better for his social development than spending time with a range of other children (which is something he would also get at school - Reception children are not isolated from the rest of the school so he would have e.g. break time with older children as well as his own class). And whatever the research says, if OP’s intention is for him to attend school he will need to integrate into his class, all of whom will be used to playing with their peers and with older children as well as younger siblings at home. That means he will be behind, socially as well as educationally.

I only mentioned soft plays because the poster I was replying to had given that as an example of something OP might do with her children. I was pointing out that in fact the children seem to lead a very narrow life of home, local park and local shops, with no mention of wider activities and experiences like going to groups, meeting friends, walks in the woods or on the beach and so on.

I think with your ‘educational research background’ you’re failing to actually understand your own research. I’m surprised the someone with such clear credentials as yours… is wilfully misleading this op with a clear agenda.

I don’t need you to suggest any research to me thank you. I’m highly trained, skilled and experienced.

You are wilfully talking about the argument that children start school too early in this country and providing it as evidence against people stating that the ops child missing sporadic school sessions is ok. You are clearly too dim to recognise the difference.

I have stated that a child who starts school like the op’s child has and has very patchy attendance is having choices made by their parent that affect their confidence, attainment and socialisation. You are then counteracting this with your own ideas about how children start school too early. Can’t you see that these are two different ideas and your ‘’evidence’ doesn’t disprove this?

A previous poster mentioned your clear agenda for misleading the poster and I see it here. What are you hoping to achieve telling the op that this is ok? It’s not ok for children who are signed up for school to miss large chunks. If all children start school at the same time (whatever age this might be) this means all children progress from this point at the same age. The op’s child is missing school when their peers are not. This is damaging.

Whether you choose to believe my experience and opinion is up to you and matters not a jot to me. I speak from my experience, that is all.

As an educator we have a duty to put children first. This is what I do. This includes advising parents using our professional opinion. By misleading the op you are doing the exact opposite.

Shame on you.

Yes that’s true

That may be your anecdotal experience but it's not backed up by research. I've worked as a classroom teacher and in academic research.

Here's some places to start with the research, linked below. I'm surprised you're not already familiar with this concept 25 years into a career as a classroom teacher. A CPD session might help if you can arrange with your school.

School starting age: the evidence | University of Cambridge https://share.google/Gn3m7hSmDFZb4GoMU

STS0017 - Evidence on Evidence check: Starting school https://share.google/Z2DqtwAuN68utbhlo

Summer‐born struggle: The effect of school starting age on health, education, and work - PMC https://share.google/YkQUHsCbg5axdh7Hs

DFE-RR017.pdf https://share.google/gxEzXm5MFa4xAQdWd

44414.pdf https://share.google/DqVcSYwfdAq0zZPLB

Its not about judgement. I am aware that she needs support.

But several posters have told the OP that this is all fine because her son doesn’t need school yet so will be better off at home.

That may or may not be true now but telling her to carry on is preventing the OP from taking the steps she needs to take to prepare for the point where it will be mandatory that she either gets her kids to school or she provides them with home education.

At the moment she’s clearly not in a position to do either: telling her to crack on with what she’s doing now without any thought for how she’s going to cope when school is essential seems irresponsible to me.

You were saying she lacks resilience and organisational skills. She has asked for support and ideas not judgement

@FakeTwix

Home education where it is chosen by a parent that is able, motivated and willing to be the child's primary educator and where there are time, money and resources in the family to do that well is one thing. This situation is very far from that.
This is a mum with her own quite severe physical limitations and a lack of support and financial resource. These children are spending large amounts of time at home with very limited out of the home experiences. I think you would struggle to find an evidence base for the educational outcomes in this scenario to be better than if the dc went to school

Absolutely. I find it quite frustrating that people are positioning this as a conscious choice to keep the children out of school for developmental reasons and ignoring the red flags.

This is chaotic and unplanned parenting with limited resources and while it might be OK for now, this isn’t a setup that will allow the parents to meet the children’s educational needs as they get older.

It’s no doubt hard for OP and she has my sympathy but let’s stop pretending this is some act of alternative parenting. If she can’t put a structure in place for school as the kids grow it’s potentially a recipe for disaster.

What research shows that spending 90% of your time at home with 1 non mobile sibling and a non mobile baby is better for social development than attending playgroups, preschool/school, clubs, activities and groups? (Why did they do that research in the first place?)

Home education where it is chosen by a parent that is able, motivated and willing to be the child's primary educator and where there are time, money and resources in the family to do that well is one thing. This situation is very far from that.

This is a mum with her own quite severe physical limitations and a lack of support and financial resource. These children are spending large amounts of time at home with very limited out of the home experiences. I think you would struggle to find an evidence base for the educational outcomes in this scenario to be better than if the dc went to school.

Three kids is tricky for anyone OP, with two very young children and SEN in the mix you've really set yourself up for a challenge! But you made the choice at the end of the day so you do need to step up and find a way for your eldest to get to school one way or another, particularly as it's unlikely that things will actually get easier when the baby becomes a toddler.

So you're ND OP with dyspraxia, it sounds like your second child may also be dyspraxic - maybe you both have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome too? but I'm wondering about your eldest. Fussy with food, your worries that he just won't eat at school, struggles with change and possibly transitions - are we talking possible ASD? ND conditions tend to run in families so I'd definitely be wondering. I wouldn't count on school picking it up either.

You say MIL gives you a lift sometimes - would she be able to help out with getting the kids to school? Could you do a mixture of things so MIL takes and picks up one or two days a week, DS goes to breakfast club one or two days a week and you take the bus one or two times a week?

I really don't think you can rely on things getting easier, toddlers don't tend to be easier than babies and your youngest may also be ND. I think it's really important to get something in place now and get as much help and support as you can. Talk to school and tell them how you're struggling and see if they have any suggestions.

Why are soft plays awful? 🤷

@Jane143

Be kind

What's that supposed to mean?

I am not being in any way unkind. I'm just pointing out that saying it's fine for the OP to keep her child at home isn't a permanent solution. It may be OK for a few months but sooner or later she needs to find a way to allow her son (and her other children) access to education.

Ok, your son is only 4 now but if he's having repeated absences you need to sort this sooner than later.

Your options as I see it:

1. Learn to drive and get a car (I see you've addressed this)
2. Get the bus with the buggy and get a thicker skin about tutting. Tell the bus driver it's the equivalent of a wheelchair and raise it with the depot if he causes a problem
3. Source some additional help, maybe from school or the council? I don't think that's right about they don't offer transport for that age group, unless they mean because he's still under 5?
4. Move closer to school
5. get a sling for the baby while he's still little, or a double buggy and put an insert in?

This isn't insurmountable, I promise. But I think in the first instance you should approach school and talk to them about figuring out these difficulties. They might just tell you to get him in when you can, and not to worry about it until after Easter.

But honestly, re the bus, do make a complaint to the depot. You have a right to use the wheelchair space.

Good luck!

Be kind

Actually research shows that socialising with children of different ages is better for social development of a child (even if those children are siblings). A 5 year old with siblings at home doesn’t need daily interactions with the same peers to develop. Occasional interactions in the park or wherever are fine. Softplay are awful places, not sure why they are mentioned as somewhere OP should be taking her kids.

I mentioned on an earlier post about what to say to the bus driver. I think that it's sometimes hard to advocate for yourself when you have so much to deal with and with a bunch of people listening in.

I think I'd keep a laminated sheet of paper on me explaining your child's rights under the equality act for their pushchair to be treated the same as a wheelchair. I'd get it out and show it to the driver so that you don't have to remember what to say. Plus the buggy tag.

I wouldn't refer to the buggy as a buggy or pushchair, I would start referring to it as a mobility aid. I'd also explain that your child can't walk at all at the age of 2.5 and that is what the space on the bus is for - for people who ordinarily should be able to walk but can't.

Another poster's idea about contacting the bus company is a good one. Explain the situation and ask their advice on how you should explain it to the driver so that they understand it's a mobility aid and not a normal buggy and therefore needs to be treated as a wheelchair.

Good luck! I know how overwhelming these things are when you have children with needs and also your own needs to contend with.