AIBU to object to ex hosting family barbecue in my home?

Big NO from me

Would there be a chance he would move back in? Change the locks etc and refuse to leave? That’s what I’d be worried about!!!

I wouldn’t have even let him stay while I was away, let alone a bbq.

Hell no, what’s to stop them rootling through your knicker drawer? I mean most decent people wouldn’t but you simply wouldn’t know

But OP needs 3 weeks childcare which is him doing her a favour - it’s well outside of any 50:50 shared care arrangement. He will have sole care for 3 weeks!

I think that muddies the water OP plus it’s a Marital asset. I mean he could move back in if he likes. For me this bbq isn’t a hill to die on considering the risk of kicking off about it

I agree that the boundaries have already crossed. He’s there to look after the kids. So if it’s about what is best for the kids, would they enjoy having a BBQ at their home with their paternal family? If the answer is yes, then I think you should consider it but with any boundaries that may be appropriate.

Having him living in your house while you are away is a step too far over the boundary imo. That boundary crossed, he'll do whatever he pleases while you are away. I think you should rescind the permission to live in your house - and look into other ways of keeping the kids looked after when you have to be away for work

No idea what the legalities are.

But no fucking way.

He wanted to leave. Fair enough.

But if you needed any encouragement to get the financials moving, let it be this.

He wants it all ways, him to leave, you to pay and you to be "amicable".

Also if you let him stay, he will have the party.

I don't agree that it's half his house as he's moved out and you are presumably buying him out or giving him a fair share. You didn't have to let him stay there with the kids, not sure why you did tbh. If you're not happy shout the party, tell him the deal is off and he can't stay. You didn't have to say yes and he's not being gracious about it.

Unfortunately he owns half and can come and go as he wants and that means he can have friends and family over.

Id lock up all important things including breakables you love. I try and push for his kinder side but unfortunately if he wants to he can.

Unless you think you can get the divide pushed though before the trip? Or at least the house and finances tied up and signed off.

When my friend was going through a divorce, her ex moved out but it was still legally 'their' house. I think she managed to keep him out by going for a 'right to privacy' thing legally. It meant he couldn't actually come and go at will because he'd moved out and was living elsewhere. Worth looking into I think. I wouldn't be happy with him staying there at all. If he wants to go down this route, tell him you will pursue him for his half of the mortgage costs and have this factored into the final settlement ( if that would be advantageous to you).

Absolutely no way.
Change your mind AFTER things are agreed and signed.
I wouldn't have anyone in my house that I didn't 100% adore, while I wasn't there.

If you can't get out of it, do as @ Salmon suggests.
Personally I would fully remove any private papers.
I wouldn't trust them not to break the lock if they are so inclined.
Very very carefully record the whole condition of the place AND get everything agreed by text for proof.

This should be motivation to get financials signed as sweetly asap.

Its half his house still so yabu.

He’s being a dick.

Rescind the offer for him to stay at your house. He can transport the stuff the kids need and host his family at his home, not yours.

I would do this, he isn't going to listen to you if you say no anyway so protect your private private space and cover yourself.

He is 💯 trying to wind you up.

The issue is you already said yes to him staying.
He legally has a right AND you need the childcare for 3 weeks....

Personally id get a lock put on your bedroom door and film the condition of the house and garden very carefully before you left and leave him to it. Be clear if there is any damage he pays not house insurance. Get that in writing via text.

Once back pursue finalisation of divorce and get it locked in.

This is one instance where I would be firmly focused on my north star vs "being right" (and you are right he is a dick to do this)

I don't think you can object if the house still belongs to both of you, until financials etc. are finalised.

What I would do however, is lock away any personal stuff, and lock your bedroom door so no one can use it as a crash pad. I'd say you are due privacy in respect of your own bedroom at least.

Make sure they clean up fully after them too.

And he could change them himself quite legally.

Tell him absolutely not. I think I'd change the locks while I'm on.

Yes technically it's not allowed but by the time he gets anywhere legally you'll be back.

Or get some friends to stay while you're away.

I fear you’ve muddied the waters by having him stay though. And technically it is still his house.

Even if it is technically still own by him, it is not his home. He doesn’t get to leave you to pay the whole mortgage and then use it in anyway he wishes.

Is he still on the deeds?