Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is it ever OK to give a gift with strings attached or AIBU?

27 replies

TowerRavenSeven · 13/03/2026 16:29

Ds will be a recent University graduate and will be moving with his girlfriend for a job come end of summer. His girlfriend has a car, he does not. Her job will be a commuting job, his will be remote, but they are moving to a city without reliable public transportation (not UK). So he will be stuck without decent transportation.

As a graduation gift we’d like to give him a substantial amount of money to put towards a car, if he is going to buy one. We can afford this. For his undergrad we did also give him a substantial amount of money as we thought he’d buy a car with it, but later he decided he wanted to do his Masters (he got it paid) so he invested the money we gave him, which we were happy about.

Now he is really ‘flying the nest’ and we’d like to help him with buying a car IF he’s buying one. But how do we put it to him that if he doesn’t buy a car we’d give him substantially less? Frankly, instead of him investing it again, we’d like to put it towards his wedding (they are not engaged, but based on what info they have given us, I believe they will be in a few years).
AIBU?

OP posts:
LoveWine123 · 13/03/2026 16:32

I don’t understand why you need to offer him money. Why not tell him you’d like to buy him a car instead and if he says no, thank you then that’s it. Or wait to see if he buys one for himself and then tell him you’d like to contribute to the purchase.

Owly11 · 13/03/2026 16:32

Just ask him - would he like money for a car or towards the wedding. Or wait until he goes to buy a car and offer to contribute.

Swipe left for the next trending thread